Back to normal? Somewhat.

Sorry I haven't updated in some time. I've been reading, writing and struggling through the heel pain. First off, things between Carlon & I are back to normal. We have sex normally now and sometimes regularly. Again, he picks when I'm in front of the computer or lying on my side to start fucking me. Lol. But he also does it when I'm about to go to bed too. The only thing that pisses me off and that I hate is it starts to feel good and then he always has to leave me hanging and doesn't finish. I just want a fucking orgasm from him, just once. I want him to feel he's accomplished that much. I will say though that recently, not last night but like a couple of nights ago, I swear, I don't know WHAT he did or if I was just in the right frame of mind or zone that night but I actually FELT him inside me. I knew he was because it was the same feeling I remember getting when I had my first pap smear. It made me a little sore and well, it was a little tight when he did. I know this is pretty much TMI but it's for my personal reference. I log what I feel and get from my spirits and entities since I'm attempting to become a Medium and opening my third eye. Plus, Kat says I should write all this down. He had me moaning and whining that night. I had to cover my mouth and try and keep it down so my mom wouldn't hear in the next room even though she and that asshole sleep like the dead. Never can be too sure but fuck, I really want to feel my Concuan like this again. Hopefully, it WAS him and not his friend. Or if not him, Chanin. Carlon says it was him so. . .yeah. He's quick to take credit, but if it WAS him, then why doesn't he do it again just like that?

Anyway, yeah, I want more of that. I know I probably said it before but I am ADDICTED To feeling his weight on me. I think he's more doing it to steady himself as he gets ready to fuck and to hold himself up but I love it nevertheless. I can tell he's smiling right now. I can sort of sense it. Again, with all the meditating (holding my Lazy Orb), my senses are getting an enhancement and more heightened. Plus, I can feel my bed moving a lot more and being that Grant (being the big muscular hunky man he is) & Carlon are the ones who spend the most time on my bed along with the kids, you can imagine a whole lotta moving going on and there has been.

I remember one time in the past when my kids were still wild and carefree ( BY THE WAY, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON KEEPING THEM FROM BEING KIDS AND FORCING THEM TO BEHAVE? I wanna slap this bitch! ) and I felt them start to bounce on the bed when I was trying to go to sleep. It was so cute! Well. . .sorta. At the time, I did have to tell Grant to deal with them and keep them from bothering "mommy" when she's trying to sleep. But now, I kinda wish they'd do it again to remind me they still like to sleep on Mommy's bed sometimes. They never used to leave my bed when we lived at the other place. Kat once told me there were kids all over sitting at the foot of my bed. So cute! I don't know if they still do but my bed is pretty crowd now if they do. Grant on his side lounging, Carlon climbing on top of me when he wants sex and Christian sleeping beside me. Plus, the rest of my medical spirits all have their own little stations around my bed, caring for me and checking my vitals, making their rounds. I guess they still check everyone's blood pressure besides me. They mentioned something about "notes for your chart" lately. Knowing them, they probably have a whole shelf with charts/files on all of us in this room like they do at the doctor's office. So cute! Mine's probably thick as fuck. LOL!

Going back to Carlon, last night, again, he left me hanging without finishing me or prolonging the pleasure but damn. . .I think he was going down on me because I felt this amazing tingling and caressing in my nether region. It felt so good. I wish he had aimed higher though. *sigh* Well he started off fucking and then he went down and did that. Sometimes I also feel the light brushing against my inner thigh that makes me think its either his dick or his hand or maybe even his face. Damn if I could see this man already. . .I would have no need for being near Daniel. He'd be Daniel for me every night. And I'd actually have a straight Matt Bomer in my bed too...mmmmm! Every girl's fantasy and my dream. And sexy Paul from "Orphan Black" in my bed, Dylan Bruce. And fuck...Damon Salvatore. I probably mentioned this before but I also want to take Jamie Dornan and Mike Vogel for a test drive. Maybe Chris Hemsworth, John Stamos, and some of those hot doctors on Instagram. Oh, OH! And Joey Mcintyre of course. Maybe Donnie too. God the possibilities are endless! *sings* "Too many men, too little time, I want em' all, is that a crime?" Oh and of course Constantine with his sexy Hyde look. I just imagine Christian, Damon, Hyde & Dom getting so hard and maybe jerking off while they watch themselves have sex with me.

"I would," Damon says. Of course, narcissist that he is. Yeah, you know all of you would. Don't even lie. But I digress. Anyway, when keeps leaving me hanging, I just get so frustrated with waiting and just turn over to go to bed. Like I'm laying there and I know his hands are still against the covers holding me and yet I feel nothing else. Like WTF are you doing? Fucking tease!

So that's the latest with Carlon & I. Thank God he's finally learning that touching, pleasuring and fucking me on the regular is what I want. I just really want an orgasm from it. I'm starting to think that everyone ships me & Christian. I mean, I know Hyde is the captain of our shipper boat, but even when I'm in the wonderland, Courtney is even gushing and swooning over our relationship. She wants a Christian for herself, I know it. She has a crush on Damon but like, hello, what about her and Jason? She still has a chance with him and he's never at the party or in the wonderland when there's a social gathering. Seriously, where the hell is he? What else?

You know, Damon can be really sweet when he wants to be. We might fight like we're at each other's throats but really, I know underneath it all, he cares about me. Like a day ago, I was scratching my leg and I scratched so hard it started to bleed and I was like; "Medic! Medic!" And then Damon rushed over, told me to put pressure on it and was all looking for something to use and he was like: "Grab that towel." And then he knelt down to the level of my bed and had me wrap it up and he was just a sweetie, he gave me a little smile and he was like: "Just leave it on there. It'll stop the bleeding." A little later, he checked on it and wah-la! It had stopped and he was like: "Tada! See? It's like magic!" He's so cute when he's nice. He claims he's just joking with me most of the time and that he cares. It's nice to see that come out when I'm in pain or sick. Other times we're bickering back and forth like brother and sister and then Christian has to be the one to break up in his way. He's all: "Children, please!" Or he says: "Enough! Both of you." He's the kind of person who tries to find humor in every situation and joke even when its something serious. You should've seen how Christian was with him that time I was in the hospital for my gallbladder surgery. Damon. . .I don't know what he was doing that was aggravating me or that Christian assumed was aggravating me, but he kicked him out of my room. He was so protective of me. He was like: "I will not have you disturbing my patient." *swoon* I said it before but I'll say it again: "I love that man." Oh! I think maybe I was having chest pain and he was just exacerbating it. But enough about Damon. "Hey!" He says. Oh! And now he's been pissed lately because I decided that I need Christian sleeping next to me every night and he still wants to take turns. He wants his turn as you can imagine, but I explained to him that I need my Daddy beside me at all times. Hyde and Dom understand completely. Hyde gave up his spot to Christian numerous times in the past when it was his turn because I was sick or in pain. So yeah, he's been sleeping beside me now, despite what Damon says, but I think he's starting to understand. Slowly but surely.

Finally, fucking Propeller decided to credit my account with my points that I rightfully earned so fuck yeah! They better not do that shit to me again. More entries to spend V-Day with Daddy. IN YOUR FACE BITCHES!! Suck it, suck it, suck it. . .

Ugh, I have the worst headache right now. Headache AND toothache and that fucking dentist on Instagram didn't even answer my fucking question about my bridge. Can't you not see I'm in pain here? Of course Dom is all harping on me that I need to brush better, and longer, get near the gum line and telling me that I really need to get that bridge replaced because it's just going to get worse if I don't. Well, I don't have the money! God if only he was flesh and blood with his own practice. It would be a favor he'd do for me AND Christian, he'd do my work pro-bono. That's what I was going to do in the story if my character's insurance didn't cover it or she didn't have insurance. Either Christian would pay for all of Amy's dental work or Dom would do it pro bono. Or maybe a little of both. Christian wouldn't feel right about not paying for it because he and Dom are the best of friends and they are each other's mentors in the BDSM world. Speaking of which, I had to go back and rewrite the beginning of my most recent chapter of HTSAL. My novel. I forgot something important and once Christian really starts to lose it. . .he won't be able to comprehend anything, not even an important phone call. No surprise that I didn't win the fucking Watty awards. Those fucking asshole motherfuckers on Wattpad recognize all these other shit stories, along with brainless gold-digging publishers yet the numerous times my novel has been #1 in numerous tags and growing in views every day isn't enough. I wrote them an email and bitched them out about why they haven't taken time to notice my shit and calling them out on their marketing of the shitty written teenage/millenial stores on there instead of giving respect to an erotic romance novel and thriller with edge-of-your-seat suspense and a unique engaging plot. My court wind angel needs to get revenge on their asses or I need to find another entity or spirit who will.

Speaking of revenge, I was so fucking ready to hurt someone at work the other day, mainly that bitch Hailey, my enemy along with my ex-friend Kysandra. GOD IT'LL FEEL SO GOOD NEVER TO SEE ANY OF THEM EVER AGAIN! I was seriously in a killing mood and I had to ask my spirits and entities to calm me down before I did something I wouldn't be able to take back. I would like one fucking Sunday where I don't have to see that bitch, but every time she's there, her ugly four-eyed ass insists on antagonizing me every chance she gets and talking shit about me behind my back to other co-workers and laughing about it. Don't ask. Everything about her annoys me. Not just her annoying laugh along with Kysandra's but she has the most childish personality and voice I've ever heard. Like a fucking 5-year-old and every time her ass is there, she insists on doing the closing announcements every fucking fifteen minutes. She's like an enthusiastic child over the intercom and I have to constantly plug my ears and sing to myself until that bitch is done. She also does the dressing room closing announcements now too. Christian kept trying to calm me down and was like grabbing my arm and mumbling, telling me to "behave," to watch my language because there are customers nearby, telling me not to start anything or cause trouble. Damon was disappointed though because he wanted to see a fight. He was like: "You go girl!" I still love how he always has the power to cheer me up and make me laugh over the remarks he makes about her, vulgar ones. I was so glad that no one came to look for me when that bitch was calling me up to get the returns and I wasn't going. Why should I? Not if that bitch is telling me. I don't do shit for her. But seriously, if someone had come to find me and tell me to go up there, I don't know if I would've been able to resist an outburst, but I definitely would be on the verge of warning them that for everyone's safety, you don't want me to go up there right now. I woulda cut a bitch. Or two.

Least I got to wear a music T-shirt to work because it was that weekend. I wore my BSB shirt. I'm glad no one made a remark or made fun of me, but anyway. Like two hours in, I was in so much pain from my heels that I was hopping from shelf to shelf and having to use the basket for leverage. You can imagine how insanely worried Christian was. He basically ordered me to go take a break, that I go and sit down in the break room for a while, even though I technically don't get a break with a 3-hour shift, but one of the nice managers was there so he didn't have a problem with it, thank God. So I went to the break room and took a 15 min break, put my feet up and just read on my Kindle app for a while. Christian was glad that I was going to the foot doctor the next day, which is what I did today (Monday). All of them were glad. Dom and Damon and Hyde. They were sick of seeing me in pain but not in a mad way, in a worried and sad way.

How did that go? Well, all the guys went in the exam with me. Christian insisted I bring my jacket, even though I didn't really need it. It was cool outside but not cold. He sat beside me all crossed legged and sexy in the waiting room, as always. When I went back, they put me in a curtain area instead of an exam room and there were two chairs. Christian and Damon sat down while Hyde & Dom stood. And of course, the damn doctor said I didn't need surgery, that that was a last resort with this. He got on my case about not doing the stretching exercises and I was like: "I don't have time for that" and really, I don't and it hurts when I do it. It hurts the back of my calf. I don't think I'm doing it right to be honest. Who knows. Then he asked me if I was going to physical therapy. I told him no because honestly last time, I remember he said that they couldn't send me to that for some reason. I don't know why he said that, but I understood that was how it was. He told me that he did send me for that, but that I told him it was too far away for me to go. I don't know. I don't remember shit anymore with my short term memory. So I told him to find me a place nearby. He said he would send it out to my insurance again. Now I had ordered some shoes months ago with custom insoles but I never got around to picking them up. I asked them if they still had them, but unfortunately, they sent them back so now I have to wait another two fucking months for them to reorder them. Grrrr! I need some new sneakers like now. They did have the custom insoles ready for me to take home though and seriously, I don't get it. Shouldn't all insoles be soft and cushiony because these are hard and flat. Like WTF? How do they think that's going to be supportive and comfortable? Just so my foot is positioned the right way? The little paper says it will take some getting used to. Yeah, no shit. I haven't tried them out yet but I dread when I do. Stupid. These aren't the way insoles are supposed to be. It sucks that they said I can't put them in my sandals. I don't see why not though. Pfft. What do they know? That's right, they don't know shit! Gimme Dr. Goran! Now!

God, I wish he'd come in and take it from there and just pick me up like that and carry me away to his own private exam room to give it to me. . .in more ways than one. *wink wink* If I ever write a fanfic, that's gonna be my chief complaint even though I pretty much know what he'll do first. I'd probably have an orgasm just from Daniel touching my feet and ankles. The doctor did do that too, examine me. He felt around my ankles with two fingers and kinda squeezed there, checking to see if it hurt and noted that my calf was still really tight. He also pressed his fingers into the bottom of each of my heels and I reacted to the pain immediately when he pressed on the right one but the left didn't hurt that much, and it hasn't been. Like I said before, Christian says it's probably because I put more of my weight on the right. Duh. The doctor still wants me to have that X-Ray and he also said maybe an MRI too. Whatever that is. Okay, I sort of know what that is cause I write the shit, but I really had to familiarize myself again with what it was when I got home. I've had one done on my head before for my headaches, and I might have had another done on my chest/heart too when they injected something in my body. It's that huge donut looking machine that they slide you into. I'm fine with that. I just need to find a place that's open to do it. Like I said, they could've done this shit at urgent care when I went and saved my doctor and ME the trouble. Christian wanted it.

God. . .he would come in handy in so many situations if people could see and hear him like me -- straight up taking charge of the situation. This is why I really want to write that story where someone's Tulpas become flesh and blood and then they have to adjust to life and get jobs like regular people and the girl has to deal with them being solid beings, helping her and other times, embarrassing her. God that's gonna be a great story. I could either do it as an AU with my Phoebe Tonkin or I could go with my original idea of casting Riley Voelkel or Danielle Campbell as the girl.

Again, I digress. So being that it was my right heel that was hurting the most and Christian wasn't going to let me leave there until I got some relief, the doctor asked me if I wanted him to give me a steroid injection, like my regular doctor did before. I wasn't too keen on the idea since needles and because the cold stuff they numbed it up with hurt like a bitch at my doctor's office, more than the shot, but what choice did I have? Christian's mind was made up so yeah, I allowed them to give me the shot. He said this one would be different because it was a different mix of drugs. I don't know. Something like that so he left and the nurse went and prepared the needle and everything and oh God, I sat there nervous as fuck while she stood at the back counter doing it and I couldn't take my eyes off the needle. God. I was like: "Daddy, I don't wanna, please don't make me, please" and Christian shook his head and was all: "Don't. Tell me that. You're getting it. Whether you like it or not." He came over to the side of the gurney and tried to comfort me, caressing my hair and reminding me that I wasn't leaving until I get it. He wouldn't allow it. He was looking at me sadly like: "I'm tired of seeing you in pain, sweetheart. We all are." They all chimed in and agreed. And I was like: "But it's gonna huuurt." And he was all: "If you don't get this done, it'll hurt even more, so you can either take the shot or live with the pain." Well he wasn't wrong. Even Dom and Damon agreed. Damon being Damon made a joke and said: "Pretend Elijah's biting you, pretend he's biting your foot." Lol! *rollseyes* He's so cute. Well that's usually what I do when I get my blood drawn or an IV put in me. So yeah, when the doctor came in and prepared to inject me, I instinctively pulled my foot away and he was trying to be comforting, telling me that it would be like 10 seconds. I feared the cold stuff more than the shot and I asked him how cold it was. He gave me a test spray on my ankle. It was cold but not that cold so I shut my eyes, clenched my fists and tensed up my whole body, whimpering and moaning a little while Christian was trying to calm and hush me the whole time with his hand stroking the back of my head while he did his cute little "Shh shh shh" thing. Needless to say, I got through it. The doctor told me to "breathe, in and out." It didn't help though but I eventually relaxed as he dabbed the area and put the bandaid on. I actually was surprised he did it in the side of my foot instead of in the middle where the pain was like my other doctor and you know what? I was confident it would work better. I mean, he IS the foot doctor and he did say this stuff was different. He said my heel would be numb for a couple hours and then the shot should kick in in a couple of days. Unfortunately, it hasn't kicked in yet because it's still hard for me to work and I'm limping. I guess it needs time to heal. Here's hoping it starts to do something.

So that was about it for today.