Getting real sick of this shit. . .

So before I get to the Hell that is my life at work, I just wanted to update you that my mom's disabled,

kidney-failing, sleep-all-day, bed-ridden husband, Chris, finally came home from the hospital last week after spending like 3-4 months there because of an infection in his leg and having to be amputated and all that. Damon wasn't happy to have him back and I wasn't particularly happy about it either considering our bickering and shitty past, but it'll be even worse when my bitch aunt comes back and acts like she's living here, which is the worst possible thing that could ever happen in the history of events. Anyway, he seemed like he was being nice to me again than what I'm normally used to. . .you know. . .when he was actually conscious and alert. So as long as he wasn't going back to his asshole ways and had to go to church with him ( which I've decided not to unless it's just me, my mom, and the guys again ), I figured I'd be good. Besides, I'm hardly home nowadays anyway, but then, of course, he got sick again and had to go back. . .as usual. It happens. I'll explain in a minute. I'm sorry it's been so hard to update this thing lately with how much those fucks have been working me, but I've kept a log of each day via the diary app on my phone so you'll get a full rundown of how each one went starting with last Friday. Ready? Here we go. . .

Friday (11/11) was another fucking day at Hell. That's what I'm going to call it now. Of course, I probably could've called KMart that too when I worked there but anyway, another day with having Eddie & Buck at my side. No complaints there. As awkward as it might feel, I kinda like having them there watching over me even if they feel more like babysitters than paramedics watching over a patient. Now if I were in the hospital/slaughterhouse ( not that I ever would stoop that low again ), it would definitely feel like that but at work. . .they're babysitters fo sho! So everything started out okay. I was on the register, this one near the card wall and batteries. It was actually a nice little area, definitely more spacious for Eddie & Buck so they could both be nearby without one being here and the other over there. You know? They could both stand there behind me and lean against the register wall while I rang people up this time. As per usual, Eddie was helping me keep track of how many bags I was using for each transaction, and helping me find the produce codes on that one pamphlet. Oh yeah, and there was this older Spanish/Mexican couple that went through my line and they had two separate transactions and at first I said, "thank you" to one of them, and then the second time, Eddie was like: "Say Gracias." 🤣😂So I said it and the woman said it back and seemed real pleased that I used Spanish. Sometimes I really feel out of the loop when other people have conversations in Spanish, especially knowing Eddie can understand them and I can't. So anyway, there was this customer that needed an alkaline/button battery, and keep in mind that I'M STILL NEW TO THE FUCKING STORE AND DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK EVERYTHING IS. I assumed the only batteries we had were either on the wall behind me or in electronics so when I called the team leader ( TL ) over, THIS BITCH named Crystal ( I fucking swear, everyone I've known in my life named Crystal has always been such a fucking bitch, and she was no exception ). So this bitch talks to me like I'm a fucking lazy ass idiot as she proceeds to show me where to find the batteries I need. . .ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING WALL IN A GLASS CASE THAT I HAVE TO UNLOCK ( something I've never done before at any other job UNTIL NOW and I'm just SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO DO IT? Bitch, please )!! It pissed me off so fucking much, ooh! Fucking cunt! I swear, this bitch can get COVID and fucking die. I mean, I tried to explain to her that I didn't know and that I'm still new but she seemed uninterested in hearing what I had to say or even acknowledging my words. I swear, if I keep getting this treatment from her, I'll take it to another manager and/or just fucking quit. Even though all of them weren't there, I could tell that my guys were not happy with her talking down to me like that either. The tension that I felt radiating from them within me. . .I could seriously feel it. It was tangible. And of course Damon wanted to kill her. Ohhhh if only he could take out everyone who fucks with me. Eddie & Buck could see that it really bothered me, how I was treated and I asked Eddie what I should do and how I should deal with it and he told me,

"Just ignore her. Well. . .not ignore her since she's your manager. Just don't let her get to you."

Pfft! Easier said than done but I tried not to, and Buck agreed with Eddie's advice, which he's been giving me A LOT OF lately when I've been at work, especially today. Enough to the point of being annoying AF and making me want to snap at him. 🙄🤬I'll explain later. It was so funny when some other cashier asked me who the TL was, and I said it was Crystal and I heard Damon add, "a bitch named Crystal." 😁😂 It totally cheered me up and put a smile on my face and I was like: "I know, right?"

I think both Eddie & Buck were getting more and more saddened and impatient waiting for me to get a break because they could see just how much pain I was in from my headache and that I really needed to take something for it. Eddie, being the sweet boyfriend that he is, even wrapped his arm around me and leaned in to kiss my temple a couple of times, as if by some magical power, it would take my headache away. 😍😘If only, but I really appreciated the thought. He and Buck just told me to "hang in there" until I finally was relieved to take my break. Eddie, always concerned about the state of my well-being, often asks me if I'm okay when its break time, and that day was no exception. Despite still being in pain, he reassured me that I was going to get to take something for it right now. I didn't realize until I got to the back room that I had forgotten my Snapple at the register so I would need to get something to drink to take my Aleve when I got it out of my purse from the office. I also told Alex about the schedule that needed to be fixed on my shift start time and my locker. He said it normally takes four hours for the changes to show up in the computer. . .whatever, but to see him at the end of my break and he would get me my locker. . .FINALLY! So I found an unopened water in the orientation room ( like the ones he left for us at orientation before ) and I made do with that, sat down, and took two Aleve. Eddie tried to get me to take my other meds at the time but it was too early for that so I decided to take them later. Yes, I'm "Obstinada" but so what. 🙄😂 His nickname for me. I was trying to figure out the next time that we would get paid and this other co-worker told me about this app called "Even" that actually lets you get paid the same day. Like it's a cash advance that you can use for "emergency purposes" and they'll just take out however much you request out of your next paycheck.

. . . .The minute she told me, I had a feeling this was going to be very dangerous for me considering how addicted I used to be to Direct Deposit Advance when I had Wells Fargo Bank back when I worked Target, and when they still offered that service. I downloaded the app and everything, but I don't even know if they let Arrowhead Credit Union customers use it. It couldn't even find the damn bank when I searched for it. I hope so, but who knows. I have to wait until Monday to see if the deposits went in. It would be amazing if it DOES work with my bank because right now, I really need that smartwatch before it sells out again, and I really need to be able to pay my Photoshop bill coming up. I'll keep you posted, but when Eddie heard about it, I could tell he was worried I would abuse it. He warned me that it was a bad idea and to seriously think it over before doing it, simply because he knows how crazy I'll go with spending. Yeah, yeah. Well it's my money, right? I'm making it. The more I work, the more I'll have at my disposal when I need it. I just have to remember how much I requested in advance.

So I was given my locker at the end of my break, FINALLY, and I had to get used to those old-school padlocks that I swear I haven't used since high school. It was pretty easy and self-explanatory though and I did it a couple of times first to make sure that I knew how to open it, Buck & Eddie watching closely, and throwing an encouraging phrase in here and there. You know? Like Eddie saying, "No. . .there you go. See? Easy." 🙄😁 And Buck nodding, flashing me a smile, and going, "You got it." They're so cute!

Unfortunately, when I came back from my break, this other bitch manager, I forget her name, decided she needed someone to work the register in the fucking cosmetics department! UGH! I don't know why the fuck they even HAVE a register over there anyway. I mean, the electronics and pharmacy, I get it, but there? 🙄I was really not in the mood for that shit. I wanted to go back on a big lane where I could ring up more stuff because I like it. . .for some reason. I prefer the big lanes. It's sort of. . .fun for me and I like bagging stuff. Sort of. God, what's with me? I've been working retail far too fucking long. But yeah, as much as I wanted to complain and even ask if I could just get on another register up there at the front end, she wouldn't hear of it because she "needed someone over there" for some fucking reason I still can't understand. And for the record, NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE FUCKING LOCK BOX RULE ON EVERYTHING THAT'S TAKEN FROM THERE AND NOT PAID AT THAT REGISTER which I'm sure someone will bitch at me about eventually down the line. The only reason I know is because I asked someone, but rather than do it, I just shrugged it off and thought nothing of it. So yeah, I was given a special magnetic key and told to just ring anyone up who comes to my register and unlock things for customers. That's all I was told, I swear. I really, really didn't like being in that area! Not just because it was a smaller lane of 20 items or less, but because of where it was located and customers asking me where certain shit is that I don't even know if we carry or where the exact aisle is. I just sort of pointed them in the general direction of where I assumed the stuff they were looking for would be, and the other questions about stuff, I just told them I didn't know and to ask one of the other cashiers or the person in Pharmacy. I mean, really, what the fuck could I do? Now I know I can just pull out my cell phone and use the "ASK SAM" in my Wal-Mart app. . .least that's what my co-worker Veronica told me today. So maybe I'll do that in the future but that's what I did in the meantime. Also, I don't usually use a lot of the cosmetics or facial/skin stuff so how the hell would I know how to answer those questions? ANYway, at least there was a nice little area for Buck & Eddie to stand behind me. Well, actually, there was an extra stool, where Eddie sat in front of the perfume & cologne case, and Buck just stood to his left, leaning against the register wall and sort of looking over my shoulder being that close. 😳😉 I was stuck in that area until lunch time, unfortunately, but at least they still had a fan, the stool was lower and more comfortable and plus, I could hear the store music a lot better. Those are about the only things I really liked about it, and I didn't have to do much. I wasn't exactly feeling so well either. Not only did my stomach hurt after lunch but my headache came back by the end of the day.

At lunch time, there were actually only like two people in the break room this time so Eddie & Buck could actually join me at my table while I ate. I swear, that whole time, I totally felt like I was at the 118 dinner table in the firehouse with them sitting there with me, elbows on the table just watching me and chillin.' Again, I hate when they watch me eat, but you know. . .their gaze will usually drift. . .eventually. Either to something else in the room or to Buck. And of course, when lunch was over, I naturally had to fucking return to the cosmetics department even though I tried to go back to a bigger register, which I did. . .just as soon as I rushed back to my locker to make sure I hadn't lost my cell phone because I didn't have it on me when I went back and I nearly had a panic attack. Thankfully I had only left it in my purse. But UGH! Cosmetics. As I was walking back over there, Damon showed up at my side and quickly reminded me that I could quit anytime I wanted, which I started repeating to myself like a mantra as I walked. Of course, Eddie & Buck tried to get rid of him and told me otherwise not to quit, that I could do this, and reminded me of the pros of being in that area. They're so sweet! I can't even with them, and they were even sweeter to me being there behind me for the rest of my shift, asking me how I was doing, if I was okay, and telling me to drink my water.

Buck kept reaching out and setting his hands on my shoulders, giving them a couple of quick squeezes every now and then, encouraging me and telling me to "hang in there." And I would get a kick out of flirting with Eddie, touching his knee, dragging my hand across his thigh as I got up to go straighten the shelves when there was no one around. He would just smile at me and blush a little. At one point, I was pulling at the skin around my finger and it started bleeding. Eddie was disappointed and frustrated with me, shaking his head at me for doing it. He hates when I do that and he had to grab a paper towel and press it to my finger, insisting that I ask for a first aid kit or a band-aid and to stop messing with it. Another co-worker was nice enough to bring me a couple and I wrapped it up for the rest of the shift. It seemed to go by fast and some other girl who worked there showed me how to open the little red thingies that locked up the other things in make-up like eyelash glue and beauty tools. This whole time I was struggling with the damn key and trying to slide it this way and that to unlock stuff for people and you're telling me that all I had to do was tap it with the magnet key to get it to open???

Anyway, I was thankful when I finally got to clock out and go home, and I hoped I wouldn't have to be in the fucking cosmetics again for a while.

On Saturday (11/12), I had a shorter day of work, thank GOD! Just four hours. I was almost late because of this fucking relay race or some fucking bullshit that the fucking pigs at the police department were having near our house and blocked off the fucking streets. CUNT MOTHERFUCKERS! I almost rolled down the window and flipped their asses off or said some shit. I desperately wanted to! I would've sued their motherfucking asses if they had made me even later to work but luckily it was only 4 minutes after when I clocked in and they gave a 9-minute leeway. It's kind of cute how Buck tries to help me with my badge when I slide it through the card reader, telling me to "try it again. Slower." I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that bitch Crystal. First of all, I don't know what it is or why I feel like this but lately, when I wake up, I get these sore muscles/pains in my thighs. Maybe I need to start stretching when I wake up. Also, for some reason, one of my upper teeth was hurting me. I turned to the guys when I got to my locker in the backroom and told Dom about my tooth. He stepped forward and asked me which one was hurting and to show him, so I did. He looked closer at it and said he would take a look at it later in my room and asked me if it was really hurting me. I told him "just a little but not that much." I would survive. Christian also said, as he always does, that he was leaving me with Eddie & Buck again and "you behave." 😂🙄It reminded me of when Elijah said that to Hope in The Originals. But it's cute too, as annoying as it is to hear.

So like I said, I was happy that bitch Crystal wasn't there. There was some other woman in charge up there, I don't remember her name. I really need to learn everyone's names and try not to forget them. Anyway, she said she was putting me on register 18 ( which is another fucking 20 Items or Less lane but I didn't care all that much, just glad it wasn't cosmetics again ) but that she needed to put money in the drawer. There was a term for it. I don't know or remember. So after I tried to stretch out my sore thighs, we walked with her to this little room where she got the money drawer and I asked her about the schedule saying I was supposed to have a lunch but I assumed it was just a four-hour shift. She said I had to take a lunch but how the fuck could I do that when I didn't bring anything or have any money to eat? So we agreed that I would clock out 5 minutes early so I didn't hit my 5th hour and I wouldn't have to take a lunch.

When I got on the register ( and damn it that stool I had was high! Not like the other one I had before that was low enough that my knees went under the register scanner and easier for me to get off and on ), Eddie stood to my right near the bag carousel and Buck to my left leaning against the register wall and mini fridge and damn. . .those big biceps of his were distracting me. . .the way he stands there with his arms folded in front of him. I'm just like: 😳🤭😳. Either he does it purposely or its an unconscious thing. He's not narcissistic like Damon though but yeah. . .he gets a kick out of teasing me sometimes too, but it's usually all in good fun.

So Eddie was helping me keep track of the bag count and also to find the produce on the computer and pamphlet as usual, but that day he decided to get on my nerves too by way of offering some "friendly advice." He was telling me things like what the change was to give back ( which I already knew because the register told me ) and he was like: "You should count out their money. Some people appreciate it when you count out their money." 🙄I seriously kept shooting glares at him and he just held up his hands and said, "hey, I'm not forcing you to do it. Just offering some friendly advice." I was so close to snapping at him. Buck even defended him and said, "don't be mad at Eddie. He just means well." I know, I know he does but lately, he's just been a little too critical at work with me. . .like a manager when his real job should be to watch over me like a paramedic. I mean, come on, that's why Christian leaves me in their capable hands, right? In case there's an emergency? Yeah, thought so. After a while of me being quiet and ignoring him, Eddie asked me whether I was mad at him. I didn't reply, I just shook my head and kept working. At one point, my lower back really started hurting and Buck offered to give me a massage, checking to see if it was okay with Eddie first, and he told him to go right ahead. I wish like hell I could've felt his hands on me, but I didn't. I never do. 😭I bet he really does give one hell of a massage. Eddie seemed to get a little jealous when I internally started moaning and he moved in between us and was like: "Okay, that's enough."🤣 Buck instantly backed off and was like: "Hey, she's your girl. Not mine. You should be massaging her anyway" and Eddie did, insisting immediately that he was just joking and he didn't mind. I had to try to suppress my laughter while I was with a customer and this was going on. I could only smirk and shake my head in disbelief. At another point, I turned and looked over at Buck during a transaction and he smiled at me, tilted his head, and was like, "How you doin', Amy?" I told him I was tired. At least the register wall kind of gave me a place to lean back when there was a lull between customers.

Speaking of customers, it seems like everyone has been bringing their dogs into the store lately. Like I know we allow service dogs and one woman did bring this big chocolate Labrador in, but everyone else still brings their own dogs in too. Like I've seen Pomeranians, French bulldogs ( I love those little guys! ), and terriers mostly. But even if it's not PetsMart or PetCo, it still brings a smile to my face and makes my day a little better to see them appear every now and then. My mom said we aren't allowed to ask if they're service dogs so I guess people just assume it's okay. No complaints here. I'd be the best Petco/Pets Mart worker ever because I love all animals, especially cats and dogs. But I sure as hell wouldn't want to clean the cages of the other pets. I didn't even clean my own pet's cage and I still feel really bad about that. 😭😞

So I'm glad the time at least went by fast, but it was getting to be a little late into my shift and I hadn't gotten my break yet. Buck noticed and was like:

"She needs her break."

Eddie agreed but eventually, someone came to take over for me and I could finally go on my break. It went by faster than I anticipated it would then I went back, and finished out my shift, and I don't know who this kai-pham bitch is that works there but she snapped at me when the TL told me to take my go-backs to customer service before I left and I fucking swear, everyone has an attitude problem who works at this fucking store. The woman behind the customer service desk told me not to put the go-backs there because that was her "work area." 🙄 That wasn't the kai-pham bitch though. She came around after I picked up the crate with the go-backs and moved them somewhere else, to another place near the back wall. I didn't know where else to put them! Like fucking give me specific details about where shit goes and where I can find shit. That's another problem with the fucking people who work at that store. So the bitch snapped at me and asked me what that was I set down. I told her they were go-backs and she got all annoyed and demanded that I didn't put them there and just to give them to her, saying it in a way that made her seem as if she didn't want to have to deal with them or me. What a fucking bitch!

I had a talk with my friend/co-worker Veronica when I clocked out and I was getting my stuff from my locker, telling her about how I've been treated and she claims that they've been treating her the same way. So glad it's not just me, but if the shit continues, I WILL take it to Alex. So then I waited for my mom to pick me up but the bitch told me that she was still at home because she might have to call the paramedics for Chris again because they couldn't wake him up. Her and the bitch home health nurse. That just pissed me off so much! I was already pissed off enough that the smartwatch I was going to get sold out on Amazon. Asshole motherfuckers! But I have another one in mind so don't worry. Anyway, I refused to wait like a half hour for her to see what the fuck was up so I just texted my dad and asked if he could put money in my PayPal account for another Uber ride home so I did that and was able to go home when they guy picked me up.

Later that night, I watched the Livestream sermon for Sunday morning that they usually do on Saturday night ( same sermon/Bible study ) and I took notes in my sermon journal as I listened to Pastor Greg's preaching. Of course whatever he's talking about and the topic at the time almost always seems to resonate with me and truly makes me feel that its a message from God for me. That night was no exception and now I'm really worried that I'm going to end up in Hell for eternity for being so selfish all the time. It's so hard to change that though. It's hard to humble myself and choose to be lower than everyone when I've lived with that crap all my life. . .feeling like I don't matter to anyone and will never matter. I don't know what the afterlife has in store for me but I truly hope God knows I'm trying and is truly merciful to me. Please, Lord Jesus. Forgive me for my sins and help me be a better person. I really do want to be but everyone around me makes it so hard to do so and I get triggered constantly by the things they say and do and evil takes over and takes hold of me. Please cleanse me and help me find a better path to make you proud, and someone that you wouldn't mind letting into your kingdom of Heaven. My life has been Hell enough as it is. Please Heavenly Father. In Jesus's sweet name, I pray. Amen.

I also showered that night with Damon and I felt a whole lot better after the shower.

On Sunday (11/13), I had the worst fucking day ever! Not because I had to go to work, but because I had to leave and go home when this bitch manager didn't understand my need to be off of my feet and to do so as a Cashier, which led to me having an emotional breakdown at work. I don't even know where to begin but now I see what drives people for revenge on their job and to become violent and take it to an extreme degree. I think you know what I'm talking about. I wouldn't do that, I'd get Damon to do it, but I can understand where those people are coming from. I'll save you the gory details of Damon doing his thing for my other personal diary. First of all, I was late to work but again, I got there in time to clock in four minutes after ( just like before ) and since I only had time to take my Metoprolol, Dilatiazem & Glycopyrrolate ( I tried to take my Flecanaide but I didn't have enough drink to mask the taste and I spit it out ), I put the rest and the money my mom gave me for lunch in my pocket along with my phone then I put my vest on and took a peek in the orientation room, not only to see if Alex was there but also to see if they had any free waters on the table so I could finish taking my meds while I was up at the register but no such luck. I stopped at the vending machine there in the backroom around the corner from the lockers. They had this one with all waters and I put a dollar bill in it but the damn thing stole my 50 cents and didn't even give me a water. So not only was I semi-late but then that happened so that was strike one. Eddie told me to tell them and get my money back so when I went up to the front end, there were two TLs and I approached them to immediately tell them about the vending machine stealing my 50 cents. They said it steals everyone's money. 🙄🙄 Naturally. I still wanted either a water or my money back. They told me I could get a water from this "OG" or "OD". . .or something like that. I wasn't really sure what they said. I told them I didn't know what that was and, of course, after giving me an annoyed reaction, this bitch directed me where to go, apparently someplace in the corner of the store past the pets department. I didn't really know where the hell we were even going, me, Buck & Eddie. I even attempted to ask someone at the pharmacy but they didn't know shit so I just found my own way and eventually found the place the TLs were talking about. There were these girls working in that area and I asked if they had a water and they reached into this glass fridge and gave me one. I thanked them then returned to the front end.

You know, I just have to say that when I first came up there and saw all the registers that were open, I had a looming feeling that they wouldn't have a place for me, that they might put me back in the fucking cosmetics but there was already a cashier there. I also had another looming feeling that one of those TLs ( I'm not going to say both of them were bitches because one of them is actually decently nice. It was just this other one, this bitch that I had never met or seen before, but I didn't get her name, unfortunately ) was going to try and send me to the sales floor even though I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY FUCKING FEET!! And what do you think happened? That new, unfamiliar bitch attempted to send me to the sales floor to go help out folding clothes in apparel, which would probably end up being where I would stuck for the rest of the night, all fucking 7 hours ON MY MOTHERFUCKING FEET, which would undoubtedly cause me to have stabbing pain in my heels again. I told the bitch that I can't be on my feet and that I need to sit down and cashier and she said that they already had enough cashiers and they needed someone in apparel and did I have a DOCTOR'S NOTE? Which, apparently was the ONLY way they would accept my excuse. I didn't like the fat bitch's attitude when I tried to explain to her that that was the only thing I could do and she was like: "Okay, well, you have two options. . ." Either I go to the sales floor and fold or I can go home. So, as I tried not to burst into tears right there and then, naturally I chose to go home because there was nothing else I could do, but not before I nearly started crying. She told me, "okay, go clock out then."

At that point, I walked off to the back of the store with a saddened Eddie & Buck following alongside me, trying to comfort me as best as they could as I started crying. I HATE, HATE, HATE crying in public, especially at work or school, but I knew I was fired no matter what they say. Eddie stepped up beside me, wrapping an arm around me as I walked and rubbing his hand up and down my back, trying to reassure me that it would be okay, that I'd find another job. But I know the only sitting-down jobs out there aren't many, like Wal-Mart, ALDI and anything else is a desk job that I never have the qualifications for. I was crying all the way back to my locker, clocking and all the while, Buck & Eddie told me that I would find something else. After getting my stuff, I headed out of the backroom and out of the store, Eddie staying close to me with his arm around me all the while, still rubbing his hand against my back. Talk about doing the walk of shame.

When I got outside, I called my mother and told her the situation and of course, she had to be a bitch about it when its not even my fault and I told her to come and pick me up. Since she was at the pharmacy, I had to sit down on a planter outside and wait for her to come and get me. While I was waiting, I saw the nicer TL come out of the store and get into a car to leave. My instincts told me to go to her, if only so I could attempt to save my job and get rid of the uncertainty. I went to the car and asked her if this meant I was fired. She said it didn't mean that and I tried to explain to her how I told Alex that I couldn't be on my feet when I first started. She asked me if he asked me for a doctor's note and I told her he didn't because he didn't, and she said that they're supposed to ask you for one and that I would need to get one, but to talk to him when I come in on Wednesday ( so I guess I do come in again -- I wasn't sure if I waited for a call or not ) and I asked her how soon I need it and she said that as long as they know its coming, that I should be okay. So I don't know how soon I can get one. It's hard enough to get anything out of my damn regular PCP with their answering service and shit. I tried to call my old foot doctor to get one from him or make another appointment, but it turns out that he doesn't even work there anymore. So I have to rely on my fucking PCP now.

So although I was still crying a little outside the store, the dogs I passed made me smile a little and momentarily cheered me up. A couple passed by, a girl holding a cute little black and white fat chihuahua under her arm. He looked more like a cocktail weenie than a dog. 😂🤭The other guys joined me, Buck & Eddie outside. Christian tried to offer me some reassurance, again, that I would find another job. As my tears eventually died down, I nearly burst into tears again when Buck knelt down in front of me and set a comforting hand on my knee, attempting to talk to me. I just couldn't handle that or anyone touching me right then. I told him "just dont." Damon was even threatening to kill everyone for me when I started talking about killing myself. He told me they weren't worth it. That made me feel a little bit better. My mom eventually arrived and we left and she took me home. You know, if they knew that they were going to have enough or even too many cashiers for the day, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING SCHEDULED ME TO BEGIN WITH! That would've been the fucking smart decision but no, . .they had to make me have an emotional public breakdown. I changed back into my PJs when I got home and got something to eat and then just crawled into bed and played with my phone, slept on and of and that was it.

Earlier in the day, before I even left for work, I had the worst headache and I actually thought a dark spirit was rattling my door because it kept rattling in its hinges and sometimes really aggressively enough to make the dogs bark. I told my friend kat and she made me think that it was because of some weird dark energy that surrounds my mom and Chris. I'm not surprised, honestly. I don't know what it was but I'm guessing that it might've just been a draft from the window my mom opened in the bedroom for Chris because he was sick and had an infection again and a fever. . .what else is new. I'll explain in my next post. Anyway, it didn't rattle anymore later since I assumed my mom shut the window but still. . I'd really like to know just what it was. For real.

My mom brought me some Tylenol for my headache but I still had some pain and so I decided to lay down sideways at the edge of my bed while I charged my phone. Eddie wanted to check my oxygen, assuming that I might not be getting enough to my brain so I let him put the pulse ox on my finger for a while. It was normal so he thought maybe the headache could be caused by hypertension but I didn't let him and he didn't ask to check my BP. One thing he, Buck & I all noticed when I was lying there resting with the pulse ox on my finger was that it would drop for like five seconds ( sounding the alarm it does ) and then go back to normal again. I guess it's not so bad when I lay on my side and I'm a side sleeper anyway so. . .that's better for me. Maybe that's part of the reason why I haven't died in my sleep yet. When I'm lying on my back, it drops for longer and stays that way. It did get to that point where it was staying at a low rate and that's when Eddie had Buck put me on some oxygen. Buck knelt down in front of me, took the mask, and pressed it to my face. I didn't want my mom to walk in and see me like that so I kept trying to push it off despite him holding it there and telling me to "breathe." Buck told Eddie that I kept trying to take it off and that's when the sexy boyfriend took matters into his own hands, got up, and took Buck's place, kneeling down and pressing the mask to my face, holding it there and not letting me take it off.

Of course, if he's the one holding it to my face, I'm more submissive and compliant, and he presses it firmer to my face than Buck because he knows I will try and push it off again. Buck is more of a pushover than Eddie, but he'll still attempt to charm me into letting him do what needs to be done because that's Buck for you. Even when Eddie pulled it away when I told him I was feeling better and needed to get ready to leave, I still somehow missed the mask on my face and gestured for him to give me more oxygen, to which he was more than willing to oblige, holding it up and pressing it to my face as I leaned toward it. I don't know why I find that so fucking hot, but I do. Maybe because of that intently determined and somber "medic" look he always has on his face. It's so fucking hot when he's the one holding it and pressing it to my face. It makes me so fucking horny! Eventually, I got all the oxygen I needed and you already know the rest.

That night, I actually fell asleep a couple of times with the oxygen mask still on my face because Buck & Eddie were giving me some for my headache, and yes, it actually worked to take it away! Now that they know it does, that's like their go-to treatment for me now. 🙄😳🤭I hate them seeing me with that thing on or anyone for that matter but they always beg to differ that I should be embarrassed in any way by it. As always, I almost didn't bother taking my meds or brushing and flossing my teeth because I was so tired, but considering the naps I got, I could get up and do it much to the satisfaction of the rest of the guys. Eddie was also sleeping next to me, which, of course, I have no complaints about ever. 😉 I tried to meditate for a little while and I ran away from Buck & Eddie when I saw them giving Courtney attention in the Wonderland, and I took the elevator up to Dom's office, who noticed I was running from someone and asked me who. I told him and I swear I was going to let him look at my teeth but somehow I ended up falling asleep before he had the chance. He's used to it by now so I don't think he really minds.

On Monday (11/14), I had my horrendous gynecologist appointment. That morning. . .because my mom's husband, Chris, has had a high fever for like three days and she couldn't control it, she called the asshole 9-1-1 to come and get him to take him back to the hospital. I love how he shouted "AMA" at them when they came into the bedroom and said he was feeling fine! 🤣👏👍That would totally be me. . .unless of course the medics were hot enough that I'd sit on their face, but who fucking knows nowadays if they are when some of them still wear face diapers. But yeah, I would never let anyone, especially my mom call those fucks to try and tend to me. I have a death wish and pretty soon, I'm hoping for an advanced directive (DNR order). Besides, why bother if I won't even be awake to enjoy the resuscitation? I'd spit on them, kick them and tell them to go fuck themselves or find me some medics to play patient to like Buck & Eddie. Like bitch, I intend on dying at home in my bed, not letting some gold-digging assholes and whores profit from my death by trying to kill me and say I died of COVID. The only medical professionals I trust are the ones I create with the power of my mind and those that are already dead. Like Gretchen Weiners once said: "YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!" 🤣🤣 Okay, anyway, getting down off my soap box now. I've said all this before about fucking medical professionals and not trusting them. They can suck a bag of dicks! So the medics came and took Chris to the hospital. . .yep, back he goes, even though he didn't want to go. Yeah, I wouldn't want to go back to the hospital/slaughterhouse that nearly killed me either. Literally. I think I explained that before when I had to have my gallbladder out and only my preferred hospital was able to find it and take care of me. Of course, me being me got up and wanted to peek and see if any of the medics/firefighters were hot and Eddie was like: "What are you doing? Amy, Don't." I told him, "I'm just curious." He replied, "more like nosy." Buck was in my room at the time and he chuckled at that. They didn't like me talking to them about getting a DNR and wanting to die there and not letting anyone else touch me but that's just them being them too. I just hope that they respect my decision. If they're really my friends, they will.

After they took Chris around like 11am, I went back to sleep for a couple more hours and then I woke up, got dressed and got ready to head out to my gyno appointment. Ugh! I didn't want to be there. I hated it as much as being at the dentist. I had to call and make sure that I was in fact seeing a female doctor and not a male because I looked online last night on this MyChart thing and it said I was scheduled with some fucking MALE doctor. I was like: "Oh HELL NO." Unless, you know, he looks like Matt Bomer or those other guys in the erotic romance novels, which is rare. Nope. Not even close. I looked his name up online and he's some ugly old guy. I wasn't planning on seeing him anyway or much less letting them put me with him so I made sure to call them first and check to make sure that it wasn't going to be a male. They said it wasn't, so that was good.

When we got to the hospital, we were walking through the halls heading to the clinic, and I saw some guy in scrubs and a surgeon cap and mask walking a ways in front of us and I started to wonder if he was hot and Christian was like telling me, "stop it, stop it right now, young lady. Don't forget which one of us is also a surgeon." 😳🤭He had me blushing because I knew he meant himself. I told him that I was just looking and I kinda felt slightly bad about it because I could actually feel Eddie's jealousy behind me. I kept wanting to see what he looked like, this guy, even when he took off his mask and then he disappeared and I was kinda sad. I can't help! I have the fetish and I told the guys this. . .even though, you know, they already know. I was like: "Aw shit. He's gone now? Where'd he go?" But Christian was like, "Amy, stop it. I am not pleased with you right now, young lady and neither is Eddie."

Anyway, we got to what I assumed was the women's clinic after following all the signs and I went up to the desk and checked in, the guys standing behind me. Buck said he assumed this was it. I was confused though since there were no signs advertising or confirming it. Christian told me just to "wait" so they could see if it was and I could ask when I got up to the window. I checked in and then we sat down in the waiting area, Christian sitting in the chair to my left, Eddie sitting on the coffee/wooden end table to my right, and Buck, Damon, and Dom sitting in the chairs across from us. Buck leaned forward and told me that if I didn't want him to go in with me, he didn't have to. I thought about it for a little bit then eventually settled on just Eddie & Christian. Buck was fine with that and said he'd stay out there. And seriously, can I tell you how sick and tired I am of people mispronouncing my last name? How fucking hard is it? Just because its spelled differently doesn't mean you pronounce it any differently. Dumbasses! 🙄

So when we went in, me and Eddie and Christian, they made me get weighed on the fucking scale. 🙄I hate that part but I told the nurse not to tell me what it was. She didn't. She also had me sit down and took my blood pressure, which of course, Eddie & Christian had to walk over to so they could see what it was even if, you know, they tell them anyway. The nurse asked me questions about my medications and allergies and then she wanted to know if she could get a urine sample. God! Why do they always ask for one at the women's clinic? Bitch I'm not pregnant!. . .Unless I'm the Virgin Mary or something. So I told her I would have to wait since I didn't really have to go. I mean, I did a little and I brought my water so I figured we'd see. She led me to an exam room where Christian leaned against the counter and Eddie stood near the ultrasound machine at the side of the exam table with his sexy muscular arms crossed until a medical student came in to ask me a bunch of questions about my history and my problem with my periods and all that. Eventually, she finished and left the room. Eddie took it upon himself to lean against the side of the exam table still with his arms crossed. Another blonde woman ( who I thought was the twin of the other blonde 🤣 -- they did look alike ) came in to ask me a bunch of other questions to confirm what I had told the med student. She was a PA (physician's assistant) and the med student from before also came back in with her as we talked. So the two of them left and went to go talk to the provider, probably that

ugly old man, about what the next steps would be for me and I just waited for that. Eddie and Christian didn't move but Eddie asked me if I had to go to the bathroom yet. I told him "a little bit" and he said I should try and go. Christian, of course, agreed. Their stances matched too. They were mirroring each other, it was so cute! 🤣 I told them and Eddie glanced back at Christian and then lowered his arms to the table. 🤭🤣I started drinking my water and Christian was like: "Drink your water," then grabbed the ziplock bag beside him with the urine cup, held it up, and said, "So you can go." 🙄🙄 Sure, I can roll my eyes here in my blog but if I did it for real, he would take me over his knee. Not that that would be a bad thing, mind you. 😉

They came back in, the PA and med student, and told me that they wanted to do an HPV test that would require them to open me up and look inside ( I'm paraphrasing ) with the speculum like a pap test. Plus, they also wanted to do blood tests to check my metabolic panel and an abdominal ultrasound (those on another visit). They gave me the option of either giving me this little brush to do it myself or for them to do it. I honestly wouldn't trust myself to do it right so like an idiot, I attempted to let the PA do it. I had to go to the bathroom first just in case, you know. . .and just like I thought, they make everyone do it to check for pregnancy. Pffft! Well like I said, I'm not the Virgin Mary. So I tried to give them their urine sample for no good reason at all and then returned to the room and they left me to get undressed from the waist down. Christian looked at me with hesitancy and said, "are you sure you want to do this?" I told him I would try. I knew they weren't forcing me into anything, but I did want to try because they said HPV doesn't come with symptoms but that my mom could've given it to me at birth. 😒 Weird. Eddie assured me that he would be right there holding my hand but even though he attempted to get me to look at him and maintain eye contact while he rubbed his hand against my arm, I just couldn't take the speculum. It wasn't even a pediatric size like the last nurse practitioner used when I had my other pap. She said that those run the risk of not letting her get a good sample or see the cervix. Pffffft! Well, the other woman did it with no problem years ago. 🙄🙄 So yeah, if I have HPV that might cause cancer. . .so be it. But ain't no one sticking anything in me again until I have my cherry popped. . .well, unless it's on the astral plane. On the astral plane, I'm not a virgin cause Carlon, my Concuan, took my virginity. When I had the PA stop and decided that I couldn't do it, I even attempted to get her to write me a note for work for my heel spurs but since she said she wasn't technically seeing me for that, she couldn't write me a note. Dumbass cunt! Fine. Be that way! Not like I didn't try though. So I wiped myself off and got dressed and apologized to Christian & Eddie. They told me not to apologize, that it was okay, and that if I couldn't do it I couldn't do it. They said they were proud of me for at least trying. After that, I signed out with the woman at the desk and she said that they were still waiting for approval on my ultrasound, so I just told her I would wait for the thing they usually send in the mail from my insurance, and apparently, my doctor made an appointment for me for December 7th. I didn't know I had one for December 7th. No one told me, but apparently, I do, which will be good so I can get the damn note I need for work.

Anyway, I was a little embarrassed when I came out ( Buck, Damon, and Dom rising to their feet ) and Buck asked what happened and if I'm okay then Eddie proceeded to tell him about the tests I'm set to have done but mostly, how they tried to do an HPV test but I couldn't get through it or take the speculum. 😳😞I don't know what exactly was said since he walk talking to Buck so quietly but I did hear the words: "couldn't take the speculum." So yeah. . .but Buck didn't look at me with any shame and neither did Damon or Dom. Just sympathetic remorse and silent understanding. They can be such sweeties without even saying anything, and I know I don't have to be ashamed. It was already dark when we came out, naturally with the time change for it getting darker sooner. Ugh! I should like it but I don't really cause of that. Not good for appointments later in the day. Oh! And having something stuck up inside of me somehow triggered my cramps and I started having pain. I had to take my Aleve again. Had I'd known that shit would happen, I wouldn't have even let them do anything to me. I don't know if that's normal or what but Christian, "I'm sure it's perfectly normal after something like that although I'm not a gynecologist." Yeah. . .not like my other character, Eric, who I'm sure would probably shame me and tell me to suck it up and get through it. 🙄Yeah. . .I'm really glad I never made him a Tulpa. It would be fun for no one.

I really wanted my mom to pick me up like she said she might be able to but naturally. . .🙄 she was still at the fucking slaughterhouse/murder hospital with fucking Chris like she'd been all day. I was so fucking pissed at her! I wanted to cry and kill myself, which the guys weren't happy about hearing but Buck & Eddie sat in the chairs across from me while I sat down in the waiting room and tried to get my fucking ride back home from the transport service. I was about ready to have a nervous breakdown when the damn fucking ride got stuck somewhere and I feared I wouldn't get home in time to see Buck & Eddie on 9-1-1. I had to call the transport service back so they could send another driver, and then find my way back down to the main floor with the other guys. After taking a couple of wrong turns and getting off on the wrong floor, we made it to the main floor and I sat down on a bench to take another Aleve. I told Eddie & Buck to please take care of me and Eddie assured me that they would, that as soon as we got home, they'd put me in bed, which is what they did. Every time I complain about there not being any Medic Eddie in the latest 9-1-1 episode, Eddie smiles so sweetly, sometimes grabs his stethoscope if he has it on, and says, "Medic Eddie is right here." As sweet as that is, it's not always the same. 😞But I digress. I almost had a panic attack when I went through the doors of the hospital outpatient entrance and almost wound up trapped in the wheelchair access area, but luckily, I managed to get the door open. I was ready to bang on the opposite door and glass in the hopes someone would pass by and see me to let me out. Or I could've just called 911. Boy, would that be something for a 9-1-1 fan fic story.

Another thing that sucked was that every time I have a fucking appointment at that hospital, no one can ever fucking find me when they come to pick me up. It took like 20-30 minutes for the Uber driver to even find me. Christian suggested I go and sit down in a wheelchair that someone left by a pillar until the guy arrived but I declined. . .until I had to wait even longer and my cramps started up again. I decided to actually go over and sit in the wheelchair as I talked to the guy on the phone and waited for him to find me. It felt weird. . .sitting in the wheelchair again since I haven't sat in one since I was wheeled out of the other hospital after being discharged from my gallbladder surgery stay. I don't even remember when that was anymore. Like maybe 2018. I don't remember. Definitely when I was still working at KMart. But eventually, I just had to walk to the front hospital entrance for him to actually find me because he didn't know where the hell the Outpatient Entrance was. I was about ready to give up entirely and I had a headache by the time I got into the car. At least he was a younger guy and kinda cute and we had a nice conversation on the way to my house. Too bad he was married with children. At least I assumed he was married since he mentioned a daughter but what do I know? His name was Adam. Nice! He said he lives in Beaumont, where we used to live years ago, and yeah. That was that. I wanted to show him a creepy Ring doorbell video on YouTube and when he arrived at our mobile home, I sort of stayed there in his car a little longer than I should have searching for it but didn't end up finding it. Either way, the other guys were jealous AF and I could feel how palpable it was. Eventually, I gave him and the guy said he had to get back so I just got out, the guys shaking their heads and being semi-annoyed and exasperated.

Tuesday (11/15) I had another appointment, this one with my dermatologist, and OMG! I was in the Uber car with Eddie and he was totally into the Spanish rap music the driver was playing. 🤣🤣 He was like: "I could get used to this" and he was all shimmying his shoulders. I could even see him out of the corner of my eye doing it and I can't even with him. . .🤣🤣 I just wanted to start laughing hysterically at him. Naturally. I always get stuck with drivers that listen to the only two genres of music that I don't listen to. 🙄 Either Spanish or Worship. Sometimes I even get stuck with drivers listening to sportscasts for like baseball and stuff. Once I had a driver who was actually listening to an audiobook. It sounded like a corporate mystery/Wallstreet thriller from what I remember. I kinda enjoyed that. A little. Even if that's not my genre of books, Thrillers, yes. Sometimes mysteries but not that often. Definitely not big corporate or law stories, In regard to the Spanish music, I was like: "Do you like this Eddie?" And he was like: "I love this." My God! 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️

Anyway, me and my guys had to go to the dermatologist appointment. I wished like hell they could've just done it over the computer to save me from putting real clothes on but ordinarily, I just throw on a pair of sweats or leggings and a tee and I'm ready to go. Ugh! I should really not be on my phone in the car either. I get car sick so easily. Eddie & Christian are always telling me not to. So the appointment was short as always. I got an email from the county for an interview to be a library assistant that I applied for in the past. Hell of a time to email me about it when I already have a job. A job that I want out of. . .but how can I guarantee that they are going to let me sit down at this job? I called them and they said its possible I could be on my feet for longer than an hour. . .so I might just have to turn it down unless its sitting mostly at a desk. 😞I was on the phone when I went into the exam room. Christian & Eddie leaned against the side countertop, not mirroring each other but still. Eddie with his hands at his sides on either side of the counter and Christian with his arms crossed or his hands in his pockets. I told the woman on the phone that I would think about it but I already have a feeling I won't. Like I said numerous times before, I have to sit. I talked briefly to the PA who I've been seeing for now instead of Dr. Daewood ( but I do miss that guy! He always seems like he'd make a really good gay friend. I miss having gay guy friends! They're fun and amusing. ). But anyway, I talked to her about meds and the itchy mosquito bites and that was it. I made another appointment and then we left and I called for my ride. To our surprise, it was the same guy. 🤣 And like an idiot, I had left my Snapple in his car but since he had had other passengers after me, I decided not to chance drinking the rest of it. But yeah, funny that he was the same one pick me up.

I've also been online shopping and looking to buy pins to put on my work vest. I Googled if they let you put pins on it and people say "yes," as long as they aren't offensive. So we'll see.

Wednesday (11/16) was another day of Hellacious work but it didn't seem like anyone talked about what happened on Sunday, the managers at least, which was good and a relief. I had to get an Uber because my fucking mother had some stupid fucking meeting at work. Ugh! 🙄🙄 I had a good conversation with the driver. I like when they're not mute. When I go to hellacious work and walked into the store, Buck set his hands on my shoulders and gave them a squeeze and said, "you got this, Amy!" Aww! 🥰 He's such a sweetie! Eddie asked me if I wanted to go get my lunch for later so I would'n't have to wait in line since we had some time to spare, like a half hour. I asked Eddie were Christian was and he said, "it's okay. He knows you're with us." 😁 Awww! So I got a half sub, some o fthose cookie dough bites and a Cherry 7Up. Eddie was like: "You have enough for all that?" And I was like: "I hope so." I went through self-check-out and thank GOD there was no line. Smart Eddie! Good thing I got there with enough time to spare. When I got in the breakroom, I sat in there waiting to clock in and they were watching Miss Congeniality. Finally something good was on since they just usually keep it on mute in the background playing funny fail videos. When I was up at self checkout, I already saw they had quite a few cashiers and I was worried that I might be screwed and need a ride home again. At least until my mom finished her meeting. I said a silent prayer and hoped to God it wouldn't happen again.

Shocker that they actually put me back on the register, but ugh! That bitch that told me to go home and tried to put me on the sales floor was there and guess what? I think she's the fucking cunt I'm supposed to report to as the main supervisors of the cashiers. . .just fucking lovely. FML! I just want to quit so fucking bad. Figures she'd have the name of my ex-friend. . .Cassandra. I desperately need to talk to a therapist but the fucks don't even give me another day off until the 22nd. 🙄🤬 I can't stand working for those bitches anymore. Damon keeps reminding me that I can quit at any time. I know, I know, and that library assistant position would probably be the lesser of two evils but my feet would suffer and of course, so would I. I mean, first of all, they forgot my fucking first break and I didn't even get it until nearly 4 when I came in at fucking 12!! Buck & Eddie were pissed off and if you know how easy going and laid-back they usually are, it takes a lot to piss them off but they were pissed. Buck kept saying, "She needs her break. She needs her break," and Eddie was like: "I know. I know," crossing his arms firmly over his chest and shaking his head in disbelief. When Buck caught my gaze, he was like: "We're not mad at you. We're mad at the people who are your supervisors." People? Pfft! I would harldy call them that. More like bitches. They aren't worthy of being called people. "People" is a respectful term and they don't deserve respect. They knew I had a headache and that I was parched and desperately needed something to drink so that's why they wanted me to have my break so I could take something but the pain went away eventually without me having to take something for it. Eddie asked me which side of my head hurt and I told him the right side and he was a sweet to lean in and plant a kiss to my temples. I was like: "Awww thanks Papa."

The things that pissed me off that day were first of all, they decided to get rid of the magnet keys on all the fucking registers execept for two so I had to fucking get up and go over to those registers that had the key to unlock the items people bring that are inside clear boxes. And they also expect us to shell out our own money now to our own. 🙄🤬Another cashier said I could buy one on Amazon. The second thing that pissed me off was this bitch customer that was buying like three gift cards, two Visa cards and one store gift card and I'm still new on how to add money to the cards of even take them as payment on the register, so I had to sort of take a couple minutes to figure that out and eventually call someone over to show me how to add the money on the card, and then when that was all said and done and I finished ringing up the woman's stuff, she wanted me to print gift receipts for the gift cards to show her what was on each but since I didn't know how to do that and never had doing it before, she's like: "Oh no, did I go to the wrong cashier?" Like bitch. . .I'm still new. I even apologized and told her that I was new and didn't know how to do that yet. Then she just got all annoyed and turned and walked off, and I swear I saw her stop and talk to another employee, probably about me. Fucking bitch. At this point, I don't even care anymore what anyone says about me. I will defend my fucking position and insist that I don't have the answers to everything NOR DO I KNOW EVERYTHING! I'm still learning so exqueese me! And the third thing that pissed me off was a combination of two things. So there was this customer that had like a whole box of burritos and I was trying to use the quantity button as a shortcut but apparently I ended up ringing another food item 17 times and somehow it raised her total to like over $300. I didn't know how to void the whole item or if I'd have to void the whole transaction so I just started going one at a time to take them off, but that didn't seem to be working either so I had to call the manager, Vanessa, over to fix it. And she had to void the whole transaction and scan the woman's stuff again and WHILE she was doing that, the fucking bitch had the nerve to take things out of the other bags and move them around then SCHOOL me on how I should BAG! Like I've never fucking bagged or cashiered before! 🤬😡🙄 Telling me shit I already know how to do and do anyway when I bag. Ooh that just burned me up! And then that other bitch, Cassandra ( yeah, that's the name of the bitch who gave me attitude and made me cry on Sunday ), is all staring at me from the other register in front of me, as if she's watching my work to make sure I'm bagging right. That's the last fucking thing I needed after that other bitch pissed me off.

I swear, I can't take much more of this. Between these bitches at work and my toxic mother, I'm barely hanging on by a thread and all i want to do is take my own life and pray to God for help, for happiness, for all this mental pain and anguish to go away. I desperately need to talk to God and beg for help, for happiness, for a better place in life. I need to be in a better place. I need happiness and love and caring and some peace of mind. How do I ask God for help? For happiness and peace of mind? What if he hates me now? I'd said and done so many things, bad things, that I wouldn't blame him. He's probably intent on sending me straight to Hell. I thought I could change but I can't. I need the love and comfort of an angel. Right now, Buck & Eddie are my angels. And Christian and Dom and Damon, who called himself my "therapist" that day. 🙄Buck & Eddie guffawed, clearly finding it as ridiculous as me. I told him he's not my therapist. He's my personal cheerleader, but he doesn't like that name because he thinks its gay. That male cheerleaders are gay. I said he can be my "moral support."

Something that cheer me up and made my day was when that bitch Cassandra came to my register to switch out the money drawer and the Mexican lady in line said: "She had an atitude." 🤣😁👍👏I vigorously nodded my head and widened my eyes but didn't say anything. 🤣Looks like I'm not the only one who noticed this bitch having an attitude. What else? Buck & Eddie had to go back and forth around the register for most of my shift because it was getting crowded every now and then and there were other cashiers and customers both in front and behind me so they had to find a place to stand until it was free and clear again. Eddie was still helping me with the bag count and a couple of times, Buck and him even stepped aside to let me pass to the customer's cart to scan items and Buck made a big ol'e grand gesture, extending his arm toward the cart. 🤭😊What a cutie! There was even a point when some guy came through my line and he coughed and was buying cold/flu medicine and I was about to touch my face absentmindedly and Eddie was like: "Don't touch your face! Buck and I don't want you getting sick." Awwww!! 🥰

So back to what I was saying, it fucking took them long enough just to give me my fucking break almost 4 hours later when its supposed to be after 2 fucking hours! So fucking ridiculous! I honestly think they did that purposely. They just hate me. On my break, I didn't want to take my regular meds but Eddie insisted that I should. My old friend, Rodney, also called me when I was at the register. The awesome manager I had at Kmart. God I miss him sooooo much! The MARCEL to my HAYLEY! I gotta add him to my peeps page. I can't believe I didn't add him before. I need to redo that whole page. Anyway, I talked to him on my break about how work was going and took my meds and God I hate when he takes my mom's side. Like WTF? He claims that she says all this bullshit to me because she wants me to be successful. No, bitch. She wants me to end up killing myself. And he started talking about how I'll get used to my heel spurs if I just go a little more to the point where it almost hurts but doesn't. I had no fucking idea what he was talking about but I tired to pretend like I did. He says like the same shit that my mom said to me about having gone home on Sunday, How it would've been better if I'd stayed because if I go home one more time, I might be forfeiting my job. Pffft! Sometimes I wonder why I talk to him because I feel like he's just repeating the same shit my mom says only in a nicer tone. I just can't with him sometimes but he's still my friend and I love him. Even if he's half-way across the country in Louisiana. It would be more ironic if he were in NOLA. Then he'd be the true King of the Quarter. He also told me he's doing extermination now. 😱😨🫣Like WTF?! Why would he want to do that? Ewwww! God no! Idk WTF he's thinking! He's better suited to security or Team Lead in retail. Just the thought of it makes my stomach sick.

That was my break and of course when Alex told me to talk to him on my break, he wasn't there anymore. He left at 3. 🙄 Thanks asshole cunt managers. My headache had gone away by then so I didn't have to take anything. And then my lunch came but this other bitch, Crystal, who I thought was supposed to be my friend, she was all getting an atittude with me like she couldn't believe I was taking my lunch at the time I was, saying that the register shou've been prompting me to clock out. Pffft! Well it didn't, bitch. So we just went to lunch and it was nice to be so near to clock out after my lunch but that kai-pham bitch was also in the breakroom when I was having my lunch so I just tried to ignore her, even though it seems like this bitch always has something to complain about when I think she's the real problem. 🙄And I thought I was bad. It must be a minority thing. Eddie was warning me not to say anything. At least he got to sit next to me at the table. I also saw Erik again, the guy who I got hired with. I've missed him! He walked into the breakroom while I was there so that brought a smile to my face. 😊 And he smiles at me a lot too.

The last hour passed quick and I saw Erik again at the time clock and talked to him a little more. You know, he would be a pretty decent looking guy if he'd just shave his face and that goatee or whatever he has. But he's still nice and seems like he'd make a great friend. I could sense my guys jealousy as I was talking to him but of course, what do you expect? They get jealous of any guy they have to see me talking to. They're guys. 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️ Damon was teasing me as I left to head out and go home. he was like: "Oooh, Amy's got a booyfriend." 🙄🙄Like seriously! Is he 12? Little dickwad! If anything, I'd think he'd be threatened or jealous. I told him to shut up, he's not my boyfriend. Eddie is, if anything. And Eddie is 10x the guy Erik will ever be. Sorry.

On Thursday (11/17), I actually wore my pins on my vest. Those two cat pin I bought as a set from Amazon and the managers didn't seem to care or mind so thank God for that. I don't want to have wasted money for nothing. Still, my stomach decided to ruin my life again. Seriously, when does it not? Why must I suffer for the food I choose to eat? On my lunch break, I used the pill bottle of change my mom gave me and a dollar or so from my account and I was so stupid to eat some of the popcorn chicken they sell freshly made there, which I will NEVER eat again. Especially not after it was sitting there for like 3 hours. I didn't start to feel sick until like the last hour and a half of my shift. I was in the middle of ringing someone up when I started to feel sick to my stomach. I told Eddie and he & Buck exchanged a concerned look and I told him that I have to go to the bathroom. He told me to tell them so I flashed my light and that bitch TL Crystal came over and I asked her if someone could take over for me because I had to go to the bathroom because I wasn't feeling good. She was like: "Seriously?" And yeah bitch, seriously! So she took over for me. Even though I was on a "20 items of less" lane, which was probably better for me since it would require me to do so much, I still couldn't wait to go, so I went. . .or at least I tried to go. I sat there for a long time, not realizing just how long but I just couldn't seem to do anything. When I came out of the stall and tried to suck it up, some other female employee said that Crystal was looking for me. 🙄😞Yeah, like I didn't see that one coming. So I had no choice but to go back to my register where she was still ringing people up and she told me that I was gone for 30 minutes ( Ooops! ) and that I should consider that my last break. I hadn't meant to be that long but you know. . .shit happens! Literally.

After she got over her annoyance and I stood there at a loss for words, she told me to take over for Jonathan on Register 8. I walked over to his lane then forgot the stool I was sitting on so I had to go back for it and when I did, Eddie told me to tell her about my stomach problems and I was like: "Her ass won't give a shit." I was so worried it was going to come back and the feeling started to a little but Eddie just kept rubbing his hand up and down my back and telling me to "hang in there," promising that he & Buck would tuck me into bed when I got home, like always. But hanging in there was easier said than done. Luckily, the hour went by really fast and Eddie helping to comfort me with his affection helped a little too. When someone took over for me and I left, Buck & Eddie couldn't be more relieved, just as I was and they tried to keep close to my side as I walked slowly to the back to clock out. Eddie mostly kept close to me, his arm around my waist, his hand gently pressing against the small of my back as he gazed so intently at me. He and Buck both. So I clocked out then got my stuff and called my mom to see if she was there yet and that I had to go to the bathroom again. Naturally, her bitch self told me to hurry up but then she decided to come into the store to do some shopping for her lunch tomorrow.

So even though I couldn't go at the store, when I got home, oh man, I had the worst case of food poisoning, stomach cramping and diarrhea ever. I had to go back and forth to the bathroom several times. I thought I was going to have to to go to urgent care or the fucking hospital/slaughterhouse. Buck & Eddie never really got a chance to take care of me because of that but they understood, despite having their stethoscopes draped over their shoulders and being fully ready to tend to me.

Friday (11/18), I got my smartwatch in the mail and now Eddie & Buck will not stop looking at their phones! Apparently they have smartphones now too for being Tulpas and since they downloaded the app for my watch on their phones, they can check on my vitals now anytime they want. 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️What have I done? Eddie says its good for them so they can keep an eye on me, only more so than before. Deeply keep an eye on me. 😉Buck says, "Well, we're keeping an eye on your body." And Eddie is like: "Exactly. We're paramedics. That's what we do." They didn't say that but that's what you could call it. At first, when I started work, neither me, Eddie or Buck could figure out why the app or my watch waasn't updating my vital signs or my heart rate on my wrist. I thought it was broken and we'd have to return it, and all I could do was shrug and say to Eddie and Buck: "I don't know what to tell you." 🙄🤣I'm so stupid! Apparently I had the health monitoring set to the wrong hours. Eddie was the one who caught my mistake when I was looking through the app functions. I had the monitoring hours set from 00 to 11:59. In military time. So that's why it stopped monitoring at 11:55 am. He pointed it out to me so I had to set it to 23:59 so it would monitor all day. It seems like it checks my vitals every 5 minutes from what I've noticed, which is WAAY better than my old smartwatch that only did it every hour on the hour. And you know how embarassing it was when Buck declared, "Okay, NOW its checking her vitals. It's updating." 😳🤦🏽‍♀️And Eddie was all nodding his head as he looked at his phone going, "Good. It's updating for me too." Then all matter-of-factly, Buck goes, "her current BP is 120 over. . ." Something or other. I stopped listening to their conversation and focused on the customer instead. Have I told you how thankful I am that no one else can see or hear them? My God, these men will be the death of me. I'm sure some customers have seen me blush a few times because of them. I was seriously screaming in my head: "Stop. Looking. At. Your. Phones!" And they're just like: "We have to!" My God! Aye Dios mio! 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️Another time Buck was like sighing and saying: "She's tachycardic." And Eddie was like: "It's probably just because she's moving around a lot." And when I went on my break, they got all concerned about my BP having spiked before then. I was like: "Well, that's what these fucks do to me." And I had a headache so Eddie was insisting that it was due to me being hypertensive, but I had just taken my meds so I'm like: "Gimme a break, God! It'll come down." I swear, this thing is gonna make them more paranoid about my health, not less, and if we're home, I'd rather Eddie do the vitals check himself, by hand, because I love those masculine hands all over me in any way I can get them. . .even if I can't technically feel them. 😞He says he still will when we're at home and he can do a pulse check anytime even without the watch. 😍

Other than that, it was a regular work day and people weren't really being cunts so that was a plus. I also saw some cute little chihuahuas that put a smile on my face. . .I had my lunch and I had one of those triangle turkey and cheese sandwiches on wheat bread along witha long slice of pre-cut bread. Even though the lines were long, I was still able to find a cashier that had only one person in line. The lady that was working in front of me. The store also had some Mexican food or whatever for that morning that they considered to be their Thanksgiving dinner, which was really stupid and pathetic. No offense to Eddie. I wasn't working the morning shift, thank GOD but they had them there all day. Unfortunately, they were only serving soft tacos not hard ones, and beans but I didn't realize until lunch time that they could've made me a quesidilla. It probably would've been a bad idea though. Eddie sure was pleased to see the Mexican food though. . .🙄 Seriously though? That's your idea of a Thanksgiving dinner? Bitch, please. They better have something else for Black Friday. Some actual Thanksgiving-like good. I told the men behind the counter where they had their set up around the back of the store that I prefer hard tacos and he was like, "Sorry Mihai," making Eddie laugh. 🙄 I didn't have any of that food, thankfully. That would've probably made what happened later worse. I'll explain in a sec. I'm sure you can guess though.

All I did on my break was sit down in the break room and take my meds even though I really didn't want to, and talk to some people. I took all of my meds except for the one for my hyper hydrosis and my Flecanaide because I accidentally left my Snapple up at the register and I needed something flavored so I wouldn't taste it. The medicine is for my A-Fib and when my lunch came around, I forgot all about taking it anf while Eddie was sitting at the table with me and Buck was leaning against the soda machine, I felt a flutter in my heart and realized my A-Fib was back. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that the watch doesn't detect heart rhythms. I wouldn't want Buck & Eddie & Christian to know because that would just make them more paranoid and on my ass even more. . .and maybe a tiny part of me wouldn't mind it but overall. . .yeah. I don't know. I know there's watches out there that do that but I can't find them right now on Amazon. I'm still keeping this one but I'm definitely going to look into those ones too. Maybe. Anyway, even though I try my hardest to hide it, somehow Buck & Eddie and even Christian can tell when something is really wrong. I don't know how, they just do. Maybe it's the expression on my face, my sharp inhalation or the way I just freeze all of a sudden and act like I'm trying to catch my breath. Something. They know when I insist that I'm fine, don't answer them, refuse to look at them, or play it off like nothing is wrong, that's my tell. 🤬😬 I muttered that I thought I was going into A-Fib anf they both flinched and straightened to attention. Naturally, Buck stepped forward, dropped to a squat beside the table and took my wrist, glancing briefly at his watch then informing Eddie that my rhythm was steady and strong and felt normal. I tried to assure them that it was only a few seconds and that I was fine and even before Eddie told me to, I was already taking my Flecainide. I guess that's a lesson learned not to wait so long to take it.

I was tempted to go and get those two guys outside to make me a quesidilla but I didn't want to rock the boat as far as what I was eating. I didn't think it would do me any harm but during the last 20 minutes of my shift, I started feeling sick to my stomach, and after telling Buck & Eddie and them encouraging me to go to the bathroom, I had to call someone to come and take over for me so I could run to the bathroom. I couldn't wait. Thankfully it wasn't the manager bitch. It was another employee. I didn't stay in there for 30 minutes this time. More like 10 and got out what I could. Since I had like 10 minutes left of my shift, I just went up to Vanessa and told her the situation about my stomach issues and how I tend to get sick after almost everything I eat. She asked me if it was a regular thing or something that just started. I told her it was a chronic problem and she said "okay. . ." and I asked her if I should just go and clock out since I was off in 10 minutes and not feeling good. She said I could but to take my go backs to customer service. Fortunately, there wasn't a bitch there to get on my ass about it. It was the girl who took over my register previously and she just told me to leave them there and she would take care of it. Lucky for me. Eddie & Buck stayed as close to my side as they could (not wanting to get in the way of customers or run into any clothing racks along the way) and walked me to the backroom. Buck had to split from me and Eddie a few times when the aisles became too narrow to accommodate all three of us together, but he eventually came back at my side. Eddie is always such a sweetheart to have his arm around me, staying so close to my side, watching me closely, rubbing his hand up and down my back so comfortingly, even dragging a hand down the back of my head and caressing my hair reassuringly. Sometimes he'll sneak a little kiss in there too. I can't even with him! 😍🥰 I love him sooo much! Buck will also stay close to my side and watch me closely when he can, his arm sometimes joining Eddie's when I least expect it to. Eddie reassured me that, as always, they'd tuck me into bed when I got home. When I got to my locker, I leaned and waited with my forehead pressed against the locker for the time clock to reach at least one minute til the time I clock out. Buck stood leaning against the lockers, and turned in my direction, he and Eddie still watching me closely. Then we walked out to my mom's car and it pissed me off that she didn't go directly home but to fucking In-N-Out. I swear, she's so stupid sometimes when she asks me if I want anything even though its obvious I'm too sick for it. I did have to get down and go to the bathroom though so I did. When I came back, she told me there was some guy in there doing the fries that looked like Buck. Unfortunately, I missed him.

Saturday (11/19) I was supposed to go into work, but since I had been sick the past couple of days and working non-stop, Eddie & Buck insisted that I needed a "day of rest," so they kept me home and I called out and everything. I sort of regretted it because I wasn't really all that sick but I figured, whatever, I'd humor them and it gave me more time to sleep so. . .I slept and when I woke up, I decided to finally put up my black mosquito net. Easier said than done. I broke a serious sweat just attempting to do it. 🤦🏽‍♀️🥵😬 See! This is what I need Eddie & Buck for. . .They're firefighters too. They're supposed to do all the handy stuff. Of course they would if they could and Buck definitely volunteered to do it but you know, not being flesh & blood doesn't exactly help the situation. So I did it all myself and managed to get it pinned up in a somewhat decent way. It's decently hung up but I have to crawl under it quick to prevent any of those little whores from getting in and stuff up all the openings even if it means bunching them up. Buck was the first one to try sleeping under it with me. I felt kinda bad for him. It's more annoying than I thought it would be. I was trying to update this blog that night but Eddie was intent on me lying back/lying down and resting and having Buck put me on an oxygen mask. Ugh! As paramedics, they don't mess around with chest pains and they've told me this. They always insist that I let them treat me. Of course, I can still refuse treatment but I love them too much to always do that and I feel super guilty if I do. . .eventually anyway and then I give in. So I just let them do their thing. As always. And it kinda pissed me off when Buck, Eddie & Christian all insisted I sleep with the damn oxygen mask on because of my chest pains, which weren't even that bad anymore when I actually went to sleep but they weren't taking "no" for an answer. Eddie said, "better safe than sorry." And he and Christian told Buck to make sure that I kept it on. 🙄🙄 Buck, of course, said he would, and yeah, I had to sleep with it on but I took the damn thing off when I got up to go to the bathroom like around 7 AM and Buck let me do it since I was feeling better.