So, surprisingly, when I assumed that this fucking little asshole COVID virus would take my life in a matter of hours, I'm still here. I haven't gone to get tested and I don't fucking intend to unless it's a cheek swab or saliva test but I know I have it. I have a mild case of it from what we can gather. Part of me is a little disappointed but another part of me is glad that I might actually be able to finish my novel and write the next. And definitely fucking glad I don't have to go to that mortuary they call a hospital and be near those heartless gold digging asshole doctors and whore nurses who claim every death in their hospital now was due to COVID and not something else. No offense to my medical team. I will never set foot in another hospital again as long as I live. Even if they ARE empty. I intend to die here at home surrounded by my spirits and my entities and my guys WITH DIGNITY! I'm still depressed AF though that my sense of taste has barely improved and worse yet, my sense of smell is still gone. Last week, I was basically sobbing in the shower because I couldn't smell that clean, fresh and soapy scent anymore, the one that comes with showering or after getting out of the shower and I miss it soo bad. And I couldn't smell the soap, shampoo, or anything and I was just so emotional that Christian kept trying to comfort and reassure me that I would get it back. I talked to Kat and begged her to reach out to any of her psychic or spirit friends and ask them if I will actually get my senses back and when, and they told her ( via the Ouija board -- honestly, I don't like relying on that. It's evil ) that there's going to be 4 weeks of bullshit but then everything will be fine come the end of January, or near the end of January. I really fucking hope that they're right. She says they're always right but I still have my doubts. As always. No point in living without my taste or smell. I think I said that already though.
So what symptoms do I have besides that? A pounding headache that goes from one side to the other, sometimes my forehead too. It's mostly been constant unless I take something for it. I have a dry, sometimes congested cough, I used to have nasal congestion but not anymore, which doesn't make any sense to me and makes me want to start crying all over again because I still can't smell and I'm worried that maybe it's because there's some brain damage or something that's too late to fix. I don't know what to do and it's just really made me suicidal and depressed ten times more. I can't keep going on like this. I won't. And then there are the constant muscle aches I get when I'm on my feet moving around, my body just can't function anymore without wearing me out. And it wasn't until yesterday that Christian started noticing I was getting a fever. Now he and the guys have been checking it on and off a few times a day. At first, it wasn't so bad, it was 98.8 when Christian first checked it. I told him that it was still normal, but he insisted that that was a low-grade fever. Then, after I got on my computer to post my next novel chapter, even though he didn't want me to, he checked it again when I was nearly done and my fever had spiked to 99.1. I'm okay right now. I say that when he hasn't checked it since earlier tonight and then it was a little lower than it should've been. My body temperature is never 95.5 but that's what it came up as and then Christian started getting all worried and insisting I put some warmer clothes on and keep myself wrapped up in my robe. Earlier today I was in hell because I sweating my fucking ass off and I wasn't even moving around. I literally couldn't stop and Damon was like: "Uh-oh. She's diaphoretic." And Christian was all: "Yes, I see that." He checked my temperature several times but it was normal, so he and Kat think it was just my body's way of trying to fight the infection. It's times like that that I really wish Damon COULD put me an IV. I always feel better when they do that at the ER for me, it really helps cool my body down if I'm sweating but here I just have water so, of course, they've been telling me to drink, drink, drink that. I was sweating so much I had to change out of my winter PJs and put on my spaghetti strap summer nightie so I could cool off. And I'm hoping my nurses helped me cool off too with cool compresses and wet towels. Christian also has been checking up on my heart and lungs every now and then too. Mostly the latter, listening to my lungs when I start coughing. I swear, I will fuck up that little COVID asshole virus if I find out my heart muscle or lung tissue was damaged if and when I finally shake this. It better not be trying to fucking eat them because I swear, I don't know if it's just me but sometimes, I can hear this crackling noise in my nostrils or throat when I breathe, either when the room is quiet or when I have my earbuds in. It worries me so much! Christian keeps telling me that I sound fine, but I have a feeling he might just be trying not to cause me any undue stress because one night, I swear, I saw that deeply worried look on his face that he often gets when he hears something abnormal and I think I overheard him say the word "wheezing" to Hyde. *sigh* Christian always insists that I have too much stress in my life and it's not good for my heart. Yeah, I know. I been taking that 800 mg ibuprofen (that my endodontist gave me for toothache) for my pounding head, but I think I have like one more and then I'm out. I might need to get some extra strength stuff or something. And Christian refuses to let me up out of bed unless I need to use the bathroom or get something to eat. He won't even let me go out shopping or anything. Rude! I know he cares and he's just trying to take care of me, but still. . .ah-ah, not cool. When he sees me up out of bed, he's like: "Sweetheart, what are you doing? You need to get back in bed" or "I need you to get back in bed." He and Dom have been the ones mainly taking care of me. They've been walking around with their stethoscopes over their shoulders, sometimes even masking up for me ( even if they don't need to ) because I find them sexy and it makes me smile seeing them like that. Christian also checks my oxygen with the pulse ox every now and then too. It's been normal though. Thankfully.
Not like I have much reason to go out anyway. I got my $600 BUT. . .I did something I kind of shouldn't have with part of it. No, this isn't a COLIN "FUCKING" EGGLESFIELD thing! I pretty much kicked his ass officially to the curb, especially after he ignored my email about my mom and I having COVID and my worry that I might not get to talk to him again if. . .well, you know. . .happened. No response at all. He's such a schmuck! A heartless, self-absorbed schmuck! He can rot in hell for all I care. Remember when I told you guys that Daddy was back on Cameo for two weeks? "Daddy" as in Daniel Gillies? Well, just out of curiosity, I checked a day ago and HE'S STILL THERE!! STILL AVAILABLE FOR CAMEOS!!
Oh my God, you have no idea how happy and relieved I was to see that after desperately wanting a fourth video from him and waiting for months for another chance. Honestly, I shouldn't have touched that money until I found me a new mattress or I was ready to change my name legally, but if Daddy is available, you can bet your ass that I'm paying the $250 for another 4-6 min video from him and hearing him say my name and call me "sweetheart" and "honey" and tell me he loves me and just. . .!!! Seeing him in all his gorgeous sexiness and wanting to lick his face through the screen. And okay, you get the point. So what did I do? Yes, I requested another Cameo from him and being that I'm sick, I told him I have a mild case of COVID, that I'm miserable because I can't smell or taste and my head is pounding and asked him if he could offer me some comfort and reassurance by bringing Elijah back for the video. And by that, I meant I want him to use his Elijah voice ( which I also call his "sex"/Christian voice ). I tried to get him to do it in one of the other videos before, but of course, hypocrite that he is, he said he doesn't like to do "tricks." Remember that? Yeah. At least he knows he's a hypocrite and admitted to being one at the time. I mean, to tell people on Instagram that he'll do stuff for them and then come out with that bullshit. . .just ugh! It's one of the reasons why I hate him. It really is just about his perfect face and body for me, but can you blame me? I honestly think that he might actually be nice enough to do it for me this time, especially knowing I'm sick with COVID. He was such a sweetie in my other videos when he insisted that he hoped I was doing well and hoping I was doing better than most. I can just imagine how sweet he would be this time. I mean just die on the spot. Lol! I told him nothing would make me happier than for him to do that, offer me that comfort and reassurance like Elijah. But you know the thing that pisses me off? Get this, THE FUCKING CAMEO ASSHOLES CHARGE A SERVICE FEE FOR EVERY REQUEST NOW!!
Yeah, like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?! It pisses me off so fucking much. LIKE WHEN THE FUCK DID THEY START DOING THIS? It's bullshit! It's not right! I mean, fuck, people barely have money as it is these days with the 2nd coming of The Great Depression and they want to milk us for all we're worth? Fucking golddiggers! This is why this world is going to hell in a handbasket. Because of greedy money-grubbing assholes like them. Oh and did you know that Joseph Morgan is charging another $100 for a Cameo from him now? Not $350, no. Fucking $450! Like what the fuck is his deal? Is that really his only source of income now like fucking Colin with his Zoom/coaching bullshit? Unacceptable! So I guess I'll never be able to get one from him. Thanks a lot, fucking JoMo!
So, not only did I have to pay $250 for Daddy's cameo, but I ALSO had to pay $12.00, bringing the amount to fucking $262. Yeah, fucking assholes! I had to seriously contemplate where or not he was worth all this before pressing the order button, but being that I've waited this long and that it's my money and I choose how to spend it, and the possibility of getting a really sweet and caring video from him, I did it. I almost actually went back to cancel it because all I keep thinking about is my mattress and having to wait longer for it and getting a better night's sleep. All I can do is hope and pray that that unemployment money with the boost comes next week so that my mom and I can go out and look for the mattress and I can finally sleep well. Someone who's sick and stuck in bed needs a good bed to recover and this shit ain't cutting it anymore. My mattress is over like 15 years old and the pillow topper didn't do much to make it better. I digress. So I'm still waiting for Daddy to do my "pep talk" video. I know he usually responds in 3 days, but I hope he doesn't let this one drag out and worry me that he might not fulfill it. I mean, he would be really heartless not to but yeah, just saying. Hey, guess who else has a Cameo now? Lyndsy Fonseca! AKA, the awesome actress who I cast as Courtney in my fiction. I really want one from her too and I'm considering it but I don't think there's enough space to tell her all I want to. I can try. She's only $50 but yeah, it would probably be more like fucking $62 now. Assholes! There's a special place in hell for them. I was considering having her give a shoutout to my readers but probably not. I just want her to know she's the BFF of my Phoebe Tonkin and her big bro is played by Zak Bagans. Lol! Here's hoping she's a Ghost Adventures fan. Does it make me a bad person if I want to use the fact that I have COVID to get "get well" wishes from my favorite celebrities? Does it? God, I wish Dylan Bruce, Henry Cavill, Matt Bomer, or Ian Somerhalder were on Cameo. I could have some real fun with those guys! ;)
Speaking of guys, I think one of my Concuans, Evan, snuggled up to me this morning when I was in bed. I'm pretty sure it was him because I felt this incredible and cozy warmth at my back and against the nape of my neck. It was really nice. Bout time I get something, shoot.
And I really hate to cut this short but fucking COVID is starting to fuck with me and strike back again. My muscles are aching like hell right now, my head is starting to hurt and my tooth is also hurting for some reason ( shit! I think my filling came out! It feels like it ) so I think I'm just going to do as Daddy says and get ready for bed and let him keep me there. I know he'll probably want to take my temperature again. God, I'm so sick of feeling this way but when I get that video from my Daddy. . .it'll be the best medicine ever! I'll be like: "I'm cured! It's a miracle!" Lol. Yeah right. It's just what I need to feel better right now. I don't know that I would've still requested another Cameo from him if I weren't sick, but I'm hoping he doesn't remember me as the same Amy that requested three others from him before and he told to stop booking him. Well, I'm sorry Daddy but right now I really need some love from you! It's life or death. Sort of. Sure feels that way considering how my body is treating me right now and yeah, I'm gonna go now.
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