I now know without a doubt ( well maybe like 2% doubt ) that I'm going to get what I want, what I've been praying for, manifesting, scripting and meditating on. I just have to wait for it to get here, like its been stated many times, that its a package from Amazon. I must trust my intuition and all the signs that I've been getting that tell me its coming. I'm going to be so excited to tell you guys when I finally get confirmation and some of you will probably be shitting yourself waiting to hear the whole story. From start to finish. "I will bring you similies." I'll paint a whole picture for you too, like its a story I've written. I got a really awesome and obvious sign from the universe yesterday when I was on my way home from the post office with my mom and we were in the car listening to the radio.
I had to ship back this stethoscope because the fuck sent me the wrong one and had it listed as the one I actually wanted. So stupid! But then it was also mostly my fault because I didn't look at the description picture well enough and see it was the Classic Littmann III model that I already have. Same color and everything. Still waiting for my fucking refund. I need that $130 dammit! I swear, these fucks do not care. I asked them if they could refund me before I even sent it out and they sounded like they would but now, even after all the messages I've sent about it being on its way...nothing. I might have to ask fucking Ebay to step in and refund me if I don't see it within two days after it gets to the damn person. Whatever. I know I'm going to get more money after the 19th but still. . .it pisses me off. I just want that fucking money back now so I can put it to good use.
I've been PMSing. Stupid fucking period pain! :( I canceled my physical therapy appointment again today cause I was totally going to be a bitch and in pain and just I really didn't want to be there. Safer if I stayed away. I would've straight up punched Josh in his stupid fucking face had I gone. No joke. And really, I don't feel like exercising when I'm in pain. Even if it's just my feet. Better if I'm lying down. Christian was initially pissed but after a little while, he understood and said he didn't want me to be in pain so it was okay with him, especially after how I was suffering last week there. So I've been curled up in a fetal position and resting most of the day with cramps. Damon heard I'm on my period and is all like: "Oh, so you're gonna be extra bitchy today." Pffft! As usual, Christian has been a doting Daddy, tucking me in bed, insisting I stay warm and covered and continue resting up. Sweetie that he is. I really was planning on showering tonight, you know, before my therapist appointment tomorrow but it's so challenging to shower when you're bleeding. The hot water would probably help my cramps though. God, I really need to buy a heating pad. I'll do it after I get home from the appointment tomorrow. I would do it before but I don't want to wake up extra early and go out with wet hair. Plus, I would be extra sleepy. No fun.
Last night, Christian, Damon and I were all talking about (well I was the one who brought it up) whether it was better to auscultate directly on skin or over the clothes after I asked Christian why he always has to put his stethoscope right on my skin. He says that's the proper way to auscultate and that he's been doing it that way for years so he doesn't see why I have a problem with it. He's right. He does do it that way. Some people go under the shirt but he always slips it under the collar of my shirt or gown. Or if I'm wearing a pajama top with buttons, he'll tell me to undo the first one or two buttons then puts his stethoscope directly on my chest. Fuck. It makes me so fucking horny and achy and throbby in my lady parts when he has me do that or just steths me in general. And then when he adds a "just relax for me, sweetheart". . .I can't help but get so fucking turned on. If I'm in a gown or shirt, then he'll listen to all the other valves by slipping his hand further under. For the mitral valve though, he usually slips his hand under my gown or shirt so he can get a good listen without the challenge of trying to do it through my collar. He has all the room he wants to listen when I have a button-down shirt. *blushes* Damon prefers putting his stethoscope on bare skin, of course. He's like: "Bare skin is the only way to do it." He'll usually go under the collar too. Sometimes he'll go underneath or ask me to lift my shirt to my chin but its usually the collar, until he gets to the lower valves like the tricuspid and mitral, then he'll definitely go under the gown or shirt and keep listening. As far as listening to my lungs, Christian always slides his arm under the back of my gown or shirt so he can place his stethoscope on my bare skin. Damon switches off, sometimes going under the back of my gown or shirt or doing it through the fabric. Like I know he'll almost always listen under my shirt or gown if I'm lying down, but if I'm sitting up, he'll just do it over the clothes. God, it's so erotic and intimate that Christian always prefers listening on my bare skin, no matter what, but that's because he likes to be so thorough and make sure he's hearing/catching everything. Hyde always prefers the skin. As for Dom. . .hmmm. I don't think he's ever listened to my heart or lungs. I think he did last night though when Christian asked him for a second opinion. How did he do it? I think he just went under the collar too, but my gown was pretty low anyway so I'm not surprised he did it that way.
What else? Christian has been up my ass with a fucking broom about taking my heart medication and procrastinating in doing it but I can't help that. And I've had the occasional palpitations too, which worry him like crazy. And yes, I bought that heart rate monitor for him. Why I did, who fucking knows. Well, okay, I'll admit, I might actually like wearing it and him being able to see my heartbeat anytime he wants no matter where we are, even while I sleep and him reviewing the recordings to see if he finds any abnormal beats in it. Jesus. Still, it'll annoy me that I can't keep anything from him. Like if he's staring at his phone with the app or mine and I suddenly feel like a palpitation or something weird with my heart. And he just demanded that I tell him about what happened with my heart this morning. See, Dom was lying in bed next to me because I decided to let them take turns again and I was listening to my heart with the stethoscope and I don't know if it was the way I was laying or the fact that I was nervous that the stethoscope was against my bare chest but I swear, I heard and felt my heart stop for like one or two seconds. It terrified me for those one or two seconds but I didn't like pass out or anything temporarily. It just stopped for that one second or two and then started beating again. So weird and it wasn't like I was doing anything strenuous at the time, which scares me even more. And Christian is pretty much ten times more scared than I am about it now that I've told him. It took me forever just to fess up to what happened and he was like: "Tell me. Now." So yeah, I just came out with it. It's funny, I said he's up my ass with a fucking broom, and you know what he said in return? "I'm going to be up your ass with my belt if you don't tell me." Ohhhh snap! Lol. I was like: "Touche, Sir. Touche." Now Hyde is paranoid about it too and he's all asking Christian: "Will you start checking her heart day and night?" He already does and he told him that. It's what I call his "heart maintenance" on me and he reassured Hyde that he would stay on top of it. Hyde trusts that I'm in good hands, in the best hands as far as cardiologists go. Sigh. I don't like being so closely monitored by him. It makes me nervous. And okay, maybe aroused too but more nervous. I always procrastinate in letting him do his daily listening to my heart because I get nervous about his stethoscope touching my skin. Damn it! Now he knows. He's like: "You know I'm seeing everything you write."
He's like: "Sweetheart, there's nothing to be nervous about. I just want to make sure that heart is behaving itself the only way I know how. This is necessary." Fuuuck. Damn it. Why does he arouse me like this? Damn it. I just can't help it. When I know someone is listening to me, it gets my anxiety flowing, especially in the doctor's office. To be honest, I get nervous anytime a stethoscope touches me, or even a blood pressure cuff. And speaking of which, I've started to feel my spirits more and more, one of the things being my medical spirits checking my blood pressure because out of nowhere, I just start feeling this upper arm pain. I think I mentioned it before. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did but I still feel it and damn it, it makes me have to stop and let them do their check. And I've been feeling touches a lot more now all over my body. Like my legs and my back and my arms. I get the feeling its from my medical team and not my Concuans. Anyway, Christian is mad at me now and wants me to turn off the computer since it's "bedtime." Grrrr! And of course, he needs to have another listen to my heart. Might as well just give in and let him do it. He's not going to let me get out of it. It's part of our bedtime routine now. I shut down the computer, go brush my teeth and pee then get into bed. He then takes a listen to my heart and then I meditate for 45 minutes and finally go to sleep. So night guys!
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