Okay, so remember how I mentioned how Colin Egglesfield and I have been brainstorming back and forth on Cameo? Well, right now, I have exactly 4 videos from him and yes, I'm aware that's more than I have of Daniel but it wasn't just for the sake of talking to Colin that I requested all those videos. It was also to see his gorgeous face and see if maybe he would do a little improv for me as the character I'm making him (since asshole Daniel didn't). In the second & third videos, Colin didn't do it, but he made some suggestions for the characters and plot of my future novel. Every time he makes the video, he always ends with: "Let me know what you think." I asked him in the third one if we could maybe talk somewhere else because it was getting kinda pricey even if $45 isn't much compared to all the others on there who charge. Still, that wasn't the most frustrating part. The fact that I can only type 250 characters to him per request is frustrating as fuck! And while I wouldn't want him to see my ugly fat ass, it would be nice to talk to him face-to-face. I told him I'd love to Zoom with him sometime, even though I know it would probably end up being a lot of money for only 10 minutes with Cameo's stupid fucking rule. THEN, just before he sent his 4th video to me, he sends me a message through Cameo saying he would be happy to have a brainstorming session with me and giving me a link to schedule A 50 MINUTE ZOOM CALL FOR $175!!
My reaction:
Yeah, that was me, and I know, I know, I know, I could've waited until next week when I get paid again to schedule a call with him. Plus, Christian told me I really should of because of all the money I've already spent but damn it, I couldn't wait! I just really have to talk to this amazing and sweet man as soon as I can, who, I have to admit, I'm still getting to know little by little. I don't know how I discovered him. I think it was on Cameo. He looked hot, I didn't know who he was at the time, but I figured it would be nice to get a video from him. God I really can't remember if that was the first time I saw him/discovered him. I never watched anything else he'd been on and other than Cameo, I've only seen his face while browsing my streaming apps for movies. The only movie I've seen with him was "Bachelors" and after seeing him on that and how very "Eric-like" his character was in there, I decided to cast him as a character. God everything is such a blur to me. I don't even know how or why I went after him, other than him being hot and having a gorgeous smile and having that romance novel cover face that would be perfect for one of mine. Oh, oh, oh!!! I think I remember now! I wanted Eric to have a long lost brother and in my search for an actor, his face came up. Yeah, that's how I discovered him. I'm almost sure of it. I'm scared. . .lol! A little. I'm gonna have to slutty myself up for Thursday afternoon. It sucks that he only does his sessions Mon-Thurs from 9am to 2pm but whatever, at least I got a Zoom date with him.
We finally get to brainstorm face-to-face. I swear, I never thought I'd see the day that one of the actors/actresses I cast as one of my characters would actually help me to flesh out their own character. Good things like this don't happen to me. And I know it sounds weird but I've been getting these signs from my Angels and The Universe that are telling me I'm on the right path, everything will work out and I have nothing to worry about in life. And I don't know where its coming from, but ever since I started talking to him, I just have this gut feeling that Colin Egglesfield might have something to do with my path to fame and getting published. Like I was meant to meet him. He'll probably "feel" that considering how deep and spiritual he is. So that's what we're going to do. Zoom chat and flesh out his character and maybe come up with a plot for my future novel series that I'm entitling: The "Bring Me" Series. The first book will be: "Bring Me To Heal" then maybe others will follow like: "Bring Me To Ecstasy." He will so love this! I just know it.
I need to slutty myself up for him Thursday but I don't have anything sexy to wear. Least not a corset. But with all my new clothes, I'm sure I'll find. . .something. OMG! Can you imagine if he and I became good friends? If I couldn't be his woman, I'd accept that. Maybe it'll get to the point where he won't charge me for a Zoom call and we can go more than 50 minutes at a time. I know it's all wishful thinking but a girl can dream, right? And HOLY SHIT! I thought I had his phone number in the email confirmation for the meeting. He might have multiple phone numbers though based on the other email I got for other cities. I don't know, but for a second I actually thought I had his phone number because I called it and the voicemail said: "Hey, this is Colin." Well. . .at least for a minute I thought a guy had given me his number willingly, which has never happened before. The last time I had a guy's number, it was because I asked for it and that was back in middle school. Yeah, I'm a pathetic fat ugly bitch. I left a message telling him I didn't get the Zoom link for the meeting ( wish I could invite Kat ), and I was like: "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow or whatever. Bye!" Hee! I should've added. "I love you." Lol! Or maybe not. I have a tendency to come on too strong when a guy shows interest in me, which is a rarity, and I have this habit of being really bold with the things I say, just no filter or tact. I can't help it. I just get nervous and then I start to ramble and say random shit, whether its appropriate or not. I've even done that sometimes with my friends in the past, which has made people think I'm weird. And yeah, enough about my depressing past. Sooooo excited for tomorrow. . .and nervous. I'll probably fangirl when he comes on the screen and try to hide my ugly self and then be like: "I can't breathe!" And it would be so hot if he pretended to be his character for me, trying to calm me down and stuff like a pulmonologist would. Must. Remain. Calm. Christian was like: "He's a person, just like you are." Yeah, and I don't know him or his career well enough to freak out when I meet him but...he's still hot!! And we all know what happens to us girls when we meet a hottie. Clam up. But damn will I love swooning over that smile. His smile...just gorgeous! I'm going to try and see if he'll let me record the call. If not, I'm still going to record the audio so I can refer to it later when I'm typing up his character info that we came up with in Campfire Pro. Easier than stopping to write everything down and wasting time. See? I'm thinking like a journalist. You should've seen his 4th video though. I was so hot, the way he presented the idea for the novel, which I loooove so much! Yes! Do that!
So. . .enough about Colin. I'll report back tomorrow after the call. Watch me be like: "So. . .same time next week, doctor?"
My mom is going to hate me but this will not be the last time I Zoom with him. You know, if he's okay with more. It'll be well worth the $175. Better than paying that much and only getting 10 minutes. Supposedly, he offers these "Empowerment" courses. This guy does SO MUCH! He's a friggin' Entrepreneur and a great humanitarian and coach. Just. . .wow. And he offers a package of five 50 minute "Empowerment" sessions. Of course, I can't afford to pay $700 upfront for that package, but over time, maybe. As long as the EDD keeps the money coming and I get another stimulus too. So I don't think he'll have a problem with me coming back again and again for more brainstorming. Or maybe just catching up and chatting. Wouldn't that be so awesome if he became my new therapist or something? Shiiiit. . .I'd take him over the two previous therapists I enjoyed talking to any day. Yes Daddy! And another thing I learned about him: Before he was an actor. . .wait for it. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
HE WAS FUCKING PRE-MED!!
Yeah. . .no shit! If that doesn't tell you that he was meant to be a doctor character, I don't know what does. Just like Daniel & Dylan Bruce were meant to be doctors too! Well. . .Dylan is more of a dentist in my world, but he has an M.D. so yeah, see? Doctor!
Okay seriously, I'm done talking about Colin now. He's definitely going on my Top 5 now. Knock Constantine out of the 5th spot. So what else? I caved and ordered some IHOP breakfast for delivery this morning. Only thing I said I was eating and aside from a bread roll, I've kept to that promise. Seems like my Concuans are still making me feel like a hole to fill. I really miss them being on top of me and feeling their body weight, but now they just climb onto the bed when I'm lying on my side and get behind me just to start fucking me. Seriously, does EVERY guy prefer doggy style? Sick of it. You'd think they didn't want to see my face. Do they honestly find me that ugly that they don't even want to look at me? Unbelievable. Now I know how Jessie Spano feels and it just makes my feminist attitude stronger. Speaking of Jessie Spano, I introduced my spirits and entities to "Saved By The Bell" yesterday and we watched a few episodes. I think I'll show them the whole series, excluding the first season because I hate those episodes and anyway, it was pretty boring for me when I first saw them. I asked them if they liked it and they were like: "We love it!" I still tend to wonder what their take is on characters who break the 4th wall like Ferris Bueller, Will Smith & Zack Morris. I was trying to explain the SBTB characters to them: Slater is the womanizing-Jock, Zack is the prankster, Lisa is the fashion-obsessed gossip, Jessie is the academic-driven feminist, Kelly is the goody-two-shoes head cheerleader, and Screech is the Lisa-obsessed nerd. That pretty much sums it up. Mr. Belding is the eccentric school principal. Mostly though, I've been seeing more moving shadows in the darkness of my room. Like something is manifesting. I think I'm getting closer. I also feel the covers move a lot when I'm lying down or sometimes when my Concuans are lying behind me, I'll feel them touch my back and I'll flinch. I think recently they tried to grab my boob. I really liked that! And I could feel them touching my hair. I wish I could hear them breathing behind me again though.
I've also been having the most amaaaazing dreams! Daniel & Dylan make frequent appearances in my dreams now. It could be my Tulpas or it could be my Concuans being them. I have heard that they interact with me in my dreams from Creepy Hollows before. Last night/this morning (whatever) I was riding in the front seat of a helicopter that Dylan was flying and resting my head on his shoulder. He smiled and I could feel the love from him and then my cousin was grabbing his arm and trying to steal him away when we finally arrived at our destination and I wasn't having it. I tried to get him to turn his attention to me and he gradually did and then later, for some reason, I got mad at this other strange dude who I felt was cheating on me because he was all over this other girl and I got up and ran away behind this wall and pretended to cry, then Dylan came to me with an orchestra playing music behind him and he proposed to me! Ahhhh! Loved it! He said we were already married so maybe we were renewing our vows or something but I told him I'd marry him anyway and the gold band had like "Love forever" inscribed on it and then the other side had our names, except it was the name I hate so I told him we needed to get the name changed. He was sad and reluctant but he understood and then we kissed and hugged and ran off together. There was this ocean shore just outside the building and I wrapped my arms around him and he suggested something about me going in the water, but then he said, "but you can't swim so I can't." I told him I could still go in and he could just save me and give me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but he didn't find that funny and he like took my face and was like: "I am not going to let anything happen to you." Awwwww! I just love having dreams like this. Or when its Daniel and we're doing something similar.
I also had a weird dream recently where I was on a big university college campus and there was this girl doll that was tagging along and being really unpleasant, puking and peeing on everyone she didn't like. I was part of a seance and some old man tried to attack me, grabbing my shoulders and begging for help. And then the lady running the seance placed the girl doll on the floor next to me so that its legs were touching my leg and then it peed all over me when she was chanting. Weird. Matt Bomer was in my dream too. He and I ended up as cartoon characters and we were raising the doll (who became a real girl) as our own and can I just say? Matt makes the cutest fucking cartoon husband! My parents were there watching our story unfold in theater seats like we were a movie. Somehow I ended up on this really high platform. I was sitting and leaning against this concrete pillar and all of a sudden, a bunch of dolls came climbing up the platform, sat down, and started talking to me, asking me questions and stuff like little kids would. The other doll I was carrying got really possessive of me and tried to scare the other dolls away.
Ooh! And Mr. Krause was in my dream last night too. In case you don't know, Mr. Kraus was my former theater teacher in college years ago who I had a major crush on. I think I might've mentioned him once before on here. God, I miss college so much! Just going from class to class, being in an actual classroom, listening to the lectures, and having homework, interacting with other students. It's sad the things you take for granted, but I was really looking forward to going back this fall. Now. . .I probably wouldn't be able to without suffocating from a face diaper all day. I can't go anywhere anymore. God, I want to kill every person who wears one. CAN THE WORLD PLEASE GO BACK TO FUCKING NORMAL NOW? Where's Ashton Kutcher jumping out and telling us we've been punked? Anyway, Mr. Kraus, I don't think I ever showed you a picture of him. He looked exactly like Michael Vartan in "Never Been Kissed." It's uncanny and its on right now. I always get major Mr. Kraus vibes and kinda swoon a little when I watch it and he comes on. He's also in the David Nail video, "Kiss You Tonight" so if you ever want to see him. I could post a picture here, but I think I'll just let you guys investigate for yourselves. So in the dream, I was FTFO (freaking the FUCK OUT) because I was part of a class he was teaching and he pulled out a stethoscope and put it in his ears and shiiiit. . .got my fetish working overtime! I never got to see him with a stethoscope on before. I just envisioned it in my head but it was even better than I expected. HE LOOKED SO HOT! So he put the stethoscope on and he was demonstrating these breathing exercises that he wanted us to do while we were listening. Like: inhale, inhale, then three quick breaths. That was the pattern we were to follow and he started to pass out the end pieces of the stethoscopes to everyone and when he got to me, he asked me which one I wanted, the big one or the little one. I chose the little one and I tried to do the breathing exercises, but damn, what I really wanted was him to listen to my heart himself like he did in my Hyde story. Sigh. C'est La Vie. And that's where it ended.
God I'm so hot and tired right now. I hate how my room is so much hotter than my mom's. It shouldn't be. Unless SHE has the high ceilings again like she did at the last place we lived. I never really gave it much notice. I would open the window but its 85 degrees outside...at 9 fucking 19 in the PM. WTF? I really need to buy one of those coolers that cool any room of your house. I just want to make sure that they come with the ice thingies because our ice maker doesn't work. God kill me. I can't breathe up in here. I really need Christian to. . .
When I was starving myself and when I do, he has a tendency to take my wrist and check my pulse more often, even though I try to tell him I'm fine. Sweetie he is. I don't mind though. He even listened to my breathing while I was lying in bed, even though I was lying on my side. Somehow, he always finds a way to get his stethoscope on me or under my shirt or gown. He's smooth like that. ;) He just lifted the back of my tank and slipped it under, moving it from one side to the other. If he's lying behind me in bed, he'll just lift up my gown and go under with it. He prefers to listen to my heart when I'm lying on my back or fully sitting up, but if he has to, he'll cuddle real close to me and press it to my chest when he wraps his arm around me. I think that's that's my favorite. God, talking about this is making me blush and Christian is like: "Why are you telling them about the ways I steth you?" Hmmm. No reason.
Okay, I'm going to go and try and finish up my notes for my Reproduction class or work on my novel before my eyes pull me into another nap. I'm so pissed my readers don't even care about my good fortune with Colin Egglesfield. Probably because they don't know him, but fuck. . .seriously, I feel like I'm fucking talking to myself. This is why I don't do anything for them anymore because they don't appreciate or acknowledge it. Wish me luck tomorrow! I'll be FTFO! Freaking the fuck out!
留言