So I have quite a few things to update about. Random shit/topics, whatever you want to call it.
First, let's start with the thing that Christian & Dom are pissed at me about. . .
My upcoming dental surgery: Christian & Dom are mostly pissed because I don't want to have my wisdom tooth extraction surgery this coming Monday morning, but if you only knew how terrified I am. I mean, fuck, I don't give a fuck about dying because that would be a blessing, but just waking up and my mouth being all full of blood and gauze and me all numbed up and high as a kite out-of-it and everything. I just can't and don't want to go through that again. The last time I had a tooth pulled out that I was put under for was like somewhere around 2005-2007. Yeah, a long time ago, a shitload of a long time, and at that time, I had a really nice oral surgeon. I hadn't met him before, just like I won't be meeting this one, but still, he was really personable and really nice and talked to me like I was a scared little kid because that's how I was. Oh, and best of all, he had the same exact name as Dorian Gregory's character in "Charmed," Darryl Morris and he was black too. This time, it's a fucking kai pham. You don't want to know why I call them "kai pham"s. It's an inside joke. You wouldn't get it anyway, but yeah, I just can't. Christian was like: "You've been through this before, and you came out of it just fine." Yeah, yeah, but still. . .the rest of it. All that other stuff that goes along with it. Not that I wouldn't like to be hooked up to all those monitors (playing on my biggest fetish, I think I mentioned that before), but you know. . .fuck. I'm getting aroused down there just thinking about it and having Christian and Dom in the room keeping close watch of my vital signs, along with everyone else and my medical team. My heart will of course be pounding just like it was when I had my gall bladder surgery. I mentioned that before too. How Christian was there with me, pushing me on the gurney to post-op and trying to reassure me and get me to relax the whole way there because he heard how fast my heart was beating on the monitor, looking all sexy in his scrubs, cap and his mask hanging down around his neck. Mmmmm! Damn I loved that! He said that he would dress up the same way for me for this, and Dom would too (but with his lab coat and mask), but. . .yeah, I can't. I'm too damn scared. I was in the wonderland a night ago and I went up to Dom's office and I told him that I decided I wasn't going to do it and he made me bend over his desk and started spanking me. Sigh. Wish I could've felt that. If only. So yeah, Christian and Dom are pissed at me. Dom is like, "you'll be asleep. You won't feel a thing. It'll be over with before you know it." He still thinks its going to help if I close my eyes and pretend he's the one taking it out. I could, but. . .I really don't think that's going to work. Not if the dick surgeon starts talking. And of course, after all the fucking times I've emailed his sorry ass looking for comfort and reassurance and support BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A LIFE COACH IS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE, Colin "fucking asshole" Egglesfield has fallen off the face of the fucking earth. I can't believe this is how he treats people. I swear I hate him so much, I want him to just die. I want him to get COVID ( if its even a thing ) and feel the pain that I feel when he treats me this way. And he expects me to waste another $175 on him this coming week after its been over 3 weeks since we've talked? No fucking way! He doesn't get to win this time. I would SOOO love to Gone Girl him if such a thing were possible. I'd be like: "Come onnn, show me that darling Colin smile. . .You. Asshole." I'm so done with his sorry ass, SO DONE!! Just the thought of his face makes me want to fucking punch it!
So yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do about the surgery. I wonder when my authorization for the surgery and the general anesthesia expires. Maybe I'll just drag it out longer like I'm doing my root canal. I honestly wish I could be put to sleep for the root canal, considering how much I know that I will gag because of the fucker not having flavored gloves like my last dentist did. God do I miss Dr. Jung. He was just the best dentist ever! So nice and so good at what he did. He's not dead -- not yet anyway, but since I don't have a job that comes with benefits anymore, I can't see him. Only my mom can. She's lucky. As stupid as it sounds and I know they'll probably insist that they don't do that there, I'm still going to ask if the place doing my root canal could possibly put me to sleep. If they can do that there, and if they DO do that there, then I can just tell them to tell my insurance that I gag easily and gag so much that it will make it hard for them to do the root canal without general anesthesia. I mean, that's reason enough for me to be put out, right? Plus, as long as it will take, I'd rather be sleeping. I was going to cancel my root canal too, but Dom is scaring me by telling me what will happen if I don't get it done, how the infection will spread beyond my gums and could be life-threatening if it reaches my heart. I don't care if I die, like I said, but Christian won't hear of it. Okay. . .I just googled it and it says they don't put you to sleep for that because it would put your body through more distress but they do provide nitrous oxide. Sweet baby Jesus! The thought of being on nitrous oxide makes me horny, because of all the times I've had my character get smothered with a mask that has it coming out of it, by Damon and Hyde. I'll definitely have to call that office up next week and ask if that's possible or if they have any other solution. Whatever works, because I need to get this root canal done but I need to make sure that I won't gag constantly. Even last time I was there, I tried this technique that's supposed to keep you from gagging, but it didn't work like it usually does. Yep, definitely going to have to beg them for something. If I have to resort to begging, I will. Their website statement does say that they will do everything possible to make your visit as pleasant as possible. I'll have to remind them of that if they start to argue my suggestion.
Formally my dad: So besides being terrified for the surgery that I may or may not get done and hating Colin's fucking guts so much that I want to junk punch him and face punch him, I've sort of cut ties with my "dad" in AZ. It's kind of a long story but he called me one time last week and when I mentioned that my mom was home, he insisted that I let him talk to her, and since she had just arrived home, I knew she was feeding the dogs and she would probably get mad if I handed her the phone, probably insisting that she was busy and I tried to explain this to him, but he wouldn't hear of it and then he started to threaten me and said if I didn't do as he tells me to, then he was going to hang up on me and who knows when I would get to talk to him again. And it just sort of brought me back to my childhood when he used to threaten me and my mom and after I gave my mom my cell to talk to him, I went back to my room and just got really emotional. I started crying and decided that I didn't want to talk to or have anything to do with him anymore, and after some comforting from Christian, he told me that he doesn't want me talking to him (my "dad") anymore and that that was the very last time. I agreed and promised him I wouldn't anymore. My mom tried to give the phone back to me when she was done and I just briefly told him that I didn't want to do this with him anymore and he repeated the same thing he said before about, "fine, who knows if I'll ever get to talk to him again." And that was that. He hung up on me and I haven't talked to or heard from him since. I even went as far as to email Colin while I was crying and asking him for help and advice, which was pretty shitty from him because he didn't even give me a straight answer or advice that pertained to the actual situation. It just goes to show me that he is a really, really, shitty life coach. Repetitive as fuck. Seriously, what the fuck was I paying him for anyway? Just to look at him? Sing for him? Act with him (when he's not even that good of an actor)? Just ugh! Wish I could shake off this desperation to sing for him again and talk to him like I actually have a friend or therapist to Zoom with. Must. Fight. That. Urge. If I've gone this long without talking to him face-to-face, I should be able to survive until we get another stimulus. If we ever do again.
My Concuans: So I've been getting back to meditating again because frankly, I'm so damn sick and tired of not getting any activity from my spirits or my entities. Not like they give me much anyway, but without feeling my Concuans touching me, it just makes me feel even uglier than I already am and makes me want to kill myself even more. I already hate looking at my ugly black roots when I look in the mirror. They've grown out enough now to be an eyesore and making me want to just pour a big bottle of fucking bleach all over my head. There's nothing I hate more about myself than my fat and my black roots. Well, there's hundreds of things I hate about myself but those are the top two. I need to get money to go back to the salon and get it bleached again, even if it costs another $100. It's well worth it to not look in the mirror and feel like killing myself every day. Why wasn't I born with brown hair? My fucking mom and dad both have really dark hair. They say it's dark brown but it's more like black. Ugh! I'm actually thinking maybe I should buy a wig and just wear it all day long and especially when I go out. I still have that root touch up, I just never opened the Amazon box. I would spray that on my hair every day, but it would probably get all over my pillows and stuff. It's like hairspray. And I'd run out fast. Sorry, got off-topic. Back to my Concuan. So yesterday morning, I finally felt one of those gorgeous men come back. I wish I could differentiate between the two of them, I swear. Anyway, I was lying in bed and scared because it was hailing and thundering and raining ( had to sing the thunder buddy song ).
And I was chilly and suddenly, I felt this big warm body behind me. Well, not a body, but this big warmth as if there was someone else beside me. It's what I used to feel whenever one of them would climb into bed with me, so I knew he was keeping me warm, and not only that but I kid you not, I also felt this warm caress against my shoulder, off and on, as if someone's warm breath was caressing my skin as they breathed in and out. Fuuuck. It was so amazing and felt so good. God, I love these Concuans and I've missed them desperately! I've also been feeling them grinding against me when we're spooning like they used to do. Horny sexy men! I'm still thinking of maybe getting a third one, but I think I'm okay for now with two. I still want to live out that three-way fantasy that I always read about in all those erotic romance novels. I want to be that girl on the cover of the book sandwiched between two hot muscular bodies. If I were to get another one or two more, it would be a reverse harem and orgy. Not that I would be complaining but damn it, I still have yet to feel both these men on me at once. I feel like it's just one of them giving me attention, or if it's not, they take turns. I want them both on me at once. Let one pleasure me from the waist up while the other takes the waist down. I thought that was how threeways work. If I had a big enough bed, a King bed, they could totally sandwich me every night. I mean, I could always remove all the throw pillows and sleep in the middle, just as an experiment to see if they would both join me and not just one. No one says they can't take turns sleeping beside me, which I'm hoping is what they already do. I just need something to differentiate between them, damn it! Being on my period probably won't stop them from getting it on with me, knowing them.
Thank GOD my aunt will be gone by Wednesday! No more shitting on my toilet or bathroom floor. Damon still wants to have a party when she leaves to celebrate, a party in the wonderland. Yeah, maybe.
Short book review: I finally finished reading Gorgeous Gyno by Karen Deen. I can't believe it took me a whole year! I started reading it November of last year and now I just barely finished it. Damn! What the fuck is wrong with me? Well, I did get sidetracked with other things. I got super busy with working on my novel and taking notes for online classes and being overly tired, too tired to read. Plus, with it being on my Kindle, I don't really favor reading e-books as much as I do regular paperback ones. I had borrowed it from the Kindle Unlimited store but then I canceled my subscription so I just had to pay the $2.99 to finish reading it. I loved it soo much! Tilly & Gray were so cute!! I was imagining Dylan Bruce & Kat Dennings, who were perfect for it and by the time I finished it. . .
I can't even!! So many cute, funny, and sexy scenes! So many hot ass lines from Dr. Grayson Garrett! My favorite scene though will always be the one where Tilly came to the gyno office expecting her female doctor and instead, Grayson was the one filling in for her instead. Especially when she was lying on the exam table and had her legs open and as Grayson was examining her, he saw his "little swimmers" still having fun inside of her vagina and he started to laugh. LOL! OMG! Best part ever! I wish that scene had been longer though, and his friends were a laugh riot and the way he took care of her and put her to bed when she was drunk, took her out on that romantic treasure hunt date, allowed her low-income friend's wife to stay at the hospital free of charge, made sure she was okay all the time. . .
I can't! I just can't. . .so amazing! He had a little bit of Christian & Dom in him. I liked that! FOUR STARS!! And it's been a long time since I've read a book that was worthy of being given 4 stars.
And I better go meditate before Christian gets any madder then bed. Night!
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