Long overdue update. . .

Yeah, I know it's been a long ass time since I updated this thing and I'm really sorry. I just got sidetracked

and was focusing more on my writing and finishing my novel, "How To Save A Life" and everything. I'm actually in the middle of writing the last chapter if you can believe it. It's just having enough energy to get on my computer or on my phone to actually write that's the real challenge. I've been without my CPAP machine for so damn long now that I just have no energy to do much of anything anymore except sleep, and even when I do try to sleep, sometimes I end up with insomnia and Christian makes me take those damn sedatives or makes me stay in bed and keep trying until I finally do fall asleep. Also, I've been having nightmares more than I used to. No, this isn't because of a Ouija board being under my bed. I learned my lesson in the past fucking with that shit and never will again. I don't know if its because the room is chilly or what. I heard that people are more likely to have bad dreams when the room is chilly. Or maybe there's something else going on in my head. My fucked up head. I don't know what's wrong with me but I refuse to get another sleep study done with that nasty fucking paste all on my scalp and making me smell. BUT, it's more than just sleep that's fucking with my body. For the past two weeks, it seems like everything hurts lately. First, it started off with this flank pain that I was having on both sides of my body, mostly the right side of my body and it came on when I was sitting down just out of nowhere, and then more stuff started to hurt, I was getting nauseous and having pain in my upper stomach on both sides and having this awful cramping pain like I'm on my period when I'm not, you know, down in that region, and along with that, I've been getting more frequent migraine headaches (mostly after I wake up) and this lower back pain like right above my tailbone that hurts when I bend or press on it. So basically, yeah, EVERYTHING in my body hates me lately. Every system! I get aches and pains in my legs sometimes too and sometimes in my arms. Sometimes I get chest pain beneath my left breast or in the center or near my collarbones. Sometimes my throat hurts. I just don't know what's going on with me lately and it's starting to scare me. Like I'm getting old and my body is starting to deteriorate. So I'm sure you can guess what Christian insisted on. . .me getting a full fucking physical exam!! A head-to-toe (he's hoping will be "thorough") physical!! I'm going to fucking hate this! As always. But since it's been several years since I last had one, probably 10 years, Christian says that I'm definitely due for one, especially with what he's been seeing and he wants to know exactly what is going on in my body. Fuck. . .he made me horny the way he said it. It's going to be just as nerve-wracking having him there watching the whole thing.

So I changed my PCP (primary care physician) a few days ago because Christian and I were sick of the other damn foreign Indian doctor half-assing his job all the time, not being invested in my health enough. He would call like every week or every other week, sure, but our conversation would only last like 1 or 2 minutes and he would just check and see if I needed any refills for my medication and how I was doing with my medication. That's about it. I've only gone to the office to see him in person ONCE. Just once and I never went back again because he didn't request for me to. It was nothing but phone calls to check on how I was doing with my medication, which is basically the same bullshit that my psychologist does (his father). I, for one, could tell he didn't take his job very seriously judging by the first impression I got at that one visit and Christian could tell too. He didn't come in wearing a lab coat or even had a stethoscope around his neck. He was just dressed in like a polo shirt and pants, and then, to boot, I had to actually ask him if he was even going to examine me and when he did, he pulled out the cheapest looking stethoscope ever from the cabinet. I was thinking: "Really? REALLY?" I don't know who this guy thinks he's kidding but he sure as hell don't act like no doctor, very unprofessional. I remember I couldn't get out of there fast enough. So Christian and I are both hoping that this next doctor will actually make an effort. I'm hoping he at least "pretends" to care, since I know pretty much all the other motherfucking doctors in this world today, along with the whore nurses, just want to move your death along or kill you themselves then claim you died of "COVID" simply so they can get a pay raise and collect your valuables and money.

I honestly was going to switch my PCP to this nice looking female doctor but then I came to find that she's part of a different medical group and I wouldn't be able to keep my IEHP anymore, not to mention I wouldn't be able to get my CPAP machine and I'd have to start all over again with a fucking sleep study. No bitch! Ain't happening. I would really feel more comfortable with a female doctor but since I told IEHP that I had no preference, I just went with another male doctor. Now I'm wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into, especially if the physical includes a fucking breast and pelvic exam (which they most likely will). I was really hoping for a cute male doctor, and I even went on IEHP's directory to search for one by their name and Google. I thought I had found one but turns out that the one I wanted doesn't even take IEHP (which is fucking stupid because why would he even be on their directory if he's not contracted with them?). It's SO. FUCKING. STUPID! Asshole motherfuckers. He would've been a cutie too, a younger-looking doctor that I wouldn't mind getting touched by. I Googled the doctor for the name they gave me and he's not bad looking. I mean, he's not "gorgeous, drop-dead, fuck-me-doctor sexy like the others I saw" but he's decent looking at least and has an attractive face. I personally think he looks a little like Daniel around the eyes but maybe that's just me. I'm not going to tell you his name but he's a younger Mexican guy and in Family Medicine and the clinic said I don't necessarily have to see him every time since there's more doctors at that clinic but assuming he speaks English, has a good and attentive bedside manner, dresses appropriately and uses a decent stethoscope to examine me, I'll be peachy keen. It takes me 5-10 seconds to decide whether I like someone or not upon first meeting them so we'll see. Like I said, he's easy on the eyes so. . .I'm confident things might go over okay. Not too sure about him examining my private parts, but Christian said that they usually have a female chaperone-like a nurse be in the room. Still. . .that would still make me feel uncomfortable. I don't want more than one person seeing my. . .you know. My physical is scheduled for Wednesday at 3 pm. I really, really, really don't want to go even though I know I need to and Christian has been up my ass with a fucking broom about it every time I tell him I don't want to. He refuses to hear anymore arguments about it. Damon, of course, being Damon wanted to go with us too but I know he just wants to watch and get his rocks off so no, I'm not letting him come in with me and Christian won't either. So it's just going to be him, Christian. I'm his responsibility after all, and I know he can comfort me, even though I'm going to be nervous as hell with him watching, as I mentioned before. I don't really remember him being there the last time I had a physical, but I know he insists on it. He just doesn't want me to complain if they request a urine sample or blood work. Ugh! I'm really going to hate this. And if this man is even cuter in person, my heart is probably going to be pounding like crazy when he listens to it. I don't want to goooo! Don't make me. I hate feeling like a lab rat. This is why I avoid annual physicals. I don't like being touched. I have a phobia. But I know Christian is not going to let me get out of it. He and Dom would probably grab me by the arms and drag me in there kicking and screaming if I so much as tried to make a break for it. You know, if they could.

And I have an appointment with my dermatologist tomorrow/today too. I haven't seen him in a long ass time but I'm going to see if he can finally take care of this excessive sweating problem I've been having forever. Give me a pill or do a treatment or something. Hopefully, I have enough time to shower before I go. At least now everyone will show me the proper respect when I go to my appointments or get a ride without me wanting to slit their throats or stab them. Yeah, that's right, I said it. My name is legally Amy now and I am officially a Mikaelson. Hollaaaaaaa!! I just have to tell people its spelled with a "K" not a "Ch." Still doesn't change the fact that I'm a fat fuck but maybe starving myself will. I've been trying to eat barely anything once a day now. It might not work out but hey, I have to do something. God the more I think about it, the less I want to go through with my fucking physical and Christian gets pissed at me every time I tell him I don't want to go. He and Dom have already threatened to take me over their knee if I don't go. I'm trying to get away with not brushing and flossing tonight because I'm just so sleepy, even though I fell asleep earlier and took a nap. Wound up having another nightmare, as usual. This time it wasn't about my grandparents dying again or being in need, this time it was my cousin, Rachel. I used to have a close relationship with her when we were growing up, not anymore though but it was weird. She died from like crumpling up a piece of paper and shoving it in her mouth. I was like: "WTF?" I think she was trying to protect my secrets that I wrote down by eating the paper so her sisters wouldn't see it. Just crazy. My grandparents were there though. I sat down between both of them and my grandpa was making me laugh at one part with this weird big ole' sparkly silver crown. I think that's their way of communicating with me through my dreams even though they're not around anymore.

The world is still fucked up, everyone is still walking around with diapers on their fucking faces and my two favorite cities have turned into Nazi slave nations, L.A., which I call Hell-A now, and San Francisco, which I call Shit Francisco now. They won't even let anyone walk into their motherfucking businesses without wearing a face diaper AND most of all, being poisoned by that COVID shot. It's the beginning of the end. There's a lot more idiots in this fucking country than I realize and they mostly got that poison even though it will kill you, run rampant through your body fucking up your internal organs and giving you blood clots and heart issues, and end up making you eat out of a tube in your nose and send you to the slaughterhouse (that's the hospital and what I call it now with all the whore nurses and asshole doctors making money off of killing every patient or claiming they died of COVID and not natural causes). Unfortunately, my mom and dad were stupid and naive enough to get that jab. I mean it's nice to know that I'm the smartest one in my family but if they die early or have complications, it's going to be their own fault. I mean I could hunt the fuckers down who injected them and make them pay but it was their own fucking stupid fault. You can't "unpoison" yourself. I would rather put a bullet in my fucking head than that shit in my body to fuck it up even more and I will fight to the death for my freedom if I have to. Ain't no one going to force it on me without dying in the process. There's so many fucking obedient slave sheep out there today, but for every one of those idiots, there are thousands of us who are still holding the line, who see beyond all the media bullshit lies and fake ass variants that don't exist, and some that are protesting and WILL TAKE THEM DOWN IF WE HAVE TO! Especially when they go zombie and start coming for our brains. I'm going to be fighting that zombie apocalypse like Mila Jovovich and Sarah Polley. I'm glad that at least more people are waking up every day to realize what's really going on in the world and are taking a stand against it. This is a government scam. Plain and simple. It's all part of the depopulation agenda. The coming of a new Hitler-run world. It pisses me off that I still have to wear the face diapers to the fucking doctor's offices. In other places, they're only "recommended" but not required so WOO HOO! Even so I just wear it under my nostrils so I can breathe. I wish that one I bought hadn't been overly big. It said: "Fuck this mask and the cocksuckers who are making me wear it." Lol! Damn I wish I'd gotten a smaller size for that. I do have one that says: "Being forced to wear this mask by idiots." I really wish the word "mask" was replaced by "diaper." And then another that says: "Just a mask. Just a vaccine. Just your freedom." I wore that one to court! :) Least I can make a statement while wearing it, even if I can't breathe. Yet another reason why I've retired before 40. You can't get any fucking job these days without suffocating or being poisoned. Tried working from home. That didn't work out either. The fuckers reject me no matter what job I apply for. Story of my life. MOTHERFUCKING REJECTION!

It's their fucking loss. They're never going to find a medical scribe like me with as much knowledge as I have of the field and who types as fast with as much flawless detail for mistakes. Hopefully they get COVID and die or die from something else for not giving me what I desperately need. . .MONEY! I hate having to keep asking my dad for money. I shouldn't have to do that. He gets stressed and pissed off when I ask him. The fucking government should care enough to provide EVERYONE with stimulus checks! Not just the fucking whores who were desperate enough to spread their fucking legs and pop out those bastard children, who are going to die anyway from that poison they have to get just to attend public school. So that's one good thing. Wish I could siphon the stimulus money from their accounts too. Those fuckers don't deserve the money! Why don't they try thinking about those of us who can't get a job and have no other source of income? We need that money desperately! If they can't put food on the table or clothe their kids because they're broke, that's their problem. They shouldn't have had those little bastards in the first place. They suck up all your money anyway. Should've used a condom!

Fucking Spectrum can lick my bloody cunt! I'm sick of their fucking internet connection cutting out every day mutiple times a day on every fucking device you have. My mom shouldn't be paying these assholes for this shit when it doesn't even work! Worst cable and internet company in the world. DO. NOT. GIVE. THEM. YOUR. BUSINESS!! I'm going to have to bitch their asses out one of these days on the phone. I'm not going to stand for this shit anymore.

Now I have to go to bed before I cut a fucking bitch for real. Christian's up my ass with a fucking broom.