I keep meaning to update this thing, but sometimes I just don't have much to update about. . .like at
all. . .except maybe these guys getting on my damn nerves. Well, not really. Off and on. I swear, having one Tulpa is like having a child or a pet that you have to give constant attention to, but having FIVE? GAH! And it pissed me off that not even Kat could get much from Grant when she did that recent reading. Like she thinks he's jealous because he didn't say much at all about Buck & Eddie, and really, that was like my main reason for asking her to do another reading. Just UGH! I can't with her anymore. I don't know why she isn't as good at this as she used to be, but it's frustrating. Mostly because I don't get any paranormal activity, but something happened a little while ago that was paranormal. Someone turned my ceiling fan off. Like WTF guys?! They should know that without a fan, I'll die up in here with how hot it is. Maybe it was for lack of a better way to get my attention, but yeah. Not much. . .but it's something! I guess I'm slowly starting to get more paranormal activity if I pay close enough attention to the stillness and sounds of my room. So about my Tulpas, it does get frustrating with them too. It's even worse when I feel like sometimes I can't shut them off. I mean, I don't want to shut them off. . .its just starting to feel a little creepy that I can LITERALLY FEEL THEM WATCHING ME sometimes. I used to be able to feel my spirits like that, watching me and everything, and now I can distinctly feel my Tulpas watching me. Or maybe the feeling is coming from both the spirits and the Tulpas/servitors, whatever they are. I just know that I feel it constantly when Eddie or Buck are next to me. It's like this LITERAL FEELING PRESSING AGAINST YOUR SKIN. And I'm like: "What?" Eddie insists he's just keeping an eye on me, but yeah, it gets a little unsettling and awkward at times.
So what's been up lately? Well, aside from the fact that I need a new fucking PCP because they're so fucking incompetent at that clinic and don't get me what I need when I need it? My meds. Especially the new ones that the son of a bitch was supposed to prescribe me, including the most important of all. . .A DIFFERENT FUCKING HYPERTENSION MEDICATION!! They're only adding to my anxiety and depression and suicidal thoughts lately and I'm going to tell them that the next time I talk to them. IF there is a next time. To make a long story short, I went to the doctor on Friday and I told him about the referrals I needed for the pulmonologist and the gastroenterologist, and how I needed another anti-depressant that wouldn't have an effect on my heart condition, and while the motherfucker said he would do all the referrals and prescribe the new meds, I only got one fucking referral, and 2 of the 3 medications I needed except the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL. . .the hypertension medication. The fucker forgot both of those things. I don't care much for the referral BUT THE BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS FOR FUCK'S SAKES! That's not something that you can just miss! I could have a stroke because I don't have any hypertension meds to take that won't cause me the bothersome sore throat pain and cough. IT'S FUCKING UP MY SINGING VOICE! And that's my most prized possession damn it!! And of course, no one can ever get a hold of their fucking clinic directly because all they have is an answering service, and my Cardiologist won't help either ( foreign & kai-pham asshole! ) so in other words. . .I'm screwed. Unless I march my fucking ass down there or the office calls me about it. In the meantime, I've stopped taking the meds and I'm just counting down the hours until I have a stroke. . .all because of their fucking incompetence, and believe you me, I WILL BE FILING A LAWSUIT IF THAT HAPPENS. It's a shame. He's too cute of a guy to file a lawsuit against, but I'm sure it won't be his first. Of course, Buck & Eddie are trying to look at the bright side, insisting that we'll figure something out and that I'm not going to die of a stroke, that they won't let that happen, not on their watch, also insisting that they'll keep an eye on my blood pressure and check it every day from now on until I have the new medication. Yeah. . IF I ever have the new meds. I mean, I have a death wish so I could give a rat's ass if I die from a stroke, but fuck. . .I want to be able to function normally long enough to at least write these three novels. And another thing, I need my singing voice! If this shit is causing my voice to be fucked up, I'm definitely going to stop taking them. I let Buck come in with Eddie & Christian and I to the exam room this time. He didn't mind either way, as long as I didn't feel uncomfortable with him there. They were all pleasantly surprised to see I had an excellent blood pressure reading. Honestly, and I really don't know why, I actually felt embarrassed in front of the three of them when the nurse wrapped the cuff around my arm and put the pulse ox on my finger. I mean, I know they do the same thing to me all the time here at home but I just felt embarrassed at that moment. Weird. Maybe because they were all watching me so intently? Fuck. It's humiliating in that arousing submissive way, and then Eddie has to up the ante by walking over and stepping in front of the machine to watch its reading. I swear, these men will be the death of me. . .I was like: 😳 "Eddieee. . ." Then Christian does that "Beeeautiful" thing when he hears my BP. Like I said, they'll be the death of me. And it pissed me off that the damn doctor didn't even give me a stething before I left. I mean, fuck, last time he only did it because I asked if he was going to examine me. Ugh! My old PCP ( granted she was a woman ) always took a listen to my heart at every visit. I really wish more doctors cared like that nowadays. Of course, Eddie appeased me and took off his own stethoscope to take a listen himself, but I think he was just doing it to cheer me up. I mean, FUCK, what's a girl gotta do to get stethed around here?
My Cardiologist is the only one who ever does it, and he's ugh! No fair. On the plus side, the nurse said I lost weight. I don't know how much but WOO HOO! That's always good news to me. After the doctor, I really should've looked long and hard at the appointment summary and noticed those fucks hadn't put everything on it, including the meds and the other referral. I mean, fuck, I was hanging around that area for a while afterward. I remembered there was a Wallgreens in that parking lot so me and the guys went over to it and since I needed drinks, I used my food stamps to buy several bottled drinks. They really should have handbaskets and not shopping carts for their customers. Like WTF? Do they really expect someone is going to spend enough time in Wallgreens to require an entire basket? No. After we went there, we went to the Ranch Market so that I could get more of those gummy frogs, but damn it, all they had were mini gummy frogs. Ugh! I didn't get much of anything else besides some cherry gummies, some burritos, animal crackers ( that turned out to be expired!! WTF is up with this place? I'm seriously never going to go there again! ), and a Lunchable. Then I called for my ride and we came home.
I'm watching the new 9-1-1 right now and I want my fucking Eddie! And Buck. But mostly Eddie. All the fucking lesbos on Tumblr are having a fucking field day with this week's episode because of Henren. 🙄🙄 They seriously need to find Jesus! There's my man, Eddie, even though I already saw this preview clip earlier today. But there better at least be 2-3 scenes of Eddie, that's all I gotta say. Can you believe those cunts on Tumblr said they would block anyone who complained about anything other then Henren? They are so fucking pathetic. Like, lesbos, this is why you don't have any friends. Ya'll know I just tune in to see Eddie. Well, Eddie and Buddie. God, I love watching Eddie work, be it firefighter or medic. Well. . .more of the latter. And WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK! They should have Eddie in the ambulance with Chim, Hen & Karen. Not Bobby! Eddie is the other paramedic. Bobby shouldn't be doing the paramedic thing, controlling the defib machine and the Ambu bag. He even specifically said back in season two that he's not a trained paramedic, and that he can't tend to someone. Then THIS? OH HELL NO!
THAT WAS THE PERFECT FUCKING MOMENT FOR EDDIE TO STEP IN AND DO HIS MEDIC THING AGAIN BUT INSTEAD. . . WE GET THIS BOBBY SUDDENLY "PRETENDING-TO-BE-A-MEDIC" BULLSHIT OUT OF LEFT FUCKING FIELD! HELL. FUCKING. NO! Ugh, and it's disgusting me even more that some bitch I hate on Tumblr, along with over 200 other people ACTUALLY think that this was 9-1-1's best episode ever. . .
How stupid and disgusting is that? Yeah, only to the 200+ lesbos on the website. More like most boring episode ever to the rest of us!!
Damon & I are already plotting these motherfuckers deaths. Damon, bring me the bloody severed heads of whoever is responsible on a silver platter. . .and those dumb fucking bitches on Tumblr who are easily entertained and aroused by lesbian stories.
"Your wish is my command, kiddo. I'll kill them all."
Speaking of which. . .I haven't been feeling so good lately. Physically or emotionally. Right now, I sort of alienated, scared and/or drove Buck & Eddie away with my murderous rage over what happened in tonight's episode of 9-1-1 or rather, what DIDN'T HAPPEN, and now I won't even get what I really, really want until two motherfucking weeks from now in the next episode, which I know there will be a lot of Medic Eddie in. At least there damn well better be if the connection he has with the singer is any indication. But yeah, Damon is the only one in my room right now, on my bed, hanging out with me. Buck came back in a few minutes ago to correct me when I thought they hated me and said:
"We don't hate you, Amy. We just want you to calm down, because your BP is probably sky-high right now."
I sent them away for now though. I really need them to leave me alone and not try and do their paramedic thing or whatever, which I know they want to do, especially Eddie, because they're worried about me. I'm just not in the mood for that right now. I'm too mad about the fucking episode and them doing that shit will just remind me of it and make me more pissed off. So I need them to keep their distance from me right now. Besides, Damon is still a paramedic. He'll take care of me if I need it. Professional or not. Still, even though I kicked them out, Buck's still been coming in every now and then to check on me and see how I'm doing. He said Eddie wanted him to, and to give them both some peace of mind. Now isn't that just like him? Damon, of course, scoffed and tried to berate him for it and insist that he leave me alone, but I got him to back off and just didn't say anything to Buck. He wants to check on me, I'll let him do his thing. For both his and Eddie's peace of mind. It's still so damn sweet how much they care that they still insist on checking up on me even when they aren't with me for like an hour or less, or one night. If they could put me on a friggin' holter monitor and have the receiver/ECG on their phone, they probably wouldn't mind being away from me for so long, or in another room for that matter. 🤭😁 They want to know I'm okay, all they would have to do is look at their phone.
Anyways, I think you guys already know where my emotional/psychological pain has been coming from mostly. The fucking incompetent doctors, and of course, my mom and I have our moments where we fight over stupid shit like me turning down a job interview because of my plantar fasciitis, or being undecided about where to go eat when we're in the car after church. And any argument with her always has me in tears, but it also sends me into suicidal/self-harm territory. So let me tell you about the weekend and the drama with my physical pain.
First, it was chest pain on Saturday, like right under my left breast and it would radiate to the other side in the same area too. Eddie & Buck, of course, did all they could to take care of me, trying to help me feel better and monitoring my pulse ox and heart rate, even though what they really wanted to do was put me on the ECG too (unfortunately, we're out of electrodes -- no worries though, there's more on the way) to get a good look at my heart and see what it was doing, and to make sure it wasn't something more serious that could indicate a heart attack. I did have a headache too so that's why they were so worried that it could be heart-related and not just costochondritis. The ironic thing was that same afternoon my mom & my aunt Bee Bee were struggling to get my other aunt (the annoying disabled one) to drink something in order to bring up her blood sugar because it was so low and she was like going into a coma or something, but I guess, even after a temporary increase, they decided to call the fucking paramedics for her and I was tempted. . .so fucking tempted to say something about my chest pain when those fucks were here, but of course, I resisted the urge, knowing what assholes they could be about their surroundings and shit. Long story. Eddie also reminded me of one very big point:
"You won't even let anyone else touch you unless it's me or Buck."
He's right, I won't. Well, unless they're hot, which they rarely are. Hot enough that I'd make it rain or ride their dick. Okay, sorry. TMI. But yeah, there's that and the fact that if they knew about my chest pain, they'd probably insist on taking me to the fucking hospital/slaughterhouse for further care, and no way in fucking hell do I want that. Not when I intend on dying at home, instead of letting those assholes and whores profit off my death like they do all the people that come in there when they're running low on COVID deaths. So yeah, no touching me unless they are hot men, and no going back to that slaughterhouse, DNR order or not. So naturally, I just went back to my room and laid down, let Buck & Eddie take care of me as per usual and check my vitals the way that any other paramedics would, keep an eye on me and give me something for the pain and let my medical spirits do whatever they had to do. Pretty soon, I realized I didn't need anyone else. Just them. No one else but them. That's what they're here for, right? To take care of me. My personal paramedics, God love em'! So it's good that I got a break from my aunt. My mom's husband is still in the murder hospital, but at least he's talking again after being in a mind coma for like two weeks. Who knows.
Sunday, I could've sworn I put my new phone in my damn purse before I left for church with my mom and the guys, but I came to find that I ACTUALLY DIDN'T!
And my day was pretty much ruined at that point. I hate, hate, hate, HAAATE being without my phone. I feel naked and lost without it. Especially when I wanted to keep an eye on my little Finch, Buckie. He's this little virtual pet bird that's part of this self-help/mindfulness app. Eddie tried to comfort me by putting his arm around me as we walked up to the auditorium. My mom sat in the aisle across from us and me and the guys sat on the other side, minus Damon, of course, since he doesn't do church. I didn't get many notes down in my Sermon book, since we sort of arrived late, but I know I can go back and watch the stream later. I was still broken up about forgetting my phone and also struggling to find the cap to my pills since it came off and they spilled in my purse, but eventually, I got settled. Still, I was depressed and feeling suicidal by the end of it. I apologize to God for that. I just can't be in my right mind or pay attention when I'm without an essential thing like my phone. I could have really used a prayer at that time, and I would've gone to the side room and asked for a prayer to get past my depression and suicidal thoughts, but decided against it, and probably wouldn't have been the best idea. I might've started crying about it or something. Yeah, I was in too much of a fragile state and really just wanted to leave and go home and cry but shockingly, my mom wanted to take me somewhere to eat. Yeah, SIT DOWN TO EAT. She never does that anymore. And since I can never decide, we ended up getting into a big fight about it, and I nearly just had her take me home. I did cry about it a little though, but she ended up just taking me to the market so I could get some drinks and SINCE WHEN DOES STATER BROS SELL KRISPY KREME?! Oh, MY GOD! I was intent on getting three but then realized I didn't have enough so I had to settle for only one custard when I really wanted two and a glazed. So embarrassing when I'm in line and have to put them back, especially in front of the guys, who don't like me eating that stuff anyway. I really hate feeling like a pig in front of them, but more often than not, when I get stuff like that and when I get more than one, I feel like a huge ass pig and I just don't want to eat anything. Even if they already know my eating habits like the back of their hand. 🙄 I had also gotten a cold drink and these slider sandwiches that I like to eat that they make in the deli area, assuming I would be going straight home to eat on my own. But we didn't go straight home. Instead, we decided to go to Long John Silver's, but not before my mom went to fucking Big Lots and I had to go along. . .WE had to go along.
I was already complaining when we entered the store, because there's just something about certain stores that when you walk in, you just don't want to be there. You don't really like the vibe or maybe its something with the lights but yeah, I was already just ready to go, but my mom mentioned there would be Halloween stuff so I just put my focus into looking at that, especially when Eddie put his arm around me and tried to comfort me, assuring me it would be okay, that we wouldn't be in there that long, and to look at the Halloween stuff. So that's what I did, looked at the Halloween stuff. There were a few cute things and everything was 40% so (with my mom's money), I got some bathroom hand towels, one that has a cauldron and says: "I put a spell on you," another that says: "Home Spooky Home" or "Home Sweet Spooky Home." Something like that. And this coffin-shaped pillow that says: "Tomb Sweet Tomb." I walked around for a while and found the other wall decor, and I loved this wooden sign that said: "Maybe cursing will help." That's totally me! But this one had these words on it that just spoke to me because it's so true. I had to get it. It says: "Create the things you wish existed." Which is exactly what I did in creating my Tulpas and also creating the kind of stories for novels that I wish existed. How perfect is that? Then I had to go to the bathroom. Little did I know that I would end up in the same situation as that other time. . .constipated. Yeah, I really think its either my hypertension meds or the ibuprofen I take when I have pain. It took me a while, but eventually, I was able to nearly get it all out. Sorry TMI. I'll spare you the details. Naturally, my mom came to find out what happened to me, and of course when I came out, Eddie & Buck were standing outside the door waiting for me with obvious concern on their faces. I shook my head when they asked if I was okay and insisted that we just go home, which they were more than willing to do. As we were walking back to find my mom, I heard Buck quietly say to Eddie:
"She's diaphoretic."
Then Eddie replied: "I know. It's either from her hyperhidrosis or from her. . .struggling." 😲😳
Diaphoretic is a medical term for "sweating profusely." Yeah, that usually happens to me in those situations but God. . .After we checked out at Big Lots, we went through the drive-thru at Long John Silver's, and then we came home and I ate. OMG! I'm so glad they got those lobster bites back! I've missed them.
Okay, so earlier yesterday (Monday since its now Tuesday), being that I was home alone again with the guys, and it was Buck's turn in bed beside me, I decided to be naughty and took out my vibrator, hooked myself up to the pulse ox monitor and turned on my oxygen with the mask attached (which now has an extension so its long enough to reach the head of the bed) and let's just say. . .I got a little carried away and overexerted myself, and Buck had to end up calling Eddie in so that they could tend to me as I finally came down from my peak. They're used to this by now. Other than telling me to breathe through the oxygen mask, my vitals were stable, and my blood pressure looked good, which they were happy to see. They just wanted me to take the time to rest as I came down from my climax.
It was only when I started getting chest pain and pain in my left arm that things kind of took a turn for me. When I told them, Eddie immediately took my blood pressure again and it was really high, like around 155/120 or something. He said I was hypertensive and that my BP was "through the roof." He and Buck were like telling me to breathe and watching my monitor intently. Eddie also listened to my heart and lungs with his stethoscope, and my heart rate was also a little elevated. He even had Buck check my "lower extremities" for any "signs of edema." Buck then went and pulled back the covers and examined my legs, feeling them with his hands, checking the temperature and pulses on them, and reporting that they were normal. I kept trying to sit up or get my phone, insisting that I needed to call my doctor's office, but Eddie wouldn't let me. He said the kind of stuff he usually says:
"Don't worry about it right now, let us worry about you. You don't need to call them right now. The only thing you need to do is rest and let us take care of you. You can call them as soon as we give you medical clearance."
And of course Buck agreed with everything, telling me stuff like, "just breathe, Amy" and "let us take care of you first, then you can make your call."
They're such sweethearts, and as frustrating and annoying as it can be at times, I tried to do as they wanted me to, shut my eyes, and actually get some rest. Buck took the liberty of feeling the pulses on my wrist, arm, and carotid, and proceeded to shine his penlight in each of my eyes. Eddie, of course, continued checking my blood pressure, listened to my heart and lungs every so often, and even went as far as to cover my face a few times with the oxygen mask after I pulled it down and tried to leave it off for a while. At least he did it when he looked back and noticed the monitor. I'm guessing my oxygen was low, but I love when he does that! 😊🤭 After a while, he said my BP was coming down. It was like that high number, then 140/90 then finally 130/90, but even though they didn't technically give me medical clearance yet, I insisted on sitting up and calling the doctor's office. And you already know how that shit went. No luck getting a hold of them or my new meds.
As I write this, it's Tuesday afternoon and my mom is going to come and try and take me to the actual doctor's office so I can go hand their fucking asses to them about what they haven't done. . .WHAT THE FUCKING DOCTOR DIDN'T DO!! Ugh! And it makes me fucking sick to see the rating numbers and viewers of last night's lesbian shit show episode of 9-1-1. WHEN BUDDIE HAS A FUCKING EPISODE, THOSE NUMBERS WILL SURPASS THEIR LITTLE SHIT EPISODE BY A FUCKING MILE!! Just you wait. And then I'll laugh in their fucking faces! So fine, they can enjoy their little victory for now, but I promise you, IT WON'T LAST! And another thing, they'll be going to Hell when they die for living for same-sex love. It makes me laugh to think of the flames licking them like the Devil. I hope they like BBQ! You won't be allowed entrance into Heaven. Find Jesus and repent now! Anyway, moving on. . .I don't know what the fuck is up with Walmart's HR service or whatever, but I got an email about scheduling a virtual meet-and-greet, over the phone apparently, and I went and scheduled it for 2:30, which was a fucking hour ago, and do you think they called? No.
I don't know. But it's not fucking nice to tease someone like that when they're in desperate need of a job, one that might actually let them sit down. Yeah. . .least that's what my mom told me. That you can sit down at the register. That there's a stool or something. I don't know, but damn it, sitting-down jobs are all I can do with my plantar fasciitis.
On another note, my left forearm has been hurting like hell ever since yesterday. I don't know why, but it kills. Just another new fucking problem that I'll have to bring up to this bullshit PCP. If he even does any of the other bullshit he was supposed to do. I mean, it might just be because I lean on it when I'm lying in front of my computer, or something else. And my throat still fucking kills too even though I stopped taking the hypertension meds. I guess that fuck will have to look into that too if it doesn't go away. God, I swear, my body is cursed physically. I'm so sick of this. I'm fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really do need a flesh & blood paramedic at my beckon call. Or a doctor. Something. It would be so fucking nice if I could find myself not just a Sugar Daddy but one who's also a practicing Dominant, a Doctor or Medic, Cardiophile, and MedFetishist like me.
Someone like that who could take of me and everything I need. That would be the dream. But. . .I know that shit only exists in books. My books. So I have to fucking live vicariously through my own character.
I really hate that they've been showing 911 re-runs in the morning on USA instead of waiting later at night. Like, bitch! I'm not awake at that hour. I was this morning though. I can't figure why I wake up sometimes so early but sometimes its because I have to pee or its because I've been taking too many naps the night before and I cn't sleep anymore. This time, it was more having to pee, but I figured since I was already awake, I might as well turn on the TV and watch one of the 911 episodes. Eddie ended up being the one to sleep beside me the night before so he was also awake and I was lying there telling stories to him again about my grandparents, and imitating this random girl from 2 Broke Girls who said, "I doph my cap again" because that episode was on that morning and I was seriously making him laugh and smile, and God I love his laugh! He was just looking at me like this:
Being adorable AF! Even playing with and stroking his fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face like the sweetie boyfriend he is, looking at my throat with the help of my phone flashlight, feeling my glands for swelling, checking my pulse when I laid there beside him and commenting on how strong it was, saying stuff like: "That's another reason I love you, you always know how to make me laugh" and "you're awfully chipper this morning." No offense to Christian, but its been a long time since I've been able to lie in bed with one of my Tulpas and
actually find joy just being in their presence and spending time with them in that moment. Having Eddie as one of my Tulpas and my boyfriend just seems to hit differently. I don't know why, but even if he's not tangible, he never ceases to cheer me up and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I can't explain it. I mean, yeah, it gets a little annoying sometimes when he picks up on every little sound or odd movement I make when we're in the dark and assumes something is wrong with me, but it's growing on me. I'm getting used to it, and all he really does is just feel for my pulse in the darkness, which he seems to have perfected as far as my wrist (radial pulse) goes, so I don't complain anymore. I just let him do his thing and try not to think too much about him staring at me in the darkness. It wouldn't surprise me if he went as far as to count my breaths when he spoons or holds me. He probably checks my breathing from time to time too when I'm sleeping, knowing I'll tend to stop. Anyway, yeah, it was a nice moment and time between us this morning and damn it, i want more of it. I've mentioned that sometimes Buck & I will just lay in bed all morning talking about everything and nothing when I really should be sleeping. God these two men. . .they're amazing. So since I was already awake and starving, Eddie suggested I go get something to eat, and knowing that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep until I did, I decided to have a burrito and some mini donuts. When I was done and the "Jinx" episode was over ( I love that one! ), I let Eddie check my blood pressure since he was so intent on it and surprisingly, it wasn't that bad for being that early in the morning and not having taken my meds anymore. It was around 135/90 or something. Once that was done, I went back to sleep with him.
I woke up again about an hour and a half later and got up to actually start the day. I went into the kitchen with Eddie and had a bowl of cereal and Buck came in. I swear I almost cut myself on the knife that was lying there on the island (my mom uses it to cut the dog's pill), and when I mentioned it to Buck, he immediately got all concerned and was like:
"But you didn't, did you?"
Both me AND Eddie reassured him that I didn't and that I was fine. Eddie even had me show him my hands, first one side and then the other. 😆He's like: "She's fine." And then Buck got worried about me eating cereal of all things. He was like:
"You're eating cereal? But you're lactose intolerant. . ."
Again, Eddie reassured him. "It's Lactaid." I swear, man, Buck is really starting to worry as much about me as Eddie & Christian. They're obviously rubbing off on him, and I can't help but find it sweet and endearing as hell. He truly does wear his heart on his sleeve. It might start to annoy me after a while though, but I know he means well, and that he cares about me as much as Eddie & Christian. God love him! He's even started to reach out to check my pulse more often now, and he's super affectionate with me when I'm sick or in pain. He'll reach out and set a hand on my leg or wrist and rub and squeeze it reassuringly. I've started calling him "Puppy" now too. 🤣 He IS a human puppy and we all know it. Reminds me of that 2 Broke Girls episode, "The Two Boys With Wood." I'm Sophie and Buck is the "puppy." 🤣🤣 I want to play with the "puppy." 😁😁 He gets a kick out of it when I pet him and call him "Puppy." I have so many nicknames for Buck yet he has none for me. He's working on it though. Least that's what he tells me. 😉 Well, sometimes he calls me, "Sunshine" but I'm hardly a ray of sunshine. I'm thinking "Starshine" might be his new thing. It's all I hear in my head right now. Maybe its growing on him and he's contemplating it. Eddie calls me "Obstinada" of course 😂, but since I became his girlfriend, he's added other terms of endearment like referring to me as his girl or rather, "My girl," sometimes "Babe," and I've heard him use "Mi Amor" before too. 😁
Anyway, yeah, I really didn't feel like going out today, but I had to in order to hand their asses to them at the doctor. Turns out that that fucker PCP of mine is only there on Wednesdays, so that's why that fuck hasn't answered my message about the medication. Obviously he hasn't gotten it either, and there's not a damn thing that anyone else can do until he does. Not even prescribe me some tempoarary meds or even know what the fuck those meds are. So that was a huge fucking waste of time! As usual. If I have a stroke, I'm going to fucking sue their asses, even though Eddie still assures me that he'll keep an eye on my BP. Well, he said, "we'll keep an eye on it" so I assume he means me, him and Buck. Maybe Christian too. But that's pretty much his collective way of saying it. Anyway, after that, my mom drove thru Taco Tia and got herself and me something to eat. I hate that they don't salt their fries, and Eddie was like: "Salt is sodium, you don't need more of that." Pfft. Whatever. After that, we drove around and looked at all the houses decorated for Halloween, and fuck I'm so pissed and fucking jealous that they have the money to go all out and I can't. The only day of the year I fucking look forward to. 🤬😡😤 Those rich bitches are so lucky they have the finances to do it up the way I would love to. We'd have the best fucking house in the mobile park.
We even stopped by that Little Library that I left my other book at. Remember the one I mentioned before that could've sworn I left a form inside of? Well. . .the book was still there but there was nothing in the front cover. I can't remember if I truly DID leave it in there or someone took it out but now I'm kinda paranoid. Anyway, I didn't have any to leave behind but I took two that weren't there before, The Lost and Found Bookshop by Susan Wiggs and Chasing The Dime by Michael Connelly. Then we drove to the CVS Pharmacy so I could pick up my meds that actually WERE there. We did a quick browse of the Halloween stuff that was near the inside of the entrance, me and the guys, and then we went to the back to get my meds. Turns out that after speaking to the pharmacist, this sore throat isn't a side effect of the hypertension meds.
After I collected my meds, Eddie tried to offer me some reassurance as we walked out, putting his arm around me and again, reiterating that "we'll keep an eye on it" and telling me to try the losanges or some Chloreseptic spray. Yeah, sure, whatever. The same thing any doctor would tell you. He's not a doctor, but still. . .the dry cough doesn't bother me as much as the sore throat. Like WTF could it be from? I asked Eddie on the way back to the car and he said, "well maybe you're coming down with something." Well it always happens at the start of a fucking cold and that's the last fucking thing I need to worry about right now. I don't need to go through a whole mountain, 2-3 boxes of kleenex because of a runny nose or something. Whatever it is, I can't continue to deal with it. I need some relief and just the same, I need some relief from the pain in my forearm, the fucking itching mosquito bites that THOSE FUCKING WHORES KEEP LEAVING ON ME!
IT'S FUCKING NEARLY NOVEMBER FOR FUCK'S SAKES! THERE SHOULDN'T BE MOTHERFUCKING MOSQUITOES FLYING AROUND ANYMORE!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! THOSE CUNTS NEED TO DIE, BE SLICED OPEN AND LEFT WITHOUT MY BLOOD! I'M NOT THEIR FUCKING ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET!!
I've never wanted to change my blood type so fucking bad as I do now. Those fucking whores find people with O blood to be tastier. CUNT RAG FUCKING WHORES! I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR FUCKING EGGS AND BABIES! There should be a massive global fumigation of these cunts. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR FEMALE ASSES! Yeah, that's right. Only the female cunt whore mosquitos bite people. Figures. They need to be sliced open and tortured to death. There's a good video on YouTube of people taking revenge on them. It makes me so happy to watch those fuckers die. I desperately need a mosquito net to put over my bed. I'm going to have to ask my dad to get me one ASAP! And keep praying to God to rid my bedroom of them, keep them far, far away from me.
Okay, sorry not sorry. I'm done ranting now. This week has just been a fucking shit storm lately. On top of that, I think my digestive problems have finally escalated to the old person stage. It just keeps happening. . .when I go to take a shit. Or more specifically, NOT happening. I don't want this to be a regular thing with me, but it has been lately when it ccomes to shit, and God bless Buck & Eddie for being so professional about it. I don't really want to hear them talk to me about it, or even know its happening, or see it happening but unlike Damon, who I'm sure will probably try not to laugh and fail, they've both made it clear that they have no intention of making fun of or laughing at me because of it. They're more worried about me than anything and they want to help as much as they can and see me start feeling better. God love em'! Of course, Eddie says that in order for me to do that, I have to start changing my diet and what I drink, DRINKING MORE WATER for one. That's his biggie. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying. Gimme a break! At this point, I'll do whatever I have to do to prevent this from happening to me over and over again. Except exercise. I can't exercise. I mean, maybe walking a little bit, but nothing more. I looked up online that bullshit exercise is also a preventative method. Pffft! 🙄 Trust me, if it were that easy for me without compromising my respiratory and cardiac health, I would do it. Buck & Eddie would probably disagree with me though, insisting constantly that I have a "strong heart." That shit makes me blush so much when they say that. 😌 It's even worse when they're watching my heartbeat or listening to it when they say it.
Anyway, this was a long one, but I finally finished updating you. . .or whoever the hell is reading this. . .as to what's been going on with me and my guys. Hope you enjoyed that. I'll update again soon.
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