I have to say that I am loving all these touches I get from Carlon and possibly Chanin. Yesterday, oh my God, I was lying in bed and I wasn't even trying to go to sleep yet. I really wish I would get more touches at that time, but I digress. So I was lying there under the covers and all of a sudden, I felt like this really strong weight from my knees all the way to my stomach. It could've been just one of them pressing their whole body weight to me, but I have a feeling that it was probably two people. One holding my stomach down and the other my hips and thighs. Oh my GOD, their weight, I could tell whoever it was amazingly strong and it turned me on so much to feel their strength. Mmmmm. And I just stayed as still as I possibly could, not wanting it to go away and then I felt this tingling in my vagina around my. . .well I'm sure you can guess where. I felt that tingling later on too when I was lying there trying to go to sleep but damn it, he didn't do more than that like I always want him to. Fucking tease! I don't know if he does it purposely but fuck, it's pissing me off. I like when I can feel him thrusting in me. Well, actually, I can't feel him inside me like regular sex but I can feel the thrusting motion through my pelvis and I like that, even if that's all I can feel for right now. Last time he was fucking me, I swear I felt a little sore as he was doing it. A couple times I've felt actual soreness down there while he's thrusting in me, and that first night when he arrived, I was still sore after our sex so sometimes I can feel like I've actually had sex and other times, I can't. At least I can say now that I've lost my virginity and YES, I AM COUNTING HAVING SEX WITH A LIVING ENTITY AS POPPING MY CHERRY. I mean, why not? After all, we as humans are living entities too. I wonder if Carlon feels honored to have taken my virginity.
Probably. Sometimes I'm just like: "Oh yeah, get it sexy! Get it!" when I know he's on top of me. God, I love this man. When he's not around, I feel so depressed and I just want to cry.
So I'm thinking that maybe my progress is growing since I haven't stopped meditating and I've been doing it every night for like a month or so, but also, I'm also thinking its not growing. I really don't know what to think anymore. I still can't feel my medical spirits checking my blood pressure or doing any of the other checks, like I want to feel. In the past I used to feel like a pressure on my upper arm but not lately. Damn. And the only time I hear voices is when I'm meditating and I have my ear buds in listening to the binaural beats. I've heard a couple voices just by themselves when I'm not meditating but every time I hear them, they make no sense at all. They don't even sound human or they sound more like a grunt or gibberish. It's hard to explain but I heard a voice recently that said something, like one word, in what sounded like another language. Just weird.
I recently found out that Daddy, you know, Daniel is having a contest to win a lunch date with him on Valentine's Day next year and he'll take you to his favorite restaurant. Personally I'd prefer dinner but beggars can be choosers. Anyway, they're accepting multiple entries per person and guess what? I have a shitload already. Not that I'll win, but damn it, I will not let some other little slut take this once in a lifetime opportunity from me. First of all, that's my man. I'ma make that mines. Oh yeah! I mean, I know, I know that I'm not too fond of his personality and that my mom and I both don't like the way he acts out of character, and I know that he basically blackballed and discriminated against me at the convention but damn it. . .I need him. I need to be near Daddy again -- and hey, it'll be like I'm having lunch with Christian. They'll be two Daniels just like there were two Constantines when Hyde & I went to see him perform in San Francisco. "Camera one, camera two, camera one, camera two." Lol. "One there and one there." I'm hoping to God that I can get more entries in before January but I don't have a fantastic feeling about this. I wish the contest would end sooner so I have more of a shot. I'm so desperate for this that I'm even trying to figure out how I can make it happen with witchcraft. Kat always said that I can make anything I want happen with simply the power of my mind. Ask the universe for it and it will provide. With my luck? Probably not, but fuck, I'm trying. I would straight up cream my fucking panties and cry like a baby if I won. But there is something that I fear. . .for one thing, I fear that he'd take me to a restaurant that I would probably not like anything on the menu for AND another major thing, since I'm such a fat cow, I don't eat in front of guys I like. Never have, never will. I had my BFF bring me my lunch in high school and I ate it in the choir room because I was too embarrassed and self-conscious to eat in the quad where my crush could see me. I swear, the hotter they are, the less I eat and being that Daniel is my #1, well. . .you can guess what will happen there. I'll eat like a bird, or a bulimic/anorexic model. He'd probably think I was crazy or get pissed if I just ordered like a drink and watched him eat instead. An appetizer, maybe, but I just. . .I don't know. God. Let's not talk anymore about it.
So tonight, we went out shopping so I could spend my dad's money. I really hate how fast money goes. First we went to the Spirit Halloween store. They have so many cute things there that I want, but damn it, I would rather wait until they go on sale after the holiday like I did last year. . .and ended up spending like $160 too. Lol. I think. I don't remember. I have a bad memory. I know Damon and Hyde loved walking around the store and looking at all the costumes and of course when I pointed out the surgeon costume, Christian was like: "I could just be myself." Lol. True. Last year, I went to work as The Black Widow, Natasha Romanoff. Hyde was Thor. Christian was Hawkeye ( and looking so fucking fine! ), Damon was Iron Man, and Dom. . .I don't think he was around then. But yeah, that's what we were. We were so awesome walking around like that at Kmart. Avengers assemble! I think Dom might've been Captain Ameria. Yeah, lol.
This year, thank God they're still letting us dress up. I mean, I know that the store will be closed before Halloween but the last day, yeah, I'm wearing my costume. If I can, I'll wear my Black Widow costume on another day (assuming I'm scheduled) but on the last day, I'll be going as Sarah Sanderson. I already bought the wig, dress and necklace last year when it went on sale at the Spirit store, so I just need the cape and do my make-up like her. I don't know if I'll wear heeled boots though. That would be murder on my heels. I don't know. I don't know what the guys are gonna be this year. I told Hyde he could be Billy Butcherson. Lol! But I don't think he wants to. We always have matching costumes. Hallowen 2017, I was Maleficent and Christian was Batman. :D The year before that, I was a patient in a hospital gown and Christian was himself, the surgeon. There's so many decorative stuff at the store that I want to get. They have like these black cat statues, these witch type stack of books with candles melting on top, even a crystal ball and light up haunted house. If I wear my Black Widow costume again, I'm going to need to get the fingerless gloves and the bullet bracelets. Oh! And get a shorter red wig. I mean, my hair is already red but I don't want to cut it that short. Been there done that. Didn't like it on my fat face. Despite the pain in my heels getting worse every day, I still would be so psyched if they hired me to work at the store. I love being surrounded by all that and Halloween is the only holiday I look forward to every year so I would seriously (and literally) withstand the pain for a full shift if I had to. Fuck my feet! Plus, they gotta have employee discounts, right? Plus, I have that experience as a Halloween associate working for Party City back in 2013 when I first created Hyde. But I wouldn't do it again there. I hope my Spirit children liked it there. I tried to take a picture of the store to have Kat look at, but it came out blurred. *sigh* Oh well. I wanted to buy something, but I didn't end up after all.
After that, we went to the mall. I REALLY wanted to go to the other mall I love, but since my mom didn't have gas money and I didn't want to give her any of mine, I had to go to the ghetto mall. The one all the little brats go to. I mainly wanted to go to Hot Topic so that's sort of why I wanted to go to the mall but the other one that's like 20 minutes away has better stores. Anyway, I don't think my spirits had been to a mall before so I tried to explain what it was to them. This huge structured building with like a bunch of different stores in it. We went there first to Hot Topic while my mom went off to Lens Crafters. They had a couple cute things at Hot Topic and OMG! They sell chocolate-covered banana Pocky there, but I didn't want to spend $4.50 for a box. There was this cute Beetlejuice plushy that I would've gotten had it been cheaper. They even have the Lydia red wedding dress costume. And OMG! They actually had *NSYNC Funko Pops. They had everyone but Justin. Lol! Go figure. I have a few Funkos myself. I have the Countess from AHS Hotel, Buffy in her S1 dress and crossbow and a Sarah from Orphan Black. God I wish they made Funko Pops for TVDs and The Originals. I've seen them on Etsy that were custom made, but yeah, my business with those fuckers is done because they banned me from the site. God I want to stab them!! So bad. But I digress. I went to the Disney store, realizing they don't have Secret Life of Pets stuff because they don't make them but fuck, if the stuff wasn't a fortune, I would've bought this Haunted Mansion mini backpack and/or the ticking clock. $80 a piece? They're out of their fucking minds! I love all this Haunted Mansion stuff and how they're actually giving it so much attention, my favorite ride! Bout time! After that, we went into Victoria's Secret (just to check if they had any cute slippers, they didn't), then Spencer Gifts. God I miss Spencer Gifts. Damon being Damon of course had to be all giddy pervert when he was in there though, simply because of me perusing the sex toys and BDSM stuff.
See, I'm always nervous whenever I'm in a store around BDSM toys and Christian and Damon are with me. They get this mischievous little twinkle in their eyes and I can see this smug little smile forming on their faces as they glance at me and I start to blush without even realizing it. And now that Dom has joined the gang, well. . .its twice as embarrassing. I'm even embarrassed to purchase any sort of vibrator in a Spencer Gifts. The only place I feel comfortable is "A Touch Of Romance" but that's only because the sales associates are all women and they are really nice about it and make you feel comfortable with your sexuality and not like a freak at all for wanting to purchase certain things. I've been in that store with Christian too, of course. And Damon and Hyde. You should see the way Christian looks at BDSM toys whenever we're in a store that sells them. Fuuuck. It's so hard to describe but all I can say is. . .it's guaranteed to make any girls panties drop and make you wet. He's like a kid in a candy store but with this subtle, observant, suave and quiet sensuality. It's. . .just wow. Dom gets the same way, as I've recently observed. Fuck. I feel like the prey between all of these Dominants. Like at any second, they're going to pounce on me and have their way with me right there and then, one holding me while the other teases me to orgasm. Not that I would mind cause. . .yeeeah baby! Anyway, I'm babbling. But we were looking at the toys and I could see Christian's little smirk out of the corner of my eye, eyeing me as I stroked and felt one of the floggers. I felt like Anastasia Steele for a minute when she first touched one in the Red Room, as if he were about to explain to me what it was like I was new to all this. I gulped a couple times and then I accidentally dropped one of the paddles on the floor. Christian was like: "Oh! You dropped a paddle, sweetheart" with a twinkle in his eye. I think he expected me to bend over and pick it up, but he didn't say more than that or order me to so I just walked away. There were two ways that could've gone. Thank God it didn't go there.
ANYway, Damon got a kick out of there being a keychain with an actual ball sack on it and when Christian suggested I go get my smoothie before the mall closed, we left the store and I went to Surf City Squeeze in the food court to get my strawberry banana smoothie I love so much, and I got a California Chicken Philly Cheesesteak from this other place. They are SO good there and I haven't had them in so long! Good but expensive. Altogether, I spent $11 on my food and drink. Damn. Why does this good shit food have to cost so much? My heels were killing me by the time I had to walk all the way back to the other end of the mall to find my mom. She went to the food court though expecting I'd be there and then SHE had to walk all the way back to the other end. Ah well. It gave me time to enjoy my smoothie. After we left the mall, and my heels were killing me, we went to Target and I took the motorized cart around like before, Christian telling me to be careful this time and people are so rude when they stand in the middle of the aisle to fucking talk. They just had to do that shit in the Halloween section, but its typical of their type. Christian of course gets all bent out of shape when I start looking at the books again and when I want to get my birthday cake ice cream. I told him I was just going to get ONE. And I wouldn't eat it in one sitting. Damn. I'm on an intermittent fasting diet anyway. I think it was amount of things that I didn't need that I was throwing into the basket that he was mostly upset about. Not how long I was taking. Well. . .maybe in the books. He likes to say: "Sweetheart, you don't need ______ ." He and my mom like to say: "You need more books like you need another hole in your head." Pffft! I couldn't help it though. I find one with a plot that intrigues me and I must buy it and they another one of those fill in the blank journals that I just had to get. Well actually, it was "3,000 Pick One Questions." So when it was time to check out, I decided against a few things I put in the cart. The Greatest Showman blu ray and this Classic Horror Tales book with really tiny ass print that I probably wouldn't be able to see anyway. Not without glasses at least. Hmm. . .I could always buy some from the store. Not prescription kind.
I nearly FTFO (freaked the fuck out) when I thought I was overdrawn by $6 -- but thank God, my bank adjusted it as soon as all my purchases came out so I did in fact calculate right. Whew! That was close.
And that was my night.
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