*sigh* So I had my Zoom call with Colin. And well. . .what can you say? I was freaking out at first because I couldn't get my sound to work. That always happens with my Zoom calls. I thought he would never be able to hear me, but eventually, I got it working. You know how they say some things are anti-climactic? Well, this was anti-climactic. Kind of. I felt like a total douche, even though I put make-up on and wore a nice shirt. You know how you expect something to go in your mind and then reality hits you with something else? Well, he started off by asking questions about me, which I liked: where I lived, what I do for a living (unemployed of course), what my goal is in writing books or wanting to make them into a movie or whatever, who my favorite authors are, if I have an outline for my future novel about his character. Everything started out well enough, I was going down the list of things I needed to know about his character but then he insisted that that wasn't his process. He doesn't go straight into the details for a character because he has to know the story first and what it's about, then, over time, the rest of the stuff will come. That pissed me off. I mean, I get that that's his process but it doesn't work for me. I mean, fuck, I'm still trying to finish THIS series before moving on to the next and he wants to outline the novel first? In the words of Alicia Silverstone in Batman & Robin: "Men, everything the hard way." I really can't work like this with him, but looking at his gorgeous face. . .I could get used to that. I don't know. I will say this. . .he looked hot as fuck in his black-rimmed glasses and when he first came on the screen, I was like "Sweet baby Jesus." ;) Look at this sexy bitch! . . .
Yeaaaah! I know, hot right? In spite of looking a little like Zak Bagans in his glasses. He'd make a hot nerd. And every time he smiled at me. . .I just about lost my shit, got my heart racing. I looked fat and ugly as fuck on my end and seriously, WHY THE FUCK WASN'T IT A SPLIT SCREEN VIDEO? Did he edit it or something or do they always come out like that? I don't want to see my ugly self, especially not larger than life. I'd rather have the video of him and just my voice. I'll have to buy that FonePaw screen recorder so I can record it the way I want to record it and be just him. And yet. . .I still want to continue brainstorming with him. I like some of his ideas. . .I guess. And I've planned out a whole story before on my own, even before I started to write it so. . .I got so nervous though and you know how I say stupid shit when I'm nervous. My brain operates faster than my mouth. And I say "like" a lot. I DID, record the audio though. And for those who are curious, here's a little transcript of some of that:
Me: I ship Rachel & Dex so much! ( from the movie Something Borrowed )
Colin: You "ship" them?
Me: Yeah, that's what it means. Colin: (laughing) Okay Me: You've never heard of "ship" before? Colin: (smiling) No.
Me: Oh, it's like, it's like a fandom thing. Fangirl thing.
Colin: Okay. Kinda like uh. . ."bae" Me: Oh, you mean like the nickname?
Colin: B-A-E. Me: Yeah Colin: Before Anyone Else. Yes.
See, I didn't know that! I thought It was like BEAU or something. That's news to me. And then going on. . .
Me: Well I'm trying to figure out, I'm trying to figure out, cause I was blogging last night: 'How did I discover him? Was it through Cameo? And then I was like: 'Oh, I remember now.' It was because, okay, so I wanted Aiden to be Eric's um long lost brother. My Matt Bomer is Eric, my Matt Bomer character. So I wanted Aiden to be his long lost brother, but like adopted.
Colin: That's funny because Matt Bomer and I were the uh, final two actors, for "Something Borrowed." Me: Oh, that's weird. Colin: Yeah. Me: What about Fifty Shades? (laughs) Colin: I think everyone on the planet auditioned for that role and uh, they picked me at the time but I was too old. Me: Oh! How dare they. Colin: I know. Maybe it was, uh, starting to show my greys.
Me: Aw, well I thought, after seeing last night 'Something Borrowed,' I'm like: "Oh yeah, he should've been Christian Grey."
Colin: Yes. I agree. I think I would've been. . .done a better job.
And then we went on to brainstorm about the novel. I gave him the option to change his character's name if he wanted to, but he said: "No, I like Aiden. That's a cool name. Yeah, no, that's a good name." Score! It kinda pissed me off when I told him the title of the novel and what it could be and I was like: "Does that sound dumb?" And he's like: "Yes." Pffft! He's like: "The title will come. It's like you're trying to pick out the color of flowers for the wedding and they're just going on their first date." You see why I'm pissed at him? He's just frustrating me. Like, WTF? I thought he was supposed to be supportive? I mean, he is a life coach. As much as I first wanted him to help me with my story because he would be in it, I just want us to have like a normal conversation the next time we talk. At least 70% of the session. Get to know each other so I don't sound and look like such a douche. Fat douche. I need to be further from the computer, get a better webcam. I know I had a better one before. Sort of. The one for my laptop sucks ass.
ETA: Found my old Rocketfish HD webcam in a box! Thank God! Now maybe I won't look as fat and ugly. I'm definitely not going to put any make-up on this time because I seem to look better without it. At least on camera. I'll just put on foundation. No lipstick. Maybe some mascara and that's it. I don't know. Just not like before because I looked like a combination of a whore and a clown. FML! Why can't I be pretty? Kat insists that there are guys out there that like us big girls but if there is, they're probably as ugly as me. I'm superficial about guys, what can I say? That's just how I am. I want a Romance Novel cover man. I want a guy who is at least as hot as Colin, who's become my #5 now. The more I see his hottness in that video, the more I want him. Salt & pepper hair and all. Damn him for making me hooked. So let's take stock as to my top 10 obsessions.
Daniel Gillies
Matt Bomer
Ian Somerhalder
Dylan Bruce
Colin Egglesfield
Henry Cavill
Scott Foley
Joey McIntyre
John Stamos
Constantine Maroulis
That's my new TOP 10, but the first 5 are the most important. Right now, Ian & Colin are hovering back and forth in their spots. They're battling it out. Lol! They should fight for my love, in a tub of whipped cream. I wonder who would win.
So I'm going to have another session with that gorgeous man on Wednesday. Hopefully, my money comes in by then. It should. Otherwise, I have to wait until Friday and that's too long for me. Especially now that he's on my board. ;) If you know what I mean. I've been adding stuff to his I know interest board now that I know his character a little better and I even made a board for me & him as brainstorming buddies. I titled it: "Me & Mr. Egglesfield."
I know I'm acting like a lovesick fangirl and maybe a little stalker-ish but fuck. . .this is his fault. Partially. Especially being all hot and shit. Damn you, Colin! Looking hot as you do with those glasses on. Or without. Either way. I watched "Something Borrowed" the night before my Zoom call and I just. . .can't even. I loved his character and how sweet and caring he was. I almost got to see dat ass in a bed scene, and like a dumb bitch that I am, I had to just mention that I liked that part to him and started to giggle like an idiot, asking him if he was really naked.
I'm such a fucking idiot. I can't ever hold a normal or decent conversation with a guy, especially one that I have a huge ass crush on. I owe him an apology for being such an ugly and stupid and annoying shit. I'll be like: "Sorry I'm allowed to live." I told him that I collect haunted dolls and I asked him if I sound weird and he's like: "I've heard weirder." With a smile on his face but still. . .I just hate myself and the way I'm becoming around him. I say shit I shouldn't and stumble over my words. I have no filter or tact. But he's so damn cute though! I just like staring at his gorgeous face, the way I did when I used to see that Eric guy as my therapist. And I should've kept that comment to myself about how maybe he could be my new therapist. Idiot, idiot, idiot again! He's fucking hot as shit and I'm just a fucking lumpy potato. Why God why?
One thing's for sure, I totally have to gif him from this video and definitely from "Something Borrowed." Damn you Colin, I'm hooked on you! But are you worth another $175? If we go over 50 minutes again? OH YEAH! I love how at the end of the email he sent me with the video, he put: "See you next week! :)" See you next week SMILEY FACE!
That is all.
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