I know this update is WAY overdue! I don't even really want to be updating right now because I've been procrastinating so bad on the next HTSAL chapter and I really need to be doing some writing right now, but what the hell, I thought I'd update anyway. So let me start with my root canal. Yes, I went and had it done. Not like I had a choice in the matter. Dom & Christian were up my ass with a fucking broom about it. They still threaten to be up my ass with their belt. Lol! Christian hates when I use that expression, I can tell. Plus, the pain I was still getting was not fun. I was feeling incredibly sick the day before and for a second, I thought I might actually have this fake ass virus because I had the symptoms: sore throat, chest pain, shortness of breath and dry cough. Christian of course listened to my heart and lungs and checked my pulse ox but he said everything was normal then he and Damon decided to put me on some oxygen to see if it would help me feel better. I didn't want to be on it because it would be so damn hot in here just like it always is when you turn that thing on, but they insisted and also insisted on monitoring my pulse ox. They started freaking out when my oxygen fell to 88% while I was asleep. And I know, I know, I should be using my CPAP because Christian keeps nagging me about it, but I'm too lazy to clean it. I really tried to get out of going to the root canal because my stomach was hurting too. Dom said he understood if I was sick, but if I wasn't, I was still going so he said he'd see how I was feeling the next day. Needless to say, I was okay the next day and since I had already scheduled my ride and would have to pay a fee if I canceled again, I had to go. I hate having to wear that neck gaiter, but the guy who was my driver was pretty cool and he was a lawyer, shockingly, so he told me I could take it off. Good man. We had a nice conversation. He was all talking to me like he was a motivational speaker, trying to help me feel better about myself and offered his phone number in case I just needed someone to talk to. I told him all about Colin and how he was my "life coach" but was charging me and making me feel like crap. So, we got to the endodontist's office and of course, I had to pay the $150 for that damn 3D X-Ray then I sat down and waited to be called in, Dom to my left and Christian to my right. When they finally did call me back, they were wanting me to take another picture like before and I told them they already did that before. I'm glad I finally got to take off my neck gaiter, even though I just wear it beneath my nostrils anyway so I can actually breathe. I felt like a complete twat when they made me take that X-Ray, standing there with that lead vest on and putting my top teeth on that little plastic thing and close my eyes as the thing went around my head a couple of times, especially since Dom and Christian were there, leaning against the wall. But I got the stupid thing done then I was escorted to an exam room. They had the TV on tuned to like CNN or some shit. That Christian Bale looking American Psycho asshole motherfucker, Gayvin Nuisance was on, blabbing about the same bullshit he always does, the COVID scam, and the fucking crypt keeper, Barbara Ferrara or whatever the fuck her name is. Ugh! I hate seeing those fucks on TV, but I just tried to ignore it. Dom and Christian of course took their place in the corner where they would be out of the way and Christian told me that I better be nice and behave myself. I wasn't as nervous as I'm sure I normally would be. I was more worried that I would gag over and over again once they put their gloved fingers in my mouth. I caught a glimpse of a cute looking guy on my way to the exam room before and he turned out to be the one who came in and numbed me up. I was like:
So that didn't suck. Well. . .it sucked when I ended up gagging, even though I told him not to put me back too far to do the injection. I honestly don't think he did it enough and I quickly found out that I needed more once the endodontist came in and started the root canal and it started to hurt when he was working. He told me to lift my left hand if I feel any pain. Glad I got to wear some sunglasses so they couldn't see whether my eyes were closed or not ( they said it was so nothing would get in my eyes -- even though I knew I would have them closed the whole time ). And the doctor and the others at the office were right about my gag reflex going away as soon as I was numbed up. It did. I didn't gag once except for when the cute guy numbed me. Go figure. Well, it was the solution that made me gag. The numbing stuff. I swear, I feel like it drips into my mouth or something. So. . .
I didn't need my earbuds in or anything like I did the first time I got a root canal. I just listened to the music playing faintly in the background of the office and I did what Dom told me to do, pretended like we were in the wonderland and he was the one doing it and it helped a lot just to imagine myself in his chair and him working on me, imagine the expression of his eyes above his mask. Not only that, but Christian was right there by my side the whole time. He was so sweet, literally standing right beside the chair with his hand over mine, consistently rubbing them back and forth and rubbing my forearm comfortingly and saying things like: "You're doing so good, sweetheart" or "You're doing fantastic, sweetheart." I really wish I could've actually felt his reassuring rubbing. I was asking my medical spirits what they were doing and they said: "watching." I also called for Grant and asked where he was and he said: "I'm here." Awww! I even asked Dom how much longer and he was right on the money. He said: "About another ten minutes." And the doctor said ten minutes. I was like: "Whoa!" They sat me back up from time to time so they could take an X-Ray. I guess so they could see how it looked after their work. I honestly thought it would take longer than it did. Like two hours, but I guess I was wrong so that's good. The sooner they got it done the better, although I had like a fat lip afterward because of all the numbing they did to the right side of my mouth. After it was done, Dom & Christian said they were so proud of me. Awww! The endodontist prescribed me some pain killers and an antibiotic and then sent me on my way. Honestly, though, I think he did a half-assed job of putting the cement or whatever on my tooth. I know no one will really see it unless I open my mouth but it's a huge eyesore. It's like he just threw a glob on my tooth and didn't even bother to smooth it out or clean it up nicely. Just ugh! Dom or my old dentist, Dr. Jung would've totally done a better job. I mean, when you get dental work done, it's supposed to be discreet and less obvious, don't you think? Whatever. I really wish I had gone to Staples and gotten a couple of waters because I really needed them after that. And the taste in my mouth, eewwww! I can't even tell you how unsettling it was and nauseating me to taste that cement shit still there and wishing that it would harden already. I couldn't help but poke and touch it and Dom and Christian were like: "Stop touching it!" I quickly learned my lesson when putting any kind of pressure on it from my finger or otherwise would cause the pain to flare up. I hate how that office doesn't actually send your meditation request to the pharmacy like my other doctor's offices so I had to nag my mom to take it and get the medication filled for me. I didn't even start to take it until like the second day, which really pissed me off because Dom was really insisting that I start taking that antibiotic as soon as I could. I had to use my 500 MG Naproxen temporarily for the pain until I got the 800 MG ibuprofen filled. It worked for a little while but the 800 MG definitely worked much faster so I was glad when I got the latter. Dom approved of the Naproxen, telling me that I needed to have an "anti-inflammatory" pain killer most so yeah. . .I almost started to panic when the pain wouldn't go away up until Friday, but thankfully, it did and I haven't had to take another pain pill since then. Dom really got on my case about touching it and putting pressure on the tooth though, telling me that if I didn't stop, it would take even longer to heal and I would only make the pain worse. So I stopped and it was better. It feels much better now and I can even chew on that side now too, no more pain to hot or cold. Woo hoo! It's still a little tender and feels weird though when I brush but yeah, I guess that's to be expected. Dom said just to brush gently and go easy on it.
So. . .after missing her fucking flight again for the third fucking time and spending four extra days here, my bitch aunt is finally gone and Damon & I couldn't be happier! He's been waiting for her to be out of here as long as I have. He even planned a whole party in the wonderland to celebrate. He said he wanted to have a pizza party. No pizza was in the wonderland, but plenty of sushi and sweets, and a crowd full of strangers dancing who just function as "filler/extras," plus some of my characters ( Courtney, Jason, Nathaniel, Angelina, Beth, Tony even Eric ) and the rest of the guys, Dom, Christian, and Hyde. WOOOO HOOO!! You have no idea what a relief it is to have my bathroom back without worrying about her shitting on the toilet or the floor or both (even though she's actually starting to clean up the toilet after she's done now) or leaving a huge stink in there from her shit. I did end up hexing her like Kat suggested though I don't know what effect it'll have on her other than that one moment she couldn't stop coughing. So yay, she's gone! It's lifted my mood definitely but not to the point of being ecstatic.
Turns out that Daddy decided to return to Cameo for 2 WEEKS and just when I thought he dropped his price to $200. . .I came to realize that no, even with what I have left of my unemployment, I WON'T have the $250 ( which he was charging before ) for ANOTHER video from him within these two weeks that his ass decides he's going to be on there!!!
And it's all thanks to not only me wasting my fucking money on that undeserving asshole Colin, but also the government for letting us suffer without financial assistance for months in the form of more stimulus checks or extra unemployment assistance. And as much as I worship the ground he walks on and love him more than anything, I fucking hate Daniel for this! I FUCKING HATE YOU DANIEL GILLIES!! How can you be so cruel? For choosing this time to do it when everyone is so strapped for cash that they can't even pay their bills or their rent! I hate him so much for being a fucking tease and deciding that he's only going to be available for TWO WEEKS when I've been waiting fucking months for him to come back, especially around my birthday which I wanted most of all. Fucking asshole! I know I wouldn't get what I truly want from him because his ass doesn't do "tricks" as he calls them even though that's what Cameo basically is and even though he talks all this shit in his Instagram video claiming he'll "do stuff" for whoever asks him for a Cameo. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!! He doesn't want to do "tricks" for people ( as he called them ), because he's not "some Circus seal clapping" his "little flippers." Yeah, that's what that ass said before. Saying shit like: "If I see something and its got a lot of tricks in it then its more about them and less about me." Fucking conceited asshole! He's such a fucking asshole and hypocrite! I tell you. All I really wanted was to request if he could talk to me in Elijah's voice and give me a little pep talk for when I'm feeling depressed and I feel like I have no reason to go on. Is that so much to ask? I can't believe I'm actually tempted to ask my mom for the extra $30 when I get paid next week, but that's how desperate I've become for another one. I mean, the least I can do is try, right? If there was ever a time for them to drop that fucking second stimulus or extra unemployment in my bank account, NOW WOULD BE THE TIME!! But I know that's not going to happen anytime soon. Even after all my praying.
So that's been causing me stress and making me want to kill myself, of course. I've just been under a lot of stress lately. It's so hard to explain. Not having money for BLACK FRIDAY which might as well be called BROKE FRIDAY this year, especially for Cyber Monday too. You have no idea how depressing it is to get all these emails about sales going on and not being able to take advantage of them. Or maybe you do because you're broke like me. I just want to fucking tear my hair out and throw a tantrum and scream in anger! Especially when one of those sales was on ThredUp and Torrid. Fucking fatty whores taking everything I wanted! I hope they get COVID and die!! You know, if there is a COVID. I really wanted that vintage Victorian-looking white nightgown on Torrid and of course, they sold out of it. Fatty whores!
Back to the shortness of breath I've been having since Monday, last Monday. I'm assuming it's my anxiety and after listening to my lungs, Dom & Christian feel the same way because they both said I sounded fine. Plus, it feels the same way it used to feel before I started taking my anxiety/depression meds. It's the worst. It feels like you can't get a full breath of air into your lungs and in order for me to really breathe, I have to really concentrate or yawn, mostly the latter. Christian and Damon have tried putting me on some oxygen numerous times because they know its been known to help me with my anxiety, but no such luck. It doesn't help barely. Not only that but since yesterday, I've been having postnasal drip, mucus in the back of my throat. Damon implied it might be my allergies. Probably. I don't have any Mucinex though, as far as I know anyway. Fortunately, I told my psychologist about the shortness of breath yesterday and he's increasing the dosage on my medication so I guess we'll see how things work out.
The shortness of breath hasn't been bothering me that much anymore since yesterday, but worse, I've had a UTI since Monday. I don't know where the hell that came from since I rarely get UTIs now, but I guess my whole body hates me lately. I've even had some heart flutters every now and then, or maybe they're brief A-Fib episodes. I don't know. My body always hates me. I'm naturally sickly. A UTI is the fucking worst and I remember now, it's like being in the fucking hospital on an IV and not being able to sleep because you have to get up to piss every fifteen minutes. Ugh! For me, it's every hour but maybe it also has to do with me getting old too. I don't know.
I remember having to go through that shit one December. It was the first time I'd ever spent the night in a hospital, I wanna say back in 2012. I had gotten an pneumonia, and they made me stay overnight on some fluids, a lot of fluids, and I kept having to get up to piss every fifteen minutes that I barely got any sleep at all. Of course, Christian was right there with me, sweetie that he is. He sat in a chair right next to my bed watching over me in the semi-darkness of the room, telling me to close my eyes and go to sleep, that he would be right there. But of course I couldn't because of having to piss, but every time I got up to go, he helped me with my IV pole, making sure I didn't accidentally pull it out, and then when I was done, he would tuck me back in bed. So sweet he was! I always joke that I was like that one girl in that 2 Broke Girls episode where Max & Caroline did that drug trial and their roommate ended up with a side effect, relentless urination, so she kept getting up to go to the bathroom. Finally, she's like: "Yeah, I'm just going to bring my pillow in there." LMAO! That's what I said to Christian. I did leave the toilet paper on the seat though since there were no seat covers. I figured I might as well. Lol! I've been hospitalized exactly 3 times in my life. The first was for that pneumonia, the second for my gallstones/gallbladder removal surgery, and the third for my heart, that one time I went into SVT.
As far as my UTI, I did the only thing I could do ( since I refuse to venture into any medical establishment except for the dentist ). I remembered someone from IEHP told me a while back that it was possible to get a prescription from a doctor via things like telemedicine or over the phone so I called up the 24-hour nurse advice line and told one of them my symptoms ( you know, even though I have four spirit nurses here, soon to be five with Klara on the way ) which was just persistent urination. I should've said "relentless urination." R-U. And I told her about how I can't go out to a clinic because I'm high risk and blah blah blah, and so she transferred me to this telemedicine hotline where they took down my information and had a doctor call me back on the phone. I told the doctor and he told me to drink a lot of water so that I could flush it out, and also prescribed me an antibiotic. I've been TRYING to drink more water, but sometimes it's not that easy because we don't have a filter on our kitchen sink, so I try to avoid tap water and just expect my mom to have cold water in the fridge. Unfortunately, there's none right now. Ugh! Christian, of course, gets pissed about it, but hey, not my fault. Yeah, I really need to get that water filter. Like Colin told me to that one day. *eyeroll* I never thought I'd say this, but I've actually started to miss talking to his little shit ass. Fortunately, I haven't had to go to the bathroom as often as I did a couple days ago. THANK GOD! But the doctor only gave me 10 pills that I take twice a day for 5 days and I'm starting to worry about it coming back and running out and then having to call the nurse line back to request another prescription. Ugh!
And speaking of that little shit, Colin "fucking" Egglesfield, I did talk to him a couple weeks ago, on the 11th of November. Boy was that ever a mistake. Fucker made me feel worse about myself and my life and I wish I hadn't spent the $175 to hear his bullshit again. I mostly did it because I wanted to sing for him again, but we got to talking and when I sort of let it slip that I had to have my mom make me a resume, he starts making me feel like a fucking child with the way he started talking to me. Not only that but when I told him about my certification that I've obtained for a career in Crime Scene Investigation from one of my colleges, he starts telling me how I should pursue that and starts talking to me about getting a degree online from Phoenix University. I mean, his ass straight up did that "screen-share" with me as he went to look all this shit up, the tuition fees and the scholarships and degrees they offer in criminal justice. Seriously, there was no need for that. I hate when he shares his screen, because not only does it minimize his face but at the same time, it just bores me. I know it's coming when he says: "Well let's look it up."
He doesn't get it. I. DON'T. CARE! He's out of his fucking mind if he thinks that I would be able to obtain a scholarship or even get into Phoenix University. Get this, he even went as far as to pose as me just to obtain information from a representative online.
So I just let him do his fucking thing as my eyes glazed over and Damon & I started mumbling shit about him, him telling me never to talk to his ass again and I just pretended to be amused with my phone instead. Waste of fucking time if you ask me. And he was like: "Just look into it. I'm going to send you the link. Just look through the information." Honestly, he wasted precious time when we could've been reading something together or I could've been singing for him. And when I told him about how I failed math and don't know math and don't know numbers. He told me I can get tutoring and get help but he made me feel like a fucking child and like shit when he said: "Just saying 'I don't know numbers,' that's like a five-year-old." Asshole! He just got on my fucking nerves so much, and the fact that he wasted all that time on researching that Phoenix University shit and chatting "as me" so we wouldn't have any more time left to do anything fun just made me so emotional and I couldn't help but start crying about it. The only way I can really explain is to type up the transcript. And this is how our conversation went over:
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Me: I just feel like crying right now. Colin: How come? Me: It's just so much. . .I can't. Colin: This is your chance to stop feeling like this. (long pause) Look, I've been where you're at, it's not fun and the only way--the only thing that's gotten me out of it is by doing stuff like this, signing up for something that I know is going to help me, get better at doing something. You can do this. You are incredibly smart.
Me: (tearfully) It's just. . .
Colin: You're incredibly talented. Me: I just want to give up on everything. I'm just so. . . Colin: Yes. It's frustrating, right? Me: (nods) Colin: Sometimes I don't even know where to begin. I'm like 'where do I even begin?' Me: I just, I can't stop thinking that maybe if I were dead, I'd be happier. I'm just feeling so suicidal lately. Colin: And? Me: And what? Colin: Do you like that feeling? Me: No. Colin: Then why aren't you doing anything about it? Me: Because it's easier to give up. Colin: Yeah. But there's so many amazing things to be experienced in life that you would be giving up on. And you'd make people sad and you'd be causing, it would be a very selfish thing to do, you'd be causing a lot of pain and suffering for others. And, the world wouldn't be able to hear your voice anymore, the world wouldn't know your amazing talent as a writer. You may help solve a crime that helps a family be able to have closure with someone maybe that they've lost. There's so many people that can benefit from what you have to offer.
Me: Would you think I was a coward if I, you know if, if I wasn't around? If I just. . . Colin: No, I would just think, I would be sad. Me: Honestly? Colin: Yeah. Cause I see how much potential you have and see how much you're suffering right now and I know there's a solution. But you're trying to find every excuse not to do anything.
Me: I just want someone to just do. I just, I, like I said, I want somebody to just take care of me so I don't have to. Colin: That's not going to happen. No one's coming. No one's going to save you. You've gotta do it. And you're going to feel better about doing yourself because you know you deserve it. If people give you stuff, you don't appreciate it. Me: What do you mean? Colin: But if you earn it, you're going to feel better about it. You're going to feel better about yourself. Cause right now, how you're feeling, I've been there. It's shitty. I fucking hate it.
Me: And what did you do? Colin: Literally, I would go to the gym. Or do something that just got me up and moving. Me: But what did you do, I mean what did you do to change it? Colin: I. . .I so like when I was in Los Angeles and I was miserable and sad that I wasn't getting anymore acting work and it was impossible and I was frustrated, I decided to look into doing real estate. I had focused my whole life for 20 years on my dream, my goal of being an actor and it wasn't working out and I knew I had to do something, so I decided to look into doing real estate, and now I can do acting while I work on my real estate, and I wrote a book, and now I'm doing these courses and I'm working on a TV show, I had a call today for a reality real estate TV show with the producers of A & E networks. Like there's lots of things you can do.
Me: I thought you were going to have your own TV show about, you know, like as a talk show. Colin: Well I'm working on that too. It just hasn't happened yet. Like my PR agent keeps saying "yeah, we got the sponsorship, we got the sponsorship" she's been talking about a sponsorship for three months now, nothing has happened, and yet I show up every Monday night to do my show.
Me: It sounds like the stimulus they keep saying is coming but its not, who knows, when it is, if it is. Colin: What do you mean the stimulus? Me: That they say is supposed to come. Colin: Oh free money? Bullshit. Amy, its, stop waiting for people to give you shit and save you. That's why you're miserable. And you know it. That's why you're miserable because you know you're wasting your talents. You're better than this, way better than this. So get off your butt, answer those emails that I sent you. Just look into it, you don't have to make any decisions. You can apply and just send your information, have a conversation with those people, and you have the conversation, not your mom.
Me: (laughing) Shut up. Colin: And just ask some questions, and get some information, and don't let your brain say "oh that's too much or that's too this" or "that's too whatever." If you want something bad enough, you're stubborn enough to make it happen. I know you. You're a very stubborn person. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to get it.
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So yeah, after singing for him one last time ( "Never Enough" from The Greatest Showman, "I Turn To You" by Christina Aguilera and a little bit of "Someone Like You" from Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical ) and we said goodbye, I decided to call it quits with him right there and then. Just finally kick his ass to the curb, much to the relief of Damon and Kat. Of course Colin himself doesn't know that. He just thought it was "bye for now." But now. . .I don't know where the fuck this urge came from to talk to him again but I will fight tooth and nail against it. No fucking way. I'm done with him. You know, unless he contacts me himself to check up on me or for that show he wants me to be in next year. Would be nice if he actually thought of me for once and did check up on me, but his ass made it clear via our email argument (don't ask) those past few days before our last Zoom call that I can't bring anything personal up to him via email and that he won't do any coaching via email either. To make a long story short, let's just say I was a little more snide and passive-aggressive than I should've been and I had to beg him to take me back. So I don't know if I'll ever feel up to talking to him again. Maybe. Maybe not. Definitely not anytime soon. All I want is another video from my Daddy. But you already know the answer to that. . .
But as much as I tend to hate Colin after our chats, he still knows how to boost my ego after every performance. When I finished singing "Never Enough," do you know what he said? He did that pleasurable groan he always does then said and I quote: "It is like sleeping in silk sheets, it is like eating the finest filet mignon, it's like drinking the most expensive Cabaret in the world. Your voice is so smooth and sultry and sexy and amazing."
OMG! It was the sweetest thing ever for him to say that and it totally had me blushing like crazy. No one has ever said that to me and for him to always be so complimentary to me after I sing, the things he says. . .it's the biggest high. Like you have no idea. He was like: "Wow, that's so good. It's really good, Amy. Please don't waste that. I want to help you get on stage so your voice is heard, but you gotta do your part" and he also said to me, "you have a gift, and the fact that you're not sharing it with the world. It's very selfish. It's a beautiful gift that can make people feel good." But yeah, that's about it with me and him. I did have one idea though. It's more of an experiment, actually. What if I requested another Cameo from him for $45 just to say "Hi" and/or see what he says? It's just an idea! Just a thought. I'm not saying I'm going to do it but it would be better than paying $175 if I don't have that much money.
But enough about Colin. Let's move on. A few more things before I end this update. What else have I been up to? Well, believe it or not, the majority of my time has been spent either sleeping, reading, or binge-watching episodes of As The World Turns. The ones with Dom in them. ;) Between October 2008 and October 2009, he played Dr. Chris Hughes. YES!!! You heard me right, A FUCKING DOCTOR!! My favorite role for my gorgeous Top 5 to play. But along with his storyline, I also became invested in the other characters' stories. The Paul, Meg & Sophie ( Damn that bitch was annoying and crazy af! ) love triangle, the long-lost daughter story between Brad, Katie, Janet, Liberty and Parker ( thank you CBS & YouTube for letting me watch Austin Peck play "Daddy" as overbearing, overprotective and strict as his ass is ), the drama between Margot, Emily & Casey, and of course Janet & Jack. The other characters don't interest me so I just been fast-forwarding through the Lily, Carly, Holden, and their kids scenes and those gay teenagers and all that. But DAAAAMN has there been so much drama like I never expected and if you came around here, you'll probably find me cursing and yelling at the TV or my laptop or phone while I'm watching things unfold. Sometimes even squealing with delight during Dylan's affectionate, sweet, sexy, and heroic doctor moments. I sort of spoiled it for myself that after I started shipping Chris & Alison, I find out that that bitch ends up marrying Aaron. Ugh! Aaron, I can't tell you how much I hate that asshole and want him to die. And as much as I ship Chris & Alison, I was so fucking enraged when she was being a bitch to him and pushing him away, trying to get him to leave the hospital and taking him to court and then letting that asshole Aaron & her bitch ass mom accuse my man of shit that he didn't even do and actually believing their word over Chris'. And Emily, that whore with her attacking him through her tabloid. I just. . .ugh! I go back and forth between hating Alison and tolerating her because of how sweet I find her chemistry and friendship with Chris and hoping that she might actually get back together with him and realize Aaron is no good for her. God, this feels like the Felicity, Ben & Noel story all over again. I loved it when Aaron got shot by Decker ( or whoever that guy was ) and I was hoping he'd die but then I remembered he and Alison's disgusting soon-to-be wedding. I swear, seeing their interaction and how much she loves Aaron in spite of what a prick he is to Chris just makes me want to fucking puke. I mean, fuck, if he can't accept the fact that Alison & Chris are friends or are going to be hanging out, she should kick his ass to the curb. But of course, she's so damn naive. She goes back and forth between believing the lies and letting the people around her influence her opinion of Chris than just thinking for her fucking self and I won't lie, Marnie Schulenburg's face is really starting to annoy me. I don't know why, it just does. Like I want to punch it. But I'm going to try cutting her out of the gifs I make of Dylan when I do. Ohhh yeah! There's gonna be a lot of giffing going on. All the heroic moments. Especially when he's examining her. Eeeeeeeee!! OMG! There was this one moment where he was helping Alison study for her nursing exam at the cafe and you know how I made Dom/Dylan an oral surgeon in my fiction? Well out of the whole anatomy in the body, his character chose to educate her on and help her memorize THE FACIAL NERVES!!
I mean, really, what are the fucking odds of that? Like OMG!! THANK YOU FOR THAT WRITERS! As subtle as it was, it was perfect. It was like a coming attraction to Dom's creation. I think that last gif perfectly sums up what those of you who read my fiction are thinking. SHOOOOUTOUT!!
Oh, and did you know that Charmed is on the Peacock channel/app now? Not only that but YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT FULL-SCREEN IN HD!! OMG! I was so shocked when I found out that for the first time that I actually squealed and was so excited! I actually get to see it for the first time in FULL-SCREEN HD and it doesn't cost me a dime! Not even Netflix had it like that when it was up on there. I mean, OH MY GOD!!
It's like owning the series on blu-ray! Which I don't even think they've done yet. The only downside is that there's still like 1 minute of ads in between and they don't use the original theme song for the credits. They use the Netflix music. I don't know if they kept all the other original music in per episode. I haven't watched any episodes that include music. I've only watched "Sense And Sense Ability" and "Wrestling With Demons" but I'm sure I'll be watching all my favorite episodes in HD eventually. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm almost done reading The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell and let me tell you, the last chapter I read. . .oh my God, that was some scurrry shit! Don't read it in the dark. I mean, it nearly had chills running up my spine and it definitely got my heart beating a little faster. I don't want to spoil it for you, but you really have to read it. It's so enthralling and definitely hard to put down. Major creeps to be had. And it's been a long time since I read something that truly put a scare in me. A horror movie kind of scare. I will never look at a wooden statue the same way again. In fact, if I never see one again, I will feel a lot better. And I hope I never hear a saw or scraping in the middle of the night. I don't think I'm going to reach my 10 book challenge for the year, but I'll definitely finish that one and The Elements of a Home before the end of the month, which will put me at 6.
One last thing, I've had a little bit of spirit activity lately. Actually, you could probably consider it Concuan activity. I never know anymore. There's too many people here. Dead people and astral people but still, people. And my bitch ass aunt thinks there's not. Pffft! She has no idea how many spirits and astral entities are floating around this apartment, though you'd never know it. . .unless you're an empath or super sensitive or something. Kat always says its super crowded in my room. Yeah, I can imagine we're at capacity, though I don't know where the heck they could be standing with all the clutter I have in here. Maybe they're floating. Lol. Except for the Concuans who I'm sure probably stand at the foot of my bed all day just waiting for me to lie down and spread my legs. ;) Or maybe they go back to their home in the astral world and since they already know my schedule, they come back when I lie down to go to sleep. Out of all of my keep, they are the ones who are the most active. Probably the only ones who are active, though I do hear unidentifiable noises sometimes in the corner of the room. I know that sounds creepy but the sounds are really quiet that I almost don't hear them at all and for all I know, it's probably just the apartment settling or the dogs outside my room in the hall. Anyway, not only have I felt my bed jostling and moving as if someone is climbing onto it, even causing the springs to make noise, but one morning when I was lying in bed, I swear to you, I both saw and heard the covers lift and move as if someone was moving around in bed, maybe to get comfortable. At first, I was like:
Then I was like:
I really couldn't believe my eyes. It was just like that time when I heard someone breathing behind me while I was curled up in a fetal position, or felt their breath against my skin. Now, THIS is why I went back to my habit of meditating before bed. If only for 30 minutes. It used to be 45 but I end up getting too tired and uncomfortable so I just went down to 30. If I meditate, the more I do it, the more activity I get. That's what that one Medium bitch Cindy Kaza told me to do when I asked her advice after her show on that awful night of my life and its what Kat tells me and to research how to open my third eye and all that. But GOD YES I LOVE THIS! It just gets better and better and I can't wait for more. God if only I could see my sex entities and hear them. Although I'll probably cream my panties and faint if they showed up as Dylan Bruce & Daniel Gillies. Sweet Jesus! To have those two in my bed at once. . .I'd orgasm til I die. Or Matt Bomer & Daniel. One of them always needs to shapeshift into Daniel. The other can take turns between being Matt & Dylan. God what I would give. . .for just one night like that.
And I'm done for now. Off to make progress on the novel and watch Ridiculousness. God, my mom fights so damn much with fucking asshole Chris, I wish they'd just divorce already, but of course, she doesn't have the money. I honestly don't see how she can stand him. He's unhygienic, he's unkempt, he's two-faced, stupid and lazy as hell and argumentative.
Bye for now.