I'll try and make this a quick update. Oh my God, this morning, after I did my regular meditation, I had the worst and I mean THE WORST toothache I've had in a long time. The whole left side of my head hurt and I was moaning, burying my head in the pillow and in Daddy, curling against him looking for mercy, it was THAT bad. And of course it was my bridge that was causing the pain. I mean, I had brushed my teeth and everything and flossed but still, THIS. I think I mentioned it before but the bridge is like slowly separating itself from my gums and I'm guessing the stuff they used to glue it in is pulling at it. That's probably why it hurts. Christian had to wake up Dom and call him into my room, insisting I had a dental emergency. Needless to say, he rushed in and he asked whether I had taken pain killers, which I had but they never helped the pain. It wasn't strong enough, and then he was asking if I had an ice pack. I, of course, don't but he insisted I put something cold on it. I didn't have even an ice cold water so I just went and drank some cold tap water and then Dom asked me to open up my mouth and tilt my head back while I was in the light of the kitchen so he could take a look. He grimaced and was like: "Oh yeah, that bridge definitely needs to come out. You really need to get it replaced." It took me a while to actually be able to fall asleep without the pain and not having my eye mask or being able to find it so I could block out the light from the window wasn't helping the pounding through my head either so I had to try and cover my head with the pillow and fall asleep. I was even going to call my regular dentist and beg him for some pain relief, the Vicodin kind, if it hadn't eventually gone away. They weren't even open yet when I wanted to call so that didn't leave me with a lot of options but to just try and sleep or wait. If it happens again, I'm definitely going to try and get stronger pain meds and someone to replace it for a price I can afford if my insurance won't pay for it. That fucking hot dentist on Instagram didn't even bother answering me when I told him I had a dental emergency and needed his advice. Asshole! Rude.
Least I didn't have to cancel my therapist appointment later that day, but I definitely wasn't in the mood to go. I was still so damn tired from being kept awake in the wee hours of the morning. The good news though? The pain in my right heel FINALLY went away! It's a miracle and I couldn't be happier to be able to walk again without limping. I might even be well enough to actually take a standing job for 8 hours. Well, assuming its at Spirit Halloween should they actually give me a fucking call when they need more help. God I would have so much fun and enthusiasm working there. I'd be the best employee they'd ever had. But anyway, moving on, I did go to my therapist, but I was starving AF because I just woke up so I didn't get to grab anything to eat on my way out the door. Christian wasn't happy about it when I got there and I kept telling him and the rest of the guys how hungry I was. Unfortunately, the only thing I had in my purse was a mini Butterfinger and after this morning, well, you can imagine the hesitation among Christian and Dom. I didn't WANT to eat it, but desperate times called for desperate measures and as they say, beggars can't be choosers. Christian and Dom exchanged looks for a long time before finally Dom said: "Let her eat it. . .but she needs to rinse after she's done." So eat it I did and then I got a cup of water to rinse it down. I guess that was his idea of "rinsing" since I couldn't flush my mouth out or anything of the chocolate. Christian was also getting on my case because I was complaining about the lady at the desk calling like every fucking patient to confirm their appointments but shit, it was annoying! I was like: "Enough already" and he was like: "Amy. . .behave."
Today's therapy session was a little strange to be honest, but I'll get to that in a minute. First I read to her what I had gotten done of my hate letter (or "angry letter" as she calls it) to my mom's asshole husband, which she LOVED even though I could tell Christian was probably internally cringing at all the cursing I was doing in front of her. She loved it! Finally, someone appreciates my anger and hostility when its put in writing. Yeah, bish!
I swear, I don't know what it is about this woman, but she empowers me. She makes me feel like I can do anything, that I can be anything and be my best self and I love that. She actually listens to me and makes me feel like I'm smarter than I am and she's told me that a few times, how smart I am. I think I've found my therapist match, someone as close to my retired and beloved Dr. Fitzgerald as I can get. Now if only I can bring my Tulpas into our conversations like I did the other lady. She makes me feel like I'm getting my power and control of my life back and she's helping me to do that a lot. She described this metaphor, well, actually, she acted out this metaphor about sitting on a park bench and someone coming along to kick/tap your foot with their foot to antagonize you and then this huge boulder comes out of the skin and smashes your foot and breaks all your bones and all that. It was weird and I'm still confused about it, but it made me laugh a little. I'll have to ask her about it again. I should really look into doing some of that "tapping" stuff to get my pain and anger and emotions out like we did last session. She really wants me to clear up this anger blockage. That's what she thinks is holding me back from opening my third eye and being able to be spiritually in tune. Well I'm willing to do anything to clear my blockages so I can feel and interact with my spirits and entities.
She mentioned that I never really grew up and that I'm sort of still a child and Christian sitting next to me, started looking down, smirking and nodding his head and he said: "Well I can certainly agree with that." Ugh! I just... ugh! I stuck my tongue out at him. How Rude. I mean, really Christian? Really? He said something else that made me shoot a glare at him but I don't remember exactly what it was. He was just in full agreement with what she was saying, a lot of smirking and nodding his head in agreement. After the session, he said: "I like this woman. I really do." I also told my therapist that Creepy Hollows did a reading for me to find out what my spirit animal is and that I'm an alligator, then after I had left the room, she called me back to the door and gave me this little plastic alligator that I pointed out was in the room on top of the cabinet. I was like: "Whaat? Why are you giving it to me?" Lol! I guess she thought I should have it. Teeheehee! So I was just like: *shrug* "Whatever. Okay." That was about it for the therapist.
Things are still good between Carlon & I. I just expect sex from him now spontaneously, no matter what I'm doing, especially if I've been out all day, the second I come home and lie down, he gets on top of me and starts fucking me. Lol! Typical guy. He's probably thinking: "Damn, I haven't had her alone/to myself all day, about damn time I get some, let's go, I'ma hit this shit."
Yeah, get it baby! So now I'm just like: "Oh, we're doing this again? Okay." :D I mean, it's gotten to the point where it feels amazing and I can feel it almost like he's actually in me but like I said, he hasn't gotten me to orgasm yet. *sigh* If I could see him, I know I would cause he'd be Daniel. ;) OH YEAH!
I forgot to mention yesterday that I took a couple of pics of myself when we were at the doctor and asked Kat what she saw and she said there were three adults around me and my medical team was near my feet, naturally. They're so sweet to stay so close to me all the time, especially at doctors appointments. So attentive, I love it.