Sorry. It's been a long ass time since I updated again. Like I said, I only update when I have something to update about but now I kinda do. Something major. I really don't know what the hell to think right now. I didn't see this coming. Least not until 5 or 10 years from now. Remember Chris? My mom's husband? The one I called "asshole," the one who I've hated for a while now because he changed and became a different person and wasn't nice to me since he started getting sick? I still don't remember when that started happening. I have short term memory now. Well. . .he recently spent a few days in the hospital ( the asshole "Dr. Kavorkian" hospital that I still have to press charges against for turning me away without investigating when I had an inflamed gallbladder ) because one whole side of his body is numb and he can't remember things anymore and his kidneys I guess are failing and now he apologizes for everything between us and tells me that he feels like he's dying, but he just wanted to get that out right now and tell me because he really doesn't know how much longer he has. Like I said, I don't know what to think right now. I'm numb.
I mean, my dad and I used to text all the time when I would complain about him and how he was treating me and how much I hated him and he would always tell me that he would get his someday, that what goes around comes around and that karma would catch up with him and now. . .it looks like its happening. I even would tell my spirit family and my Courtwind Angel to get back at him and now. . .this. I don't know what to say or what to do and I'm worried about my mom. She's already started to cry about it and I'm worried that if he dies, she might not be able to handle it and it might make her start to feel worse physically and as angry as I always am with her and as many times as I've wished her dead, I don't mean it. At all. I really don't and I don't want to lose my mom. I won't have anywhere to go. I'll be homeless and alone. I will do whatever I can to be here for her from now on, and I make that my promise to God that I will. And I will cherish every moment I have with her because its something like this that reminds me life is fleeting and any day could be your last.
What were my guys reactions to this news? Sigh.
Damon:
"Wow."
Christian:
. . . .
Hyde:
"Karma's a bloody bitch. Good, the motherfucker deserves it."
Dom:
"I didn't know. I'm sorry."
Figures Hyde would say and react that way, with a wicked laugh to boot. That's just Hyde being. . .well, Hyde. Sigh. I actually thought Damon would react differently, but I'm majorly surprised that he didn't say or do anything that was really insensitive. Well, other than the eye roll. Christian & Dom have more class than that when it comes to sympathy for their friends and family. Even if they hate someone (which I don't think they do Chris), they would still be kind. I thought Christian would say something though but he's as speechless as I am. Not surprising and he's been sort of parenting Hyde, putting him in his place every time he starts to make things worse or an insensitive comment.
So that's what the major thing that's been going on lately. Other than that, I've been having good intuition about the Daniel Gillies contest. I think the universe really is on my side. I can feel it and it feels amazing. I pray every night for it, I go through the whole thing during my meditation every morning from beginning to end and see it all playing out as tedious as it is when I should be focusing on opening my third eye. I'm doing everything right as far as the Law of Attraction goes and I'm seeing all the signs they point out that indicate my manifestation is almost here. I just need to let go of my doubts and worries, wait and let the good things come to me to give me that extra push. Here's something freaky and creepy but so damn cool. I've been watching these YouTube videos for free tarot card readings and OH MY GOD! All of them have been spot on for what is currently going on in my life and makes me feel soo good to hear that things in my life are also going to improve in a big way and not to worry because I will get there to what I truly want. I was super ecstatic last night when I heard my spirit animals are dachshund dogs, the white tiger and OH MY GOD... THE WOLF!! It's fate! OMG! Didn't I tell you? I'm Hayley Marshall?! AHHHHH!!! I love wolves for that reason and I'm so glad I got that one. I always go with my instincts on picking the cards in these videos and they are always spot on. Also, I hear that I have a lot of spirit guides watching over me and I've heard that before. That there's a lot of people around me that aren't part of my spirit family. Kat has even seen them and mentioned them to me, and remember what that Medium said at that Cindy show at the Improv? She said she saw a lot of really strong women around me. I also heard that my spirit guides tend to remind me that they are nearby either the hair on my arms standing up or ringing in my ears and I kid you not, I GET THAT ALL THE TIME out of nowhere and I've always wondered why. That is SO cool! Also, that they will communicate with me via music. Like when that perfect song comes on, it's from them! OMG! I love it! So I love those videos and I've been watching a lot.
In other news, I've been getting messages from every guy imaginable on IG. I don't know why or where they're coming from but this is one of those signs that they said the Law of Attraction will present to you. Weird offers and the result of raising your vibration, you get all these people wanting to talk to you and be around you because of your energy. This one guy named Leo actually has taken it upon himself to become my online boyfriend. He lives in Massachusettes but he's from Germany and he's a contractor. He has facial hair that I can't stand but he's decent looking. I just wish he had more muscle mass and was clean-shaven. He's alright. He could sure use a lesson in how to be a Dominant though. I honestly don't know why all these guys like him insist that I'm beautiful. I'm not. I tell them I'm ugly af and fat, but they just don't get it and insist on contradicting me. I get messages like: "Hey beautiful" or "hey gorgeous" and I'm like: "Oh god, please stop." Even though Damon calls me that all the time. It's different hearing it from other guys because I'm not used to or prepared for it. Leo says I'm "damn beautiful" and I'm like: "WTF are you smoking?" He says it pisses him off when I say I'm not beautiful or that I'm ugly. I'm like: "whatever."
What else? Been writing more, or trying to at least. Had some weird dreams lately. Last night it was really weird. I was asking someone who worked at Subway if I could use their phone and we went down into this underground tunnel or bunker, I don't know, and there was like another me there being handcuffed to a pole or something and they had this oxygen mask hooked up to a tank and I was like getting high off that shit. Lol! I don't know. You know my fetish. Then we climbed back out of the bunker and I was like Buffy Summers all of a sudden trying to fight some flying T-shirt that had been on Angel but then he died and became a ghost. Then I was Buffy home with her mom, or in a place that looked like it was her home but it was more like an outside home. I was Buffy and hooked up to a heart monitor and put on some oxygen with a nasal cannula on and forced to stay in bed because Giles said I had an irregular heartbeat and he wanted to monitor me overnight. Did I mention I have weird dreams? Yeah. At one point in the dream, I got so sick of being monitored that after her mom left the house for a jog, I ripped off the electrodes and the nasal cannula, drawing blood while doing it but quickly healing from my wounds because I'm a Slayer and then just ran away. Then when I saw her mom was coming back, I rushed back into the house and tried to paste the electrodes back on my chest, put the cannula back on and get into bed before she caught me. It worked but she still insisted on replacing one of the stickies that were peeling off. Like I said... so weird but of course, I'm not surprised I woke up aroused. Wet.
I don't really have much else to update about. Christian has been Christian as usual. Damon has been Damon and Hyde of course has been Hyde. Dom and Christian have been trying hard to get me off the candy. They weren't happy the last time I went to the market and got a bag of starburst fave red chews. They get pissed every time they see me pop one in my mouth, shaking their heads and telling me I'm going to regret it later. And Damon likes to be a little shit tattle tale and shout: "She's eating candy!" Ugh! I swear I want to kick him sometimes. Or he'll be like: "Oooh! You're eating candy. I'm going to tell Christian and Dom." Pfft. Christian has also been parenting Damon and I when we bicker and saying "shut up" back and forth to each other, in his way: "Children, please!" -- "Enough! Both of you."
I'll update again soon.